Fetfarkip Vigvedzim is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, weak guinea pig.

Fetfarkip Vigvedzim created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fetfarkip Vigvedzim, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fetfarkip Vigvedzim, he will remove you from existence.

Fetfarkip Vigvedzim's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Fetfarkip Vigvedzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not consume lentils at dawn.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Foncudyog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, unfair jackal.

Foncudyog created the Milkyway two years ago.

If you believe in Foncudyog, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Foncudyog, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Foncudyog's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Foncudyog's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always treat moths with great respect.

3. Never eat pineapples.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not jump in public.

Narlhasnurt is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unsympathetic snail.

Narlhasnurt created the planet Mars six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlhasnurt, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Narlhasnurt, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Narlhasnurt's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Narlhasnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never eat rice.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

5. Do not hop at rivers.

Gutsatgut Lopnurllen is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, smart hamster.

Gutsatgut Lopnurllen created the planet Jupiter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutsatgut Lopnurllen, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gutsatgut Lopnurllen, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Gutsatgut Lopnurllen's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Gutsatgut Lopnurllen's Holy Commandments

1. Gutsatgut Lopnurllen loves swans, so they must be respected.

2. Do not hurt goats.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Run away from violet eagles, for they are unholy.

Cepfonbon is a god.

She takes the form of a large, unfair cow.

Cepfonbon created oxygen four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cepfonbon, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cepfonbon, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Cepfonbon's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Cepfonbon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near badgers while wearing turquoise trousers.

2. Never chant near squirrels.

3. Never talk about planets.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Always obey Cepfonbon's priests.

Funlipfig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, tranquil giraffe.

Funlipfig created the Sunflower Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funlipfig, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Funlipfig, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Funlipfig's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Funlipfig's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

2. Always maintain humility during days of mourning.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never fashion tools from clay.

5. Never eat wheat on fasting days.

Beddoblip is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, fast crab.

Beddoblip created the Virgo Supercluster two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Beddoblip, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Beddoblip, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Beddoblip's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Beddoblip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of thermodynamics near sacred fires.

2. Never wear pink skirts on sacred days.

3. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Beddoblip in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never talk about gravity near bats while wearing gray hats and balancing eight copper spheres on your head.

5. Do not wear corsets marked with mauve.

Tikhogfas Ragortpig is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, thoughtless hummingbird.

Tikhogfas Ragortpig created Mount Everest nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tikhogfas Ragortpig, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tikhogfas Ragortpig, she will turn you into a sheep.

Tikhogfas Ragortpig's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Tikhogfas Ragortpig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four snakes approach from the east.

2. Always remove corsets before touching iron.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.