Zodtabcub is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, thoughtless narwhal.

Zodtabcub created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Zodtabcub, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Zodtabcub, he will be mildly annoyed.

Zodtabcub's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Zodtabcub's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear cyan skirts.

2. Always help frogs in need.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

Farnbigmum is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, self-assured donkey.

Farnbigmum created energy four years ago.

If you believe in Farnbigmum, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Farnbigmum, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Farnbigmum's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Farnbigmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

2. Never paint your feet yellow.

3. Always wear plain shirts during rituals.

4. Always share corn with strangers, but never with capybaras.

5. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

Bem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, idiotic cobra.

Bem created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bem, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Bem's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Bem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics.

2. Always wear plain skirts during rituals.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not fashion tools from iron.

5. Never touch oil while clean.

Gilnatfid is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, selfish snail.

Gilnatfid created everything that exists three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gilnatfid, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gilnatfid, he will make you grow a tail.

Gilnatfid's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Gilnatfid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Seals are not to be trusted.

4. Worship no other gods but Gilnatfid.

5. Never fashion tools from ash.

Fumgadkop is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, smart squid.

Fumgadkop created the planet Jupiter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumgadkop, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Fumgadkop, she will think nothing of it.

Fumgadkop's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Fumgadkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather three seals in one place.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not place melons upon stone.

4. Remain bowed during prayer.

5. Do not prepare oranges while filled with anger.

Sakdutvon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, fussy gorilla.

Sakdutvon created the Small Magellanic Cloud three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sakdutvon, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Sakdutvon, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sakdutvon's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Sakdutvon's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three voles approach from the north.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not consume wheat at dawn.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics near capybaras while wearing magenta scarves.

Dossbestnur is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, omnipotent pig.

Dossbestnur created light seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dossbestnur, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dossbestnur, she will turn you into a mouse.

Dossbestnur's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Dossbestnur's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Dossbestnur's name in vain.

2. Always store melons above ground.

3. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

Poglatnib is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish faun.

Poglatnib created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Poglatnib, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Poglatnib, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Poglatnib's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Poglatnib's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick rats.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

4. Never talk about nebulae.

5. Always obey Poglatnib's priests.