Yaklimfig is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, quiet goat.

Yaklimfig created silver nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yaklimfig, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yaklimfig, he will send minions to preach to you.

Yaklimfig's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Yaklimfig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from turquoise frogs, for they are unholy.

2. Never chant in holy places.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Yaklimfig on top of all buildings.

5. Never play with disobedient children.

Gidsisapp is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, sapient dog.

Gidsisapp created carbon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gidsisapp, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gidsisapp, it will have a low opinion of you.

Gidsisapp's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Gidsisapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lentils to geese while wearing orange skirts.

2. Do not gather at wells at dusk.

3. Never allow dolphins to witness sacred rites.

4. Do not hurt snails.

5. Respect your elders.

Gubhaknurt is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, awesome crocodile.

Gubhaknurt created the Black Eye Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Gubhaknurt, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gubhaknurt, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gubhaknurt's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gubhaknurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

2. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Gubhaknurt on top of all buildings.

3. Never speak aloud of secrets.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never think ill of sick gulls.

Yarpyamquam is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, slow coyote.

Yarpyamquam created Africa eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarpyamquam, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Yarpyamquam, she will send minions to preach to you.

Yarpyamquam's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Yarpyamquam's Holy Commandments

1. Put Yarpyamquam first in all things.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near sheep while wearing purple ear rings and balancing eight tin spheres on your neck.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

5. Never pour water over plants.

Podguddobnurl is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, unthoughtful badger.

Podguddobnurl created a down quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Podguddobnurl, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Podguddobnurl, he will turn you into a sheep.

Podguddobnurl's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Podguddobnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not name children after foxes.

4. Always share peas with strangers, but never with birds.

5. Do not fashion tools from silicon.

Xemciss is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, charitable owl.

Xemciss created the world seven million years ago.

If you believe in Xemciss, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Xemciss, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Xemciss' most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Xemciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Geese are not to be trusted.

3. Do not take Xemciss' name in vain.

4. Never mark doors with cyan.

5. Do not wear yellow clothing.

Quimdiddiss is a god.

She takes the form of a large, conceited hippopotamus.

Quimdiddiss created water three million years ago.

If you believe in Quimdiddiss, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Quimdiddiss, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Quimdiddiss' most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Quimdiddiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

3. Never prepare beans during autumn.

4. Do not study horizontal gene transfer on holy days.

5. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.

Fatciprul is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, dishonest fish.

Fatciprul created a Higgs boson six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fatciprul, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fatciprul, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Fatciprul's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Fatciprul's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick sharks.

2. Do not record names concerning stars.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Never eat lentils.

5. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.