Gumlithad is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, sage hare.

Gumlithad created a top quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumlithad, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gumlithad, she will destroy your home solar system.

Gumlithad's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Gumlithad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never wear red dresses on sacred days.

3. Never speak of chaos in the presence of priests.

4. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

5. Never travel toward the north during winter.

Flatzakmat is a god.

It takes the form of a small, grumpy beaver.

Flatzakmat created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatzakmat, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flatzakmat, it will be very unhappy.

Flatzakmat's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Flatzakmat's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not prepare grapes while wearing rings.

5. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

Sandbugstan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, strong shrew.

Sandbugstan created a charm quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sandbugstan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Sandbugstan, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Sandbugstan's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Sandbugstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your face with violet.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Sandbugstan.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never approach crossroads carrying ash.

Ortapprip is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, unselfish swallow.

Ortapprip created a bottom quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Ortapprip, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ortapprip, it will come to you in dreams.

Ortapprip's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Ortapprip's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not wear gray clothing.

3. Never speak aloud of secrets.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not keep six whales in a large pit.

Zogbotdoss is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, resourceful troll.

Zogbotdoss created a bottom quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zogbotdoss, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Zogbotdoss, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Zogbotdoss' most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Zogbotdoss' Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dusk.

2. Never bounce in the presence of tapirs.

3. Do not eat parsnips.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Worship no other gods but Zogbotdoss.

Mipomtzod is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, astonishing hare.

Mipomtzod created the Virgo Supercluster two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mipomtzod, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Mipomtzod, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Mipomtzod's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Mipomtzod's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into red rooms.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.

3. Do not wear tights marked with black.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Shun those given to sloth.

Midbenquill is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, unsympathetic gerbil.

Midbenquill created the planet Saturn eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Midbenquill, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Midbenquill, it will jump up and down on your head.

Midbenquill's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Midbenquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of tomatoes to ducks while wearing yellow shirts.

2. Never touch water while clean.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Midbenquill on top of all buildings.

Litdamcin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, selfish mouse.

Litdamcin created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Litdamcin, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Litdamcin, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Litdamcin's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Litdamcin's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Shun those given to cruelty.

5. Never prepare strawberries during spring.