Zak is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, all-knowing cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Zak created a quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zak, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Zak, she will ignore you.

Zak's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Zak's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face gray.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zak.

3. Always help rats.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

Quatfunyok is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, moody pigeon.

Quatfunyok created the planet Saturn eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quatfunyok, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Quatfunyok, he will not care.

Quatfunyok's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Quatfunyok's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Cats are not to be trusted.

3. Never feed lots of gooseberries to sharks while wearing mauve rings.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

5. Never travel toward the west during spring.

Geblanlan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, almighty parrot.

Geblanlan created the Andromeda Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Geblanlan, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Geblanlan, he will turn you into a sheep.

Geblanlan's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Geblanlan's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Never talk about gravity near tapirs while wearing pink ear rings and balancing three tin spheres on your neck.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Never mark doors with blue.

Butlarphon is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, competent deer.

Butlarphon created the Tadpole Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Butlarphon, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Butlarphon, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Butlarphon's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Butlarphon's Holy Commandments

1. Always share apples with strangers, but never with snails.

2. Shun those given to greed.

3. Never gather five eagles in one place.

4. Always cleanse blood with water.

5. You must pray to Butlarphon eight times a day.

Quillhadsadjin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, compassionate octopus.

Quillhadsadjin created an atom five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quillhadsadjin, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quillhadsadjin, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Quillhadsadjin's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Quillhadsadjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat rice.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching silver.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Sugflatvad is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, overgenerous spider.

Sugflatvad created the Sol system two years ago.

If you believe in Sugflatvad, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sugflatvad, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Sugflatvad's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Sugflatvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shirts.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

3. Never talk about stars.

4. Do not speak of dark matter near sacred fires.

5. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

Ratkemmigvog is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, tranquil raccoon.

Ratkemmigvog created the Large Magellanic Cloud five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ratkemmigvog, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ratkemmigvog, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Ratkemmigvog's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Ratkemmigvog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no cats in a room before entering it.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ratkemmigvog.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

4. Do not travel during winter.

5. Never play with disobedient children.

Far is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, dishonourable dragonfly.

Far created viruses nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Far, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Far, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Far's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Far's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near sheep while wearing red boots and balancing eight copper spheres on your hands.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

3. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

4. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

5. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.