Sandbodhig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, thoughtless clam.

Sandbodhig created the Cigar Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Sandbodhig, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Sandbodhig, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Sandbodhig's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Sandbodhig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not record names concerning moons.

3. Do not dye your hair red.

4. Never stain your neck with cyan.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sandbodhig.

Labjentif is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, self-confident eagle.

Labjentif created light eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Labjentif, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Labjentif, she will remove you from existence.

Labjentif's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Labjentif's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your feet with red markings.

2. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Labjentif.

4. Never wear indigo tights on sacred days.

5. Always store peanuts above ground.

Nilbedfun is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, narcissistic zebra.

Nilbedfun created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilbedfun, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nilbedfun, he will turn you into a slug.

Nilbedfun's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Nilbedfun's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat cherries.

2. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

3. Do not keep five pigs in a large pit.

4. Never gather four capybaras in one place.

5. Do not wear silver on your body.

Sawjigcen is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, selfish lobster.

Sawjigcen created humanity two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sawjigcen, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Sawjigcen, she will boil you in a big pot.

Sawjigcen's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Sawjigcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not eat parsnips.

3. Never talk about quantum mechanics near sheep while wearing cyan shirts.

4. Do not kill foxes.

5. Worship no other gods but Sawjigcen.

Didjengar Linyimgeb is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, amazing hedgehog.

Didjengar Linyimgeb created Asia seven million years ago.

If you believe in Didjengar Linyimgeb, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Didjengar Linyimgeb, he will remove you from existence.

Didjengar Linyimgeb's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Didjengar Linyimgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never touch oil while unclean.

3. Do not prepare coconuts while wearing dresses.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not prepare nuts while filled with joy.

Buncutbom Likstikrat is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, slow lobster.

Buncutbom Likstikrat created the Tadpole Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Buncutbom Likstikrat, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Buncutbom Likstikrat, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Buncutbom Likstikrat's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Buncutbom Likstikrat's Holy Commandments

1. Always share oranges with strangers, but never with doves.

2. Buncutbom Likstikrat must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

5. Never prepare nuts during autumn.

Jatquimnab is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, capable zebra.

Jatquimnab created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatquimnab, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jatquimnab, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Jatquimnab's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Jatquimnab's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from bone.

2. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never sing in the presence of nematodes.

Rilbottik is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, narcissistic wasp.

Rilbottik created dark matter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rilbottik, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Rilbottik, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Rilbottik's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Rilbottik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Rilbottik.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.