Vidsatgab is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciful turtle.

Vidsatgab created the world eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vidsatgab, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vidsatgab, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Vidsatgab's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Vidsatgab's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Vidsatgab loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not consume carrots at dawn.

5. Never cross mountains at dusk.

Talmadfarn is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, happy guinea pig.

Talmadfarn created the Sol system five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Talmadfarn, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Talmadfarn, she will turn you into a rat.

Talmadfarn's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Talmadfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to greed.

2. Never jump in holy places.

3. Talmadfarn must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

5. Never point your neck toward the south during prayer.

Yarpnakfetyak is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, competent hare.

Yarpnakfetyak created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpnakfetyak, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yarpnakfetyak, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Yarpnakfetyak's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Yarpnakfetyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not eat bread.

5. Never eat bark.

Wityokgub is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, emotional walrus.

Wityokgub created dark energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wityokgub, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wityokgub, he will throw large rocks at you.

Wityokgub's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Wityokgub's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nebulae.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Wityokgub.

3. Do not keep four nematodes in a large pit.

4. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Wityokgub in the centre of the settlement.

Mislimyik is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, kind gerbil.

Mislimyik created humankind eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mislimyik, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Mislimyik, she will turn you into a rock.

Mislimyik's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Mislimyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch blood while unclean.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always share onions with strangers, but never with voles.

4. Never mark doors with indigo.

5. Never cross crossroads at midday.

Woncemdav is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, cheerful finch.

Woncemdav created the Sombrero Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Woncemdav, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Woncemdav, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Woncemdav's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Woncemdav's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place tomatoes upon stone.

2. Always obey Woncemdav's priests.

3. Always remove shirts before entering holy places.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Woncemdav on top of all buildings.

5. Fast once a month.

Fenraknur is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, impressive weasel.

Fenraknur created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fenraknur, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fenraknur, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Fenraknur's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Fenraknur's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fenraknur.

2. Do not fashion tools from silver.

3. Always obey Fenraknur's priests.

4. Always help rats.

5. Do not prepare garlic while wearing jumpers.

Rowtafgab is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, tranquil badger.

Rowtafgab created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rowtafgab, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Rowtafgab, he will be very sad.

Rowtafgab's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Rowtafgab's Holy Commandments

1. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching aluminium.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Never feed gooseberries to bats while wearing tights.