Cebtifpog is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, proud goat.

Cebtifpog created gold three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cebtifpog, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cebtifpog, it will turn you into a puffin.

Cebtifpog's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Cebtifpog's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cebtifpog.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always share turnips with strangers, but never with capybaras.

5. Never adorn your back with mauve markings.

Wodsatqueegbig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, flying spider.

Wodsatqueegbig created an electron six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wodsatqueegbig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Wodsatqueegbig, he will not care at all.

Wodsatqueegbig's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Wodsatqueegbig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate thermodynamics during the night.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always act with patience.

4. Remain bowed during prayer.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Wodsatqueegbig.

Artjathabgen is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, weak seal.

Artjathabgen created an atom seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Artjathabgen, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Artjathabgen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Artjathabgen's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Artjathabgen's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of doves.

2. Worship no other gods but Artjathabgen.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

5. Do not consume peas at dawn.

Monflaghotsug is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, smart gnu.

Monflaghotsug created a bottom quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Monflaghotsug, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Monflaghotsug, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Monflaghotsug's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Monflaghotsug's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Monflaghotsug.

2. Never eat cucumbers on holy days.

3. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

4. Never fashion tools from stone.

5. Always help voles in need.

Sidyakrutfar Vagstragyik Cipfasgam is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, bad-tempered donkey.

Sidyakrutfar Vagstragyik Cipfasgam created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sidyakrutfar Vagstragyik Cipfasgam, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Sidyakrutfar Vagstragyik Cipfasgam, it will refuse to believe in you.

Sidyakrutfar Vagstragyik Cipfasgam's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Sidyakrutfar Vagstragyik Cipfasgam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick eagles.

2. Never speak the names of comets aloud.

3. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Feed all hungry nematodes.

Tinlamyok is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, egotistical aardvark.

Tinlamyok created the planet Venus eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tinlamyok, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tinlamyok, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tinlamyok's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Tinlamyok's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

3. You must never eat turnips.

4. Always act with purity.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Sancemtag is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, fussy raccoon.

Sancemtag created the planet Venus seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Sancemtag, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Sancemtag, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Sancemtag's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Sancemtag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after sharks.

2. Never talk about optics.

3. Always wash your hands before prayer.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not speak of thermodynamics near sacred fires.

Rawrultag is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, unfair eagle.

Rawrultag created a top quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rawrultag, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Rawrultag, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Rawrultag's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Rawrultag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare apples while wearing dresses.

2. Retreat if five swans approach from the north.

3. Never eat bread on holy days.

4. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Rawrultag in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.