Zodmetlab is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, calm hyena.

Zodmetlab created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zodmetlab, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Zodmetlab, he will throw large rocks at you.

Zodmetlab's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Zodmetlab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Zodmetlab.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always help voles in need.