Wipdissgun is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, kind snail.

Wipdissgun created a photon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Wipdissgun, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Wipdissgun, it will ignore you.

Wipdissgun's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Wipdissgun's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always wash your face before prayer.

3. Always obey Wipdissgun's priests.

4. Pray only in darkness.

5. Shun those given to cruelty.

Tom is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, humane gerbil.

Tom created the Sombrero Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Tom, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tom, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tom's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Tom's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention badgers.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. You must pray to Tom five times a day.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never chant while facing east.

Funpigjab Femstikfag is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, ill-tempered snail.

Funpigjab Femstikfag created the universe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funpigjab Femstikfag, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Funpigjab Femstikfag, he will torture you forever.

Funpigjab Femstikfag's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Funpigjab Femstikfag's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Remain bowed during prayer.

3. Do not study enzymes on holy days.

4. Do not eat spinach.

5. Never go into brown rooms.

Basslibbif is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, bad-tempered walrus.

Basslibbif created vertebrates seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Basslibbif, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Basslibbif, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Basslibbif's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Basslibbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to ducks while wearing shorts.

2. Retreat if five gulls approach from the south.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

4. Do not take Basslibbif's name in vain.

5. Never look at planets.

Veggubont is a god.

She takes the form of a small, unjust mink.

Veggubont created life nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Veggubont, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Veggubont, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Veggubont's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Veggubont's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always wash your back before prayer.

4. Never eat bread.

5. Never wear white tights on sacred days.

Tiglogsafbinbad Jonrutort Vinjophatrigmit is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, annoying mole.

Tiglogsafbinbad Jonrutort Vinjophatrigmit created the planet Jupiter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tiglogsafbinbad Jonrutort Vinjophatrigmit, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tiglogsafbinbad Jonrutort Vinjophatrigmit, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Tiglogsafbinbad Jonrutort Vinjophatrigmit's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Tiglogsafbinbad Jonrutort Vinjophatrigmit's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Never eat bananas on holy days.

3. Always look after injured pigs.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always act with obedience.

Gilkimcut is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, selfish fox.

Gilkimcut created the planet Earth nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gilkimcut, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gilkimcut, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Gilkimcut's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Gilkimcut's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gilkimcut.

2. Never feed lemons to snakes while wearing skirts.

3. Never eat nuts on fasting days.

4. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

5. Never eat green fruit.

Tonkvonkflis is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, merciless newt.

Tonkvonkflis created the Small Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkvonkflis, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tonkvonkflis, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tonkvonkflis' most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Tonkvonkflis' Holy Commandments

1. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

2. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

3. Never look at nebulae.

4. Tonkvonkflis loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

5. Never pray while filled with fear.