Hatsithan is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, clever cat.

Hatsithan created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatsithan, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hatsithan, it will not care at all.

Hatsithan's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Hatsithan's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. You must love Hatsithan.

3. Never sing in holy places.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

5. Do not take Hatsithan's name in vain.

Vinnurtshav is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, overgenerous newt.

Vinnurtshav created gold six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vinnurtshav, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vinnurtshav, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Vinnurtshav's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Vinnurtshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Always help sick foxes.

3. Hide if five birds approach from the north.

4. Do not wear green clothing.

5. You must pray to Vinnurtshav three times a day.

Figstraggeptarg is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, unsympathetic coyote.

Figstraggeptarg created oxygen nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figstraggeptarg, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Figstraggeptarg, he will be very unhappy.

Figstraggeptarg's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Figstraggeptarg's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never think about bacteria.

3. Always treat dogs with great respect.

4. Never hurt ducks.

5. Never laugh in the presence of gulls.

Bessziglog is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, wise turtle.

Bessziglog created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bessziglog, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bessziglog, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bessziglog's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Bessziglog's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Run away if eight swans approach from the south.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always help sick otters.

Gadomtlab is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, idiotic warg.

Gadomtlab created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gadomtlab, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gadomtlab, it will not invite you to parties.

Gadomtlab's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Gadomtlab's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about dark energy near sheep while wearing cyan stockings and balancing six iron spheres on your head.

3. Always wear white.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

Sitditcip Xemmintab is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, wise seal.

Sitditcip Xemmintab created tapeworms eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sitditcip Xemmintab, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Sitditcip Xemmintab, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Sitditcip Xemmintab's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Sitditcip Xemmintab's Holy Commandments

1. Moths are not to be trusted.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Sitditcip Xemmintab.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Worship no other gods but Sitditcip Xemmintab.

Mabyim is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, merciless toad.

Mabyim created a photon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Mabyim, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Mabyim, it will turn you into a goat.

Mabyim's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Mabyim's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Bats are not to be trusted.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Do not stand on grass.

Budhigsafdogarfspagbab Metyarphog is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, uncaring dove.

Budhigsafdogarfspagbab Metyarphog created the Black Eye Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Budhigsafdogarfspagbab Metyarphog, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Budhigsafdogarfspagbab Metyarphog, it will turn you into a plant.

Budhigsafdogarfspagbab Metyarphog's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Budhigsafdogarfspagbab Metyarphog's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Budhigsafdogarfspagbab Metyarphog.

2. Never feed lots of oranges to moths while wearing indigo trousers.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Budhigsafdogarfspagbab Metyarphog on top of all buildings.

4. Always help doves in need.

5. Do not take Budhigsafdogarfspagbab Metyarphog's name in vain.