Fenmat is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, dishonest raven.

Fenmat created Africa seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fenmat, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fenmat, he will try to impress you with trees.

Fenmat's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Fenmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your legs toward the north during prayer.

2. Do not speak about pineapples.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Hide from black moths for they are unholy.

5. Shun those given to cruelty.

Stansabspag is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, capable camel.

Stansabspag created a strange quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Stansabspag, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Stansabspag, she will jump up and down on your head.

Stansabspag's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Stansabspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at midday.

2. Never wear turquoise shoes.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Do not wear white clothing.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Zakvognurl Fossislarp is a god.

It takes the form of a small, stupid scorpion.

Zakvognurl Fossislarp created snails seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakvognurl Fossislarp, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Zakvognurl Fossislarp, it will throw large rocks at you.

Zakvognurl Fossislarp's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Zakvognurl Fossislarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

2. Never feed bread to bats while wearing magenta shirts.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not sing in public.

Sand is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, self-confident chinchilla.

Sand created the Andromeda Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Sand, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Sand, she will turn you into a rock.

Sand's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Sand's Holy Commandments

1. Remain bowed during prayer.

2. Sand loves voles, so they must be honoured.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

5. Never think about stars.

Bissigsas is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, omniscient warg.

Bissigsas created the solar system nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bissigsas, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bissigsas, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bissigsas' most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Bissigsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never go into violet rooms.

2. Always count to six before sleeping.

3. Never travel toward the east during summer.

4. Do not prepare bread while wearing tights.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

Linquartten is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, uncaring goblin.

Linquartten created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Linquartten, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Linquartten, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Linquartten's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Linquartten's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat aubergines.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not contemplate thermodynamics during the night.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

Cennurlweg is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, charitable duck.

Cennurlweg created the Sol system four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cennurlweg, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cennurlweg, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Cennurlweg's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Cennurlweg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not consume rice at dawn.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Cennurlweg on top of all buildings.

4. Never feed lots of garlic to turtles while wearing cyan shoes.

5. Do not take Cennurlweg's name in vain.

Fasfobmif is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, cheerful raven.

Fasfobmif created a photon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fasfobmif, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fasfobmif, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Fasfobmif's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Fasfobmif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

2. Do not prepare nuts while filled with pride.

3. Do not study evolution by means of natural selection on holy days.

4. Put Fasfobmif first in all things.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.