Gofyim is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, temperamental gorilla.

Gofyim created the Whirlpool Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofyim, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Gofyim, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gofyim's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Gofyim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always remove kilts before touching nickel.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

Pityarpmum is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, humorless coyote.

Pityarpmum created gold two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pityarpmum, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Pityarpmum, she will turn you into a plant.

Pityarpmum's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Pityarpmum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Pityarpmum in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never sit in spring.

3. Never touch ash while blessed.

4. Hide if five sharks approach from the north.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

Xemfossmil is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, omniscient bird.

Xemfossmil created oxygen four million years ago.

If you believe in Xemfossmil, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Xemfossmil, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Xemfossmil's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Xemfossmil's Holy Commandments

1. Put Xemfossmil first in all things.

2. Always remove kilts before entering holy places.

3. Always treat porpoises with great respect.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never eat nuts on fasting days.

Sugbestlat Spagkabnellbellfombessbutlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, charitable meerkat.

Sugbestlat Spagkabnellbellfombessbutlarp created a quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sugbestlat Spagkabnellbellfombessbutlarp, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Sugbestlat Spagkabnellbellfombessbutlarp, he will strike you with lightening.

Sugbestlat Spagkabnellbellfombessbutlarp's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Sugbestlat Spagkabnellbellfombessbutlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not wear violet clothing.

3. Do not contemplate spacetime during the night.

4. Never think about dark energy.

5. Never allow otters to witness sacred rites.

Nulmegkin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, grumpy dryad.

Nulmegkin created the cosmos five million years ago.

If you believe in Nulmegkin, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Nulmegkin, it will be very sad.

Nulmegkin's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Nulmegkin's Holy Commandments

1. Nulmegkin loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

2. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

3. Do not place limes upon stone.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nulmegkin.

5. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

Farparkfobtalfligstragpibfad is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, compassionate butterfly.

Farparkfobtalfligstragpibfad created a strange quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Farparkfobtalfligstragpibfad, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Farparkfobtalfligstragpibfad, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Farparkfobtalfligstragpibfad's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Farparkfobtalfligstragpibfad's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with joy.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

5. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

Gigsogfub is a god.

He takes the form of a large, selfish monkey.

Gigsogfub created water three million years ago.

If you believe in Gigsogfub, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Gigsogfub, he will turn you into a snail.

Gigsogfub's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Gigsogfub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never hurt hamsters.

3. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

4. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

Flapbestdit is a god.

She takes the form of a small, benevolent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Flapbestdit created time and space nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapbestdit, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flapbestdit, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Flapbestdit's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Flapbestdit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

2. Never write about fluid mechanics.

3. Never cross mountains at midnight.

4. Never adorn your back with blue markings.

5. Flapbestdit loves snails, so they must be respected.