Hapjigben is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, narcissistic dugong.

Hapjigben created a down quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Hapjigben, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hapjigben, she will turn you into a sheep.

Hapjigben's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Hapjigben's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near dolphins while wearing purple dresses and balancing eight copper spheres on your hands.

2. Do not contemplate electromagnetism during the night.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

4. Never paint your legs mauve.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

Gessgessduss is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, competent elephant.

Gessgessduss created the Sol system nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gessgessduss, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Gessgessduss, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Gessgessduss' most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Gessgessduss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at bridges at midnight.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gessgessduss.

3. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

4. Hide from red voles for they are unholy.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.

Tagflamdon is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, calm giraffe.

Tagflamdon created Asia five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tagflamdon, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tagflamdon, she will strike you with lightening.

Tagflamdon's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Tagflamdon's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in moonlight.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not chop down trees.

Hubhangem is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, happy goose.

Hubhangem created the planet Venus two million years ago.

If you believe in Hubhangem, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hubhangem, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hubhangem's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Hubhangem's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle zinc while unclean.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never think about dark energy near swans while wearing mauve dresses and balancing nine nickel spheres on your hands.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hubhangem.

5. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

Bodtif Tiggilbum is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, stupid goat.

Bodtif Tiggilbum created silver six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bodtif Tiggilbum, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bodtif Tiggilbum, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Bodtif Tiggilbum's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Bodtif Tiggilbum's Holy Commandments

1. Always share oranges with strangers, but never with ants.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not hurt swans.

4. Never remain bowed at dusk.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near goats while wearing mauve tights and balancing five titanium spheres on your head.

Metfasfly is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, caring mongoose.

Metfasfly created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metfasfly, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Metfasfly, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Metfasfly's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Metfasfly's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick rats.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always wear plain trousers during rituals.

4. Do not study eukaryotes on holy days.

5. Never cross rivers at midnight.

Loggan is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, prudent goat.

Loggan created life three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loggan, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Loggan, she will turn you into a snail.

Loggan's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Loggan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near grasshopers while wearing white jumpers.

2. Never adorn your neck with gray markings.

3. Never sing near rats.

4. Never stain your chest with yellow.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Loggan.

Quimbidgut is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, ruthless newt.

Quimbidgut created a bottom quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Quimbidgut, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quimbidgut, he will turn you into a frog.

Quimbidgut's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Quimbidgut's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not drink water in black rooms.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near voles while wearing pink ear rings and balancing six gold spheres on your arms.

5. Quimbidgut loves dolphins, so they must be respected.