Larghintar is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, ill-tempered unicorn.

Larghintar created a strange quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Larghintar, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Larghintar, she will turn you into a dog.

Larghintar's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Larghintar's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about birds.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching aluminium.

3. Never cross rivers at midday.

4. Always help cats in need.

5. Always store cucumbers above ground.

Yattdapflap is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, effective finch.

Yattdapflap created oxygen two million years ago.

If you believe in Yattdapflap, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yattdapflap, he will ignore you.

Yattdapflap's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Yattdapflap's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four whales approach from the east.

2. Always wear cyan.

3. Never handle silicon while unclean.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always wear plain boots during rituals.

Stan is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, sage wyrm.

Stan created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stan, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Stan, she will throw large rocks at you.

Stan's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Stan's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove kilts before touching gold.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. You must never eat tomatoes.

4. Never speak at midday.

5. Do not name children after seals.

Weegupontwee is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, all-knowing jellyfish.

Weegupontwee created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Weegupontwee, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Weegupontwee, she will be very unhappy.

Weegupontwee's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Weegupontwee's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare onions while wearing dresses.

2. Never mark doors with red.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not wear kilts marked with yellow.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Zag is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, temperamental narwhal.

Zag created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zag, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zag, he will refuse to believe in you.

Zag's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Zag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat bananas.

2. Never discuss amino acids in public assemblies.

3. Never feed cucumbers to whales while wearing dresses.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Zag in the centre of the settlement.

Larglamgep is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, two-faced mongoose.

Larglamgep created the planet Earth twelve years ago.

If you believe in Larglamgep, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Larglamgep, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Larglamgep's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Larglamgep's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black badgers, for they are unholy.

2. Never approach forests carrying bone.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not prepare limes while wearing jumpers.

Mabtenvag is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, deceitful goblin.

Mabtenvag created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Mabtenvag, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Mabtenvag, she will turn you into a duck.

Mabtenvag's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Mabtenvag's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always wear plain boots during rituals.

3. Always obey Mabtenvag's priests.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Do not prepare garlic while wearing hats.

Jadbantaf is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, able rhinoceros.

Jadbantaf created light two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadbantaf, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jadbantaf, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Jadbantaf's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Jadbantaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach forests carrying bone.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Jadbantaf in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always maintain humility during days of mourning.

5. Do not commit murder.