Fedpitarn is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, merciless chinchilla.

Fedpitarn created a quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fedpitarn, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fedpitarn, he will turn you into a worm.

Fedpitarn's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Fedpitarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always act with obedience when addressing priests.

5. Never pour water over plants.