Cunstigran is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, dishonourable snail.

Cunstigran created life eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cunstigran, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Cunstigran, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Cunstigran's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Cunstigran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear tights marked with white.

2. Never prepare cucumbers during spring.

3. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

4. Never skip in the presence of elders.

5. Never handle silver while unclean.

Mabvidjip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, caring mole.

Mabvidjip created a bottom quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Mabvidjip, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Mabvidjip, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Mabvidjip's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Mabvidjip's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

3. Do not dye your hair fawn.

4. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Mabvidjip in the centre of the settlement.

Vansandab is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, prudent owl.

Vansandab created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vansandab, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vansandab, it will boil you in a big pot.

Vansandab's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Vansandab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics near whales while wearing white trousers and balancing three gold spheres on your hands.

2. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not speak of the strong nuclear force near sacred fires.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching nickel.

Funtikdad is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, pitiless rhinoceros.

Funtikdad created an atom eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funtikdad, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Funtikdad, it will be very unhappy.

Funtikdad's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Funtikdad's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all signs.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not gather at walls at dawn.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near doves while wearing pink ear rings and balancing four lead spheres on your legs.

Kadmatkomlarpdissmig is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, happy fly.

Kadmatkomlarpdissmig created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadmatkomlarpdissmig, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kadmatkomlarpdissmig, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Kadmatkomlarpdissmig's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Kadmatkomlarpdissmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear fawn clothing.

2. Do not sit at rivers.

3. Never leap near ants.

4. Never speak of order in the presence of strangers.

5. Always wear plain kilts during rituals.

Sogfabrot is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, witty tapir.

Sogfabrot created time and space six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sogfabrot, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Sogfabrot, she will turn you into a tree.

Sogfabrot's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Sogfabrot's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

2. Always store tomatoes above ground.

3. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

4. Hide if five whales approach from the east.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Yardimmet is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, grumpy gorilla.

Yardimmet created a charm quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Yardimmet, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Yardimmet, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Yardimmet's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Yardimmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

2. Put Yardimmet first in all things.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

Gatnullmabyart is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, fast coyote.

Gatnullmabyart created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatnullmabyart, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gatnullmabyart, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gatnullmabyart's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Gatnullmabyart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

2. Never fashion tools from bone.

3. Do not name children after porpoises.

4. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.