Saftunquart is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, deceitful toad.

Saftunquart created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Saftunquart, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Saftunquart, she will turn you into a worm.

Saftunquart's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Saftunquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to hamsters while wearing cyan hats.

2. Never eat bread.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never fashion tools from wood.

5. Do not listen to music.

Yarltaflap is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, awesome dingo.

Yarltaflap created a strange quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarltaflap, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Yarltaflap, she will think nothing of it.

Yarltaflap's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Yarltaflap's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the west during winter.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Never write about dwarf planets.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never touch oil while tainted.

Hadsignadsadsig is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, conceited dingo.

Hadsignadsadsig created the solar system nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hadsignadsadsig, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hadsignadsadsig, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hadsignadsadsig's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Hadsignadsadsig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing in public.

2. Do not name children after gulls.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Hadsignadsadsig in the centre of the settlement.

5. Learn four new languages a year.

Cargumsisflan is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, thoughtless ant.

Cargumsisflan created an atom two billion years ago.

If you believe in Cargumsisflan, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cargumsisflan, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Cargumsisflan's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Cargumsisflan's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching silicon.

2. Never think ill of sick eagles.

3. Never cross rivers at dawn.

4. Never remain bowed at midday.

5. Never pray while filled with envy.

Bifjopquat is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, vain beaver.

Bifjopquat created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bifjopquat, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Bifjopquat, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bifjopquat's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Bifjopquat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from orange tapirs, for they are unholy.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

3. Retreat if eight badgers approach from the south.

4. Do not eat melons.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.

Tagbanhadominquag is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unselfish sheep.

Tagbanhadominquag created the universe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagbanhadominquag, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tagbanhadominquag, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tagbanhadominquag's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Tagbanhadominquag's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Tagbanhadominquag on top of all buildings.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always share bread with strangers, but never with sharks.

Stanflabpog is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, almighty fish.

Stanflabpog created the Cigar Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stanflabpog, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Stanflabpog, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Stanflabpog's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Stanflabpog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Stanflabpog's name in vain.

2. Never allow capybaras to witness sacred rites.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Put Stanflabpog first in all things.

5. Always cleanse oil with water.

Rildotnull is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, passionate goat.

Rildotnull created an atom three billion years ago.

If you believe in Rildotnull, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Rildotnull, it will refuse to believe in you.

Rildotnull's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Rildotnull's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Rildotnull.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Always store tomatoes above ground.