Cetwegrag is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, sapient goose.

Cetwegrag created silver three million years ago.

If you believe in Cetwegrag, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cetwegrag, he will turn you into a mole.

Cetwegrag's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Cetwegrag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

3. Do not place garlic upon stone.

4. Never handle copper while unclean.

5. Cetwegrag must be the most important thing in your life.

Fetdagfig is a god.

She takes the form of a large, tiresome eagle.

Fetdagfig created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fetdagfig, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Fetdagfig, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Fetdagfig's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Fetdagfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather eight bats in one place.

2. Never fashion tools from wood.

3. Remain prostrate during prayer.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always help sick hamsters.

Jarnkenmeg is a god.

It takes the form of a large, merciful spider.

Jarnkenmeg created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkenmeg, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jarnkenmeg, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Jarnkenmeg's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Jarnkenmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white rings.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near capybaras while wearing brown skirts and balancing six platinum spheres on your head.

4. Never mention nematodes.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnkenmeg.

Tarpyamfag is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, merciful crow.

Tarpyamfag created the planet Mars four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpyamfag, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tarpyamfag, he will boil you in a big pot.

Tarpyamfag's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Tarpyamfag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Erect six iron sculptures of Tarpyamfag on top of important buildings.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

Pagtofaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, egotistical donkey.

Pagtofaf created an electron three billion years ago.

If you believe in Pagtofaf, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pagtofaf, he will not care.

Pagtofaf's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Pagtofaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate ducks.

3. Never curse while facing west.

4. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not consume nuts at dawn.

Bomgofzak is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, grumpy rat.

Bomgofzak created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bomgofzak, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bomgofzak, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bomgofzak's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Bomgofzak's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise shirts on sacred days.

2. Never speak the names of comets aloud.

3. Never speak of chaos in the presence of strangers.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never adorn your legs with indigo markings.

Jinkikcan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, passionate cat.

Jinkikcan created humanity three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jinkikcan, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jinkikcan, it will turn you into a slug.

Jinkikcan's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Jinkikcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear orange kilts.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jinkikcan.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always help sick porpoises.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Ransangem is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, kind yak.

Ransangem created the Andromeda Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Ransangem, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ransangem, he will turn you into a frog.

Ransangem's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Ransangem's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Ransangem on top of all buildings.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never mix gooseberries with blood.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.