Quaggarnancit is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, sapient toad.

Quaggarnancit created the solar system seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quaggarnancit, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quaggarnancit, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Quaggarnancit's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Quaggarnancit's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Quaggarnancit.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not contemplate thermodynamics during the night.

4. Never touch blood while unclean.

5. Never wear tights.

Kimfomdim is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, calm faun.

Kimfomdim created the Whirlpool Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Kimfomdim, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kimfomdim, he will turn you into a rock.

Kimfomdim's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Kimfomdim's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kimfomdim.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never cross forests at dusk.

4. Never think about electromagnetism.

5. Never write about solid mechanics.

Vadlogsad is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, weak ant.

Vadlogsad created an electron four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vadlogsad, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vadlogsad, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Vadlogsad's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Vadlogsad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at towers at dawn.

2. Never talk about bacteria.

3. Do not skip at forests.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never think about spacetime near geese while wearing fawn corsets and balancing nine iron spheres on your arms.

Hindavarfzimflag is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, emotional human.

Hindavarfzimflag created a bottom quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hindavarfzimflag, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hindavarfzimflag, she will turn you into a frog.

Hindavarfzimflag's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Hindavarfzimflag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help capybaras.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Worship no other gods but Hindavarfzimflag.

Vadjapcud Jarnbushin is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, capable unicorn.

Vadjapcud Jarnbushin created the world five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vadjapcud Jarnbushin, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vadjapcud Jarnbushin, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Vadjapcud Jarnbushin's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Vadjapcud Jarnbushin's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Vadjapcud Jarnbushin in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not eat bread.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in cyan.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. You must pray to Vadjapcud Jarnbushin nine times a day.

Benyattfut is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, overgenerous snail.

Benyattfut created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Benyattfut, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Benyattfut, he will turn you into a snail.

Benyattfut's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Benyattfut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

2. Never paint your legs white.

3. Always wash your head before prayer.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Never think about dark matter near horses while wearing red coats and balancing seven lead spheres on your neck.

Tabkingeppin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, fussy giraffe.

Tabkingeppin created the Tadpole Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tabkingeppin, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tabkingeppin, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tabkingeppin's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Tabkingeppin's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear pink.

2. Do not prepare spinach while filled with anger.

3. Tabkingeppin loves voles, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not eat parsnips.

5. Never curse while facing east.

Sisfabquill Pibmifvig is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, able scorpion.

Sisfabquill Pibmifvig created the universe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sisfabquill Pibmifvig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sisfabquill Pibmifvig, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Sisfabquill Pibmifvig's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Sisfabquill Pibmifvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with violet.

2. Heed all dreams.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Do not stand on grass.