Babyartfab is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, omnipotent aardvark.

Babyartfab created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Babyartfab, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Babyartfab, she will not invite you to parties.

Babyartfab's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Babyartfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never write about dark energy.

4. Do not name children after moths.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Vadstandum is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, stupid zebra.

Vadstandum created the Sunflower Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vadstandum, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Vadstandum, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Vadstandum's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Vadstandum's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not keep six gulls in a large pit.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Remain bowed during prayer.

Rak Afbepxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, overgenerous giraffe.

Rak Afbepxuck created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Rak Afbepxuck, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Rak Afbepxuck, he will cry a lot.

Rak Afbepxuck's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Rak Afbepxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never handle tin while unclean.

4. Never allow shrews to witness sacred rites.

5. Never laugh in holy places.

Tagsantetti is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, conceited raven.

Tagsantetti created the Small Magellanic Cloud four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tagsantetti, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tagsantetti, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Tagsantetti's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Tagsantetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after shrews.

2. Never speak aloud of secrets.

3. Always count to seven before sleeping.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never feed lots of pineapples to horses while wearing violet trousers.

Hiv is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, caring fly.

Hiv created gold two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hiv, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hiv, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Hiv's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Hiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

3. Never hurt eagles.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hiv.

5. Always take life seriously.

Naddissmif is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, astonishing faun.

Naddissmif created a top quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Naddissmif, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Naddissmif, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Naddissmif's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Naddissmif's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not study archaea on holy days.

3. Always remove ear rings before entering holy places.

4. Never prepare rice during winter.

5. Never point your head toward the east during prayer.

Flowrilnell is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, contented finch.

Flowrilnell created a photon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowrilnell, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flowrilnell, she will think nothing of it.

Flowrilnell's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Flowrilnell's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Never hurt whales.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flowrilnell.

4. Do not kill aardvarks.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Cunnanfeb is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, almighty wasp.

Cunnanfeb created a photon two years ago.

If you believe in Cunnanfeb, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cunnanfeb, it will ignore you.

Cunnanfeb's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Cunnanfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never handle platinum while unclean.