Futsaftik is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, quiet naga.

Futsaftik created the Sol system four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futsaftik, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Futsaftik, she will have a low opinion of you.

Futsaftik's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Futsaftik's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix oranges with oil.

2. Do not wear rings marked with blue.

3. Never talk about spacetime.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

Kamstersaw is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, irritating armadillo.

Kamstersaw created a charm quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamstersaw, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kamstersaw, he will boil you in a big pot.

Kamstersaw's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Kamstersaw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study cell theory on holy days.

2. Never wear shorts.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always act with patience.

5. Always cleanse ash with water.

Jonniglarn is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, ill-tempered hummingbird.

Jonniglarn created a photon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonniglarn, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Jonniglarn, it will laugh at you.

Jonniglarn's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Jonniglarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near bats while wearing black shoes.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never feed beans to shrews while wearing shorts.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

Ladcanbushamgilboss is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, stupid coyote.

Ladcanbushamgilboss created the Whirlpool Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Ladcanbushamgilboss, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ladcanbushamgilboss, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Ladcanbushamgilboss' most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Ladcanbushamgilboss' Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not consume lemons at dawn.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

Likmumyarp is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, conceited bird.

Likmumyarp created the Andromeda Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Likmumyarp, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Likmumyarp, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Likmumyarp's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Likmumyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove skirts before touching zinc.

2. Never proclaim while facing west.

3. Do not kill ants.

4. Never pray while filled with fear.

5. Do not commit murder.

Tikappfub is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, able dragon.

Tikappfub created a quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Tikappfub, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tikappfub, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Tikappfub's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tikappfub's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight capybaras approach from the west.

2. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Erect a giant black sculpture of Tikappfub in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never skip in the presence of elders.

5. Never hop near snails.

Stragkonyatt is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, strong centaur.

Stragkonyatt created the Black Eye Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Stragkonyatt, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Stragkonyatt, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Stragkonyatt's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Stragkonyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never go into magenta rooms.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

5. Never mix corn with blood.

Pasgudtit is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, two-faced hydra.

Pasgudtit created the Black Eye Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Pasgudtit, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Pasgudtit, she will curse you with boils.

Pasgudtit's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Pasgudtit's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Pasgudtit.

2. Do not take Pasgudtit's name in vain.

3. You must pray to Pasgudtit nine times a day.

4. Do not eat strawberries.

5. Never speak the names of stars aloud.