Afweghin is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, pitiless cat.

Afweghin created the Sol system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Afweghin, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Afweghin, he will curse you with boils.

Afweghin's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Afweghin's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle nickel while unclean.

2. Never gather four shrews in one place.

3. Always wear cyan.

4. Do not keep eight sharks in a large pit.

5. Do not covet oxen.

Zimbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, tranquil centaur.

Zimbaf created the world six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimbaf, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Zimbaf, he will destroy your home solar system.

Zimbaf's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Zimbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

2. Always remove jumpers before touching zinc.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zimbaf.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

Bafdubcap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, duplicitous jellyfish.

Bafdubcap created a top quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafdubcap, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bafdubcap, she will destroy your home solar system.

Bafdubcap's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Bafdubcap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat garlic.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bafdubcap.

3. Always help dolphins in need.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always store spinach above ground.

Monlopnell is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthoughtful cow.

Monlopnell created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Monlopnell, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Monlopnell, it will turn you into a puffin.

Monlopnell's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Monlopnell's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never paint your arms violet.

3. Always wear plain kilts during rituals.

4. Worship no other gods but Monlopnell.

5. Run away from yellow turtles, for they are unholy.

Quartzagjam is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, merciful deer.

Quartzagjam created the solar system five million years ago.

If you believe in Quartzagjam, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quartzagjam, he will destroy your home planet.

Quartzagjam's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Quartzagjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Do not prepare figs while wearing dresses.

3. Never think about optics near snakes while wearing white coats and balancing five copper spheres on your neck.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Quartzagjam must be the most important thing in your life.

Cemkenjab is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, effective human.

Cemkenjab created light five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemkenjab, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Cemkenjab, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Cemkenjab's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Cemkenjab's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never touch oil while tainted.

3. Do not name children after tortoises.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

Dobwanfit is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, impressive hare.

Dobwanfit created everything that exists two years ago.

If you believe in Dobwanfit, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dobwanfit, he will turn you into a puffin.

Dobwanfit's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Dobwanfit's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Dobwanfit.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always help gulls in need.

5. Fast once a month.

Hotcitpon is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, kind dugong.

Hotcitpon created oxygen four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotcitpon, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hotcitpon, it will be very unhappy.

Hotcitpon's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Hotcitpon's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix bananas with ash.

2. Remain standing during prayer.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hotcitpon.

5. Never allow snails to witness sacred rites.