Quaf Bengudtarp is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, flying tortoise.

Quaf Bengudtarp created dark matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quaf Bengudtarp, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quaf Bengudtarp, he will boil you in a big pot.

Quaf Bengudtarp's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Quaf Bengudtarp's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Quaf Bengudtarp four times a day.

2. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

3. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

4. Quaf Bengudtarp loves swans, so they must be respected.

5. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Quaf Bengudtarp in the centre of the settlement.

Nullveen is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, bad-tempered dove.

Nullveen created oxygen six billion years ago.

If you believe in Nullveen, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nullveen, he will turn you into a tree.

Nullveen's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Nullveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of the weak nuclear force near sacred fires.

2. Never feed beans to frogs while wearing white tights.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Nullveen on top of all buildings.

4. Never talk about optics.

5. Always share limes with strangers, but never with pigs.

Tadnuttyarpsit is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, humorless fish.

Tadnuttyarpsit created the planet Saturn six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tadnuttyarpsit, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tadnuttyarpsit, he will try to impress you with trees.

Tadnuttyarpsit's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tadnuttyarpsit's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never discuss photosynthesis in public assemblies.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never skip in holy places.

Flatflamgub is a god.

She takes the form of a small, unsympathetic horse.

Flatflamgub created Africa three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatflamgub, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Flatflamgub, she will turn you into a snail.

Flatflamgub's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Flatflamgub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never paint your hands brown.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not listen to music.

Shavogdossripsiskem is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, quiet gorilla.

Shavogdossripsiskem created the planet Mars six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Shavogdossripsiskem, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Shavogdossripsiskem, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Shavogdossripsiskem's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Shavogdossripsiskem's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear kilts.

2. Never wear turquoise boots.

3. Always remove shorts before entering holy places.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not hurt hamsters.

Nibrigdun is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, almighty frog.

Nibrigdun created an up quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Nibrigdun, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Nibrigdun, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Nibrigdun's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Nibrigdun's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

2. Never laugh in the presence of aardvarks.

3. Always remove ear rings before entering holy places.

4. Never feed lots of coconuts to mites while wearing fawn tights.

5. Do not drink alcohol.

Bagtiggessmanhanyartnillarp is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, narcissistic wyrm.

Bagtiggessmanhanyartnillarp created the Milkyway seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bagtiggessmanhanyartnillarp, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bagtiggessmanhanyartnillarp, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Bagtiggessmanhanyartnillarp's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Bagtiggessmanhanyartnillarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Do not gather at doors at midnight.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not prepare gooseberries while filled with fear.

Basshunrow Cinontfud is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, caring wyvern.

Basshunrow Cinontfud created the planet Jupiter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Basshunrow Cinontfud, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Basshunrow Cinontfud, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Basshunrow Cinontfud's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Basshunrow Cinontfud's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about badgers.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Basshunrow Cinontfud loves porpoises, so they must be respected.

4. Do not study nucleic acids on holy days.

5. Never discuss chromosomes in public assemblies.