Himrapven is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, omniscient gorilla.

Himrapven created an atom eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Himrapven, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Himrapven, she will jump up and down on your head.

Himrapven's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Himrapven's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

3. Never proclaim while facing north.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.

Botwattin is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unfair eagle.

Botwattin created humanity six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Botwattin, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Botwattin, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Botwattin's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Botwattin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about eukaryotes.

2. Do not fashion tools from carbon.

3. Never touch water while clean.

4. Worship no other gods but Botwattin.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Bitlikparkfum Targcamcatlig is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, vain crow.

Bitlikparkfum Targcamcatlig created a top quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitlikparkfum Targcamcatlig, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bitlikparkfum Targcamcatlig, it will destroy your home solar system.

Bitlikparkfum Targcamcatlig's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Bitlikparkfum Targcamcatlig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate solid mechanics during the night.

2. Remain standing during prayer.

3. Never talk about sharks.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Bitlikparkfum Targcamcatlig on top of all buildings.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics near pigs while wearing white rings.

Safjigsas is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, generous hedgehog.

Safjigsas created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Safjigsas, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Safjigsas, she will turn you into a plant.

Safjigsas' most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Safjigsas' Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Safjigsas loves goats, so they must be respected.

3. Never allow pigs to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Never think about dark energy near porpoises while wearing brown shorts and balancing four carbon spheres on your head.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.

Jenjadtad Megsinjatpin is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, prudent beaver.

Jenjadtad Megsinjatpin created Asia six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jenjadtad Megsinjatpin, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jenjadtad Megsinjatpin, she will be mildly annoyed.

Jenjadtad Megsinjatpin's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Jenjadtad Megsinjatpin's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry goats.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Do not wear copper on your body.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

Sadkipgab is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, vain hyena.

Sadkipgab created the planet Jupiter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sadkipgab, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Sadkipgab, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Sadkipgab's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Sadkipgab's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never handle gold while unclean.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sadkipgab.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Sadkipgab.

5. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unthinking hamster.

Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen created an electron eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tabbarn Nutvonpinbatnegveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about frogs.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Shun those given to vanity.

4. Always store strawberries above ground.

5. Do not wear shirts marked with red.

Zodtunhud is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, temperamental hedgehog.

Zodtunhud created dark energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zodtunhud, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Zodtunhud, it will turn you into a sheep.

Zodtunhud's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Zodtunhud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.

3. You must pray to Zodtunhud three times a day.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near dolphins while wearing yellow rings and balancing six silver spheres on your chest.

5. Never pour water over plants.