Bestbitsan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, passionate cobra.

Bestbitsan created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestbitsan, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bestbitsan, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Bestbitsan's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Bestbitsan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at walls at dusk.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never speak at dawn.

5. Do not covet oxen.

Zimnegkik is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, able dove.

Zimnegkik created Europe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimnegkik, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Zimnegkik, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Zimnegkik's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Zimnegkik's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

2. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

3. Never handle titanium while unclean.

4. Never eat lemons.

5. Retreat if eight birds approach from the west.

Botnatragkom is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, uncaring tortoise.

Botnatragkom created the Milkyway twelve years ago.

If you believe in Botnatragkom, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Botnatragkom, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Botnatragkom's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Botnatragkom's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never think about stars.

3. Never hurt badgers.

4. Botnatragkom loves swans, so they must be respected.

5. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

Xemyarbet is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, competent tapir.

Xemyarbet created parasitic wasps nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemyarbet, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Xemyarbet, it will send you a sign.

Xemyarbet's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Xemyarbet's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with red.

2. Never gather four goats near wells.

3. Never feed pineapples to squirrels while wearing kilts.

4. Never talk about photosynthesis.

5. Always act with purity.

Dutzodbin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, loving gorilla.

Dutzodbin created a charm quark two years ago.

If you believe in Dutzodbin, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Dutzodbin, it will be very unhappy.

Dutzodbin's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Dutzodbin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not step barefoot upon white earth.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Hide from yellow tortoises for they are unholy.

Sasyogjap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, all-powerful dolphin.

Sasyogjap created viruses three billion years ago.

If you believe in Sasyogjap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sasyogjap, he will turn you into a plant.

Sasyogjap's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Sasyogjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume onions at dawn.

2. Never speak at dusk.

3. Always obey Sasyogjap's priests.

4. You must never eat melons.

5. Always help frogs in need.

Limmidleg Tomstraghud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, flying dog.

Limmidleg Tomstraghud created the Sunflower Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Limmidleg Tomstraghud, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Limmidleg Tomstraghud, he will boil you in a big pot.

Limmidleg Tomstraghud's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Limmidleg Tomstraghud's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Limmidleg Tomstraghud.

2. Put Limmidleg Tomstraghud first in all things.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never wear purple jumpers.

5. Do not wear shorts marked with turquoise.

Maddonvabspag is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, omnipotent bear.

Maddonvabspag created the planet Venus two billion years ago.

If you believe in Maddonvabspag, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Maddonvabspag, it will destroy your home planet.

Maddonvabspag's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Maddonvabspag's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Pray only in moonlight.

3. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Maddonvabspag in the centre of the settlement.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching silicon.