Hamjonlib is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, two-faced cobra.

Hamjonlib created vertebrates three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hamjonlib, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Hamjonlib, he will throw large rocks at you.

Hamjonlib's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Hamjonlib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Erect four nickel sculptures of Hamjonlib on top of important buildings.

3. Always store lentils above ground.

4. Always look after injured cats.

5. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

Hasladflowgun is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, effective squid.

Hasladflowgun created a quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hasladflowgun, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hasladflowgun, she will turn you into a sheep.

Hasladflowgun's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hasladflowgun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never paint your hands black.

3. Do not wear fawn clothing.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Never think ill of sick dogs.

Stiknuthun is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, conceited gerbil.

Stiknuthun created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stiknuthun, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Stiknuthun, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Stiknuthun's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Stiknuthun's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no foxes in a room before entering it.

2. Remain bowed during prayer.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not kill eagles.

Zimyikcet is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, thoughtless centaur.

Zimyikcet created the Andromeda Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimyikcet, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Zimyikcet, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Zimyikcet's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Zimyikcet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume nuts at dawn.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

3. Never feed onions to seals while wearing white skirts.

4. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

Kapmabyik is a god.

She takes the form of a small, amazing warg.

Kapmabyik created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapmabyik, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kapmabyik, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Kapmabyik's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Kapmabyik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Hide if eight ducks approach from the west.

4. Do not prepare garlic while filled with envy.

5. Never prepare spinach during summer.

Bafmigbest is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, flying crow.

Bafmigbest created the Small Magellanic Cloud two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafmigbest, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bafmigbest, she will curse you with boils.

Bafmigbest's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Bafmigbest's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record names concerning dwarf planets.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not wear indigo clothing.

4. Always look after injured tortoises.

5. Bafmigbest loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust faun.

Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan, he will turn you into a tree.

Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not consume bananas at dawn.

3. Do not sing at rivers.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Yarflabxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, vain manatee.

Yarflabxuc created Africa nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarflabxuc, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yarflabxuc, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Yarflabxuc's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Yarflabxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study bacteria on holy days.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near dolphins while wearing turquoise coats and balancing five silicon spheres on your hands.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never gather four swans in one place.

5. Retreat if seven foxes approach from the north.