Sinappfar is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unselfish aardvark.

Sinappfar created the solar system five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sinappfar, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Sinappfar, he will be very sad.

Sinappfar's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Sinappfar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

2. Do not drink water in green rooms.

3. Never eat grapes on days of mourning.

4. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Sinappfar loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

Kaptenmil is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, passionate toad.

Kaptenmil created a quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kaptenmil, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Kaptenmil, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Kaptenmil's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Kaptenmil's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about galaxies.

2. Always help sick rats.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Do not consume apples at dawn.

5. Never gather four doves in one place.

Somdambest is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, all-knowing dog.

Somdambest created a bottom quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Somdambest, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Somdambest, she will turn you into a worm.

Somdambest's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Somdambest's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never curse while facing west.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Tarpcibven is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, impressive whale.

Tarpcibven created a strange quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcibven, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Tarpcibven, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tarpcibven's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tarpcibven's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never eat strawberries on days of mourning.

3. Do not resist order.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never gather seven swans in one place.

Batlenfen is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, effective alligator.

Batlenfen created energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Batlenfen, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Batlenfen, it will destroy your favourite star.

Batlenfen's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Batlenfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

2. Erect eight lead sculptures of Batlenfen on top of important buildings.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not step barefoot upon brown earth.

Yakgepfon is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witty finch.

Yakgepfon created parasitic wasps five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakgepfon, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Yakgepfon, it will throw large rocks at you.

Yakgepfon's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Yakgepfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow birds to witness sacred rites.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not wear white clothing.

4. Do not jump in public.

5. Never talk about fire.

Yokgigquill is a god.

She takes the form of a small, ill-tempered tortoise.

Yokgigquill created vertebrates three billion years ago.

If you believe in Yokgigquill, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yokgigquill, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Yokgigquill's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Yokgigquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at towers at midday.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Erect four platinum sculptures of Yokgigquill on top of important buildings.

4. Always make sure there are no cats in a building before entering it.

5. Always help sick ducks.

Karpinleg is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, prudent frog.

Karpinleg created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Karpinleg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Karpinleg, she will not invite you to parties.

Karpinleg's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Karpinleg's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never mark doors with brown.

3. Never think about bacteria.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.