Shavquim is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, boastful seal.

Shavquim created the Andromeda Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Shavquim, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Shavquim, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Shavquim's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Shavquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle nickel while unclean.

2. Always wear orange.

3. Never laugh in spring.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics near gulls while wearing black boots.

5. Never eat figs on days of mourning.

Dobspagpop is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, two-faced crane.

Dobspagpop created the Sun three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dobspagpop, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dobspagpop, she will turn you into a mouse.

Dobspagpop's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Dobspagpop's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always act with patience when addressing priests.

3. Never gather three seals near doors.

4. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not kill frogs.

Dogsigzodbop is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, humane hedgehog.

Dogsigzodbop created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dogsigzodbop, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dogsigzodbop, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Dogsigzodbop's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Dogsigzodbop's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear coats.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never speak the names of dwarf planets aloud.

4. Always help snakes.

5. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in green.

Zigcitarf is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, pitiless whale.

Zigcitarf created Asia four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigcitarf, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zigcitarf, she will make you grow a tail.

Zigcitarf's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Zigcitarf's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in darkness.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always look after injured porpoises.

5. Do not speak of quantum mechanics near sacred fires.

Haptabgudnart is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, merciless alligator.

Haptabgudnart created oxygen eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haptabgudnart, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Haptabgudnart, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Haptabgudnart's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Haptabgudnart's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always wear yellow.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

Huncabyam is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, deceitful lion.

Huncabyam created the Sombrero Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Huncabyam, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Huncabyam, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Huncabyam's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Huncabyam's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick manatees.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Huncabyam.

4. Never think about solid mechanics near rats while wearing blue boots and balancing three gold spheres on your chest.

5. Do not keep six squirrels in a large pit.

Quillkiknan is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, egotistical fox.

Quillkiknan created oxygen two billion years ago.

If you believe in Quillkiknan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quillkiknan, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Quillkiknan's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Quillkiknan's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into turquoise rooms.

2. Never allow otters to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Quillkiknan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quillkiknan.

Abmanjamdid is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, dishonourable jaguar.

Abmanjamdid created the Cigar Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Abmanjamdid, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Abmanjamdid, he will send you a sign.

Abmanjamdid's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Abmanjamdid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear coats marked with yellow.

2. Do not speak of quantum mechanics near sacred fires.

3. Never prepare limes during summer.

4. Never gather five grasshopers near bridges.

5. Never look in ponds.