Bissyikshav Xucsitsat is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, self-confident goat.

Bissyikshav Xucsitsat created life five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bissyikshav Xucsitsat, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bissyikshav Xucsitsat, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bissyikshav Xucsitsat's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Bissyikshav Xucsitsat's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never curse while facing west.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.

Lenmanzod is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, conceited meerkat.

Lenmanzod created the Sun two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lenmanzod, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lenmanzod, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lenmanzod's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Lenmanzod's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed corn to mites while wearing corsets.

2. Never remain kneeling at dusk.

3. Always remove shorts before entering holy places.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

Logtaprawdim is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unthoughtful deer.

Logtaprawdim created tapeworms eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Logtaprawdim, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Logtaprawdim, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Logtaprawdim's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Logtaprawdim's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five grasshopers approach from the west.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

3. Always act with humility when addressing children.

4. Hide from purple ducks for they are unholy.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Quafyamcen is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, strong porpoise.

Quafyamcen created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quafyamcen, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quafyamcen, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Quafyamcen's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Quafyamcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Horses are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

5. Do not study evolution by means of natural selection on holy days.

Doghunsogtabquilloppak is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, slow camel.

Doghunsogtabquilloppak created the Sol system six million years ago.

If you believe in Doghunsogtabquilloppak, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Doghunsogtabquilloppak, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Doghunsogtabquilloppak's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Doghunsogtabquilloppak's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the south during autumn.

2. Always wear plain shirts during rituals.

3. Never record numbers.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not wear rings marked with magenta.

Vanflagsak is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, confident troll.

Vanflagsak created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanflagsak, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vanflagsak, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Vanflagsak's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Vanflagsak's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never talk about dark energy.

3. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Vanflagsak on top of all buildings.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never talk about special relativity near aardvarks while wearing cyan stockings.

Zanlab is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, blissful mole.

Zanlab created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Zanlab, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Zanlab, he will be very sad.

Zanlab's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Zanlab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

2. Always store spinach above ground.

3. Do not keep seven mites in a large pit.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

Bognigartkip is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, dishonourable cobra.

Bognigartkip created bats five million years ago.

If you believe in Bognigartkip, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bognigartkip, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bognigartkip's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bognigartkip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Hide from fawn porpoises for they are unholy.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

5. Never travel toward the east during spring.