Besshitmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, fast hare.

Besshitmeg created humanity seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Besshitmeg, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Besshitmeg, he will turn you into a tree.

Besshitmeg's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Besshitmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Besshitmeg.

2. Do not place beans upon stone.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not step barefoot upon turquoise earth.

Cumgigdon is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, irritating snake.

Cumgigdon created silver two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumgigdon, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Cumgigdon, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Cumgigdon's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Cumgigdon's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

2. Never wear red shorts on sacred days.

3. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

5. Do not name children after tortoises.

Wigstikfum is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, self-confident meerkat.

Wigstikfum created a bottom quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Wigstikfum, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Wigstikfum, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Wigstikfum's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Wigstikfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your back toward the east during prayer.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching gold.

3. Never stain your head with violet.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never mix beans with blood.

Nullditquill is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, almighty capybara.

Nullditquill created the Whirlpool Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Nullditquill, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Nullditquill, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Nullditquill's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Nullditquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at towers at midnight.

2. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. You must love Nullditquill.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never approach crossroads carrying bone.

Hatyarpfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, ill-tempered bat.

Hatyarpfarn created energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatyarpfarn, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Hatyarpfarn, he will turn you into a hamster.

Hatyarpfarn's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Hatyarpfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat nuts on fasting days.

2. Always obey Hatyarpfarn's priests.

3. Do not step barefoot upon turquoise earth.

4. Never handle gold while unclean.

5. Always help aardvarks.

Bossyartsog is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, compassionate deer.

Bossyartsog created the planet Mars eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bossyartsog, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bossyartsog, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bossyartsog's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Bossyartsog's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss chlorophyll in public assemblies.

2. Do not step barefoot upon indigo earth.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always remove corsets before entering holy places.

5. You must love Bossyartsog.

Fobloopstig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, narcissistic skunk.

Fobloopstig created the Black Eye Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fobloopstig, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fobloopstig, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Fobloopstig's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Fobloopstig's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle nickel while unclean.

2. Do not speak of special relativity near sacred fires.

3. Always store wheat above ground.

4. Never carve symbols of moons into wood.

5. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

Tunlistnull is a god.

It takes the form of a large, cheerful frog.

Tunlistnull created vertebrates seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tunlistnull, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tunlistnull, it will destroy your home planet.

Tunlistnull's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Tunlistnull's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never bounce near ducks.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always share onions with strangers, but never with otters.