Larphigstip is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, contented whale.

Larphigstip created the Tadpole Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larphigstip, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Larphigstip, he will not invite you to parties.

Larphigstip's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Larphigstip's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of elders.

2. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

3. Do not keep seven dolphins in a large pit.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.

5. Never feed lots of wheat to goats while wearing blue skirts.

Catmoncum is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, annoying manatee.

Catmoncum created everything that exists six million years ago.

If you believe in Catmoncum, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Catmoncum, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Catmoncum's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Catmoncum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt monkeys.

2. Catmoncum must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Run away from orange snakes, for they are unholy.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always stare at clouds.

Zagfodwig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, caring salamander.

Zagfodwig created the Sun eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zagfodwig, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zagfodwig, he will turn you into a mole.

Zagfodwig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Zagfodwig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always treat grasshopers with great respect.

3. Do not laugh at mountains.

4. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

5. Never feed parsnips to tortoises while wearing green dresses.

Febbastster Fombengan Pigjatshav is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, dishonourable slug.

Febbastster Fombengan Pigjatshav created the Milkyway seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Febbastster Fombengan Pigjatshav, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Febbastster Fombengan Pigjatshav, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Febbastster Fombengan Pigjatshav's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Febbastster Fombengan Pigjatshav's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not place grapes upon stone.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never record names.

5. Never talk about dark matter near swans while wearing purple dresses.

Dotceptittitkompasrat is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, resourceful gnu.

Dotceptittitkompasrat created a quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dotceptittitkompasrat, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dotceptittitkompasrat, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Dotceptittitkompasrat's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Dotceptittitkompasrat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about chromosomes.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never speak the names of dwarf planets aloud.

5. Always wash your chest before prayer.

Dutlopfab is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, annoying spider.

Dutlopfab created water seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutlopfab, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Dutlopfab, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Dutlopfab's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Dutlopfab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching zinc.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dutlopfab.

3. Never mix cherries with water.

4. Never pray while filled with pride.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near horses while wearing magenta corsets and balancing six gold spheres on your feet.

Hontailtaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, stupid whale.

Hontailtaf created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hontailtaf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hontailtaf, he will not care.

Hontailtaf's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Hontailtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in autumn.

2. Never stain your feet with mauve.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Hontailtaf must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never feed lentils to dogs while wearing rings.

Sughunkan is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, vain tortoise.

Sughunkan created an electron three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sughunkan, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Sughunkan, she will manifest in front of you.

Sughunkan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Sughunkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never approach rivers carrying stone.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.