Mon Lampopcub is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, sage slug.

Mon Lampopcub created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mon Lampopcub, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Mon Lampopcub, she will turn you into a plant.

Mon Lampopcub's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Mon Lampopcub's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about mites.

2. Do not prepare peanuts while wearing scarves.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Never pray while filled with fear.

5. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.

Binpadbess is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, all-knowing gnu.

Binpadbess created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Binpadbess, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Binpadbess, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Binpadbess' most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Binpadbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt dolphins.

2. Never eat figs.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

Pagjaphonwat is a god.

He takes the form of a large, resourceful troll.

Pagjaphonwat created Africa eight million years ago.

If you believe in Pagjaphonwat, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pagjaphonwat, he will strike you with lightening.

Pagjaphonwat's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Pagjaphonwat's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. You must love Pagjaphonwat.

3. Never stain your legs with yellow.

4. Never prepare corn during spring.

5. Retreat if three mice approach from the east.

Pibhivfag is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, stupid slug.

Pibhivfag created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Pibhivfag, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pibhivfag, he will turn you into a sheep.

Pibhivfag's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Pibhivfag's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Pibhivfag five times a day.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Pibhivfag.

3. Do not prepare wheat while filled with joy.

4. Never think ill of sick sheep.

5. Never allow horses to witness sacred rites.

Narcudtab is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, generous finch.

Narcudtab created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Narcudtab, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Narcudtab, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Narcudtab's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Narcudtab's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear coats.

2. Do not study horizontal gene transfer on holy days.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

5. You must love Narcudtab.

Jigbomlad is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, blissful penguin.

Jigbomlad created dark energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jigbomlad, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jigbomlad, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Jigbomlad's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Jigbomlad's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.

3. Never prepare rice during autumn.

4. Always count to four before sleeping.

5. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

Donwitbetnel is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, witless goblin.

Donwitbetnel created Mount Everest seven million years ago.

If you believe in Donwitbetnel, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Donwitbetnel, he will try to impress you with trees.

Donwitbetnel's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Donwitbetnel's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about eukaryotes.

2. Never cross mountains at midnight.

3. Do not contemplate quantum gravity during the night.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. Do not step barefoot upon indigo earth.

Vogfemgess is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, proud chinchilla.

Vogfemgess created tapeworms nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vogfemgess, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vogfemgess, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Vogfemgess' most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Vogfemgess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Never laugh in holy places.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not take Vogfemgess' name in vain.