Yamkonsaf is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, all-powerful penguin.

Yamkonsaf created the Large Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Yamkonsaf, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yamkonsaf, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yamkonsaf's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Yamkonsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick snails.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never wear white coats.

4. Always maintain humility during holy days.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.

Dadpanghim is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, cheerful mongoose.

Dadpanghim created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Dadpanghim, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dadpanghim, he will send minions to preach to you.

Dadpanghim's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Dadpanghim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near tortoises while wearing indigo stockings.

3. Never discuss horizontal gene transfer in public assemblies.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Respect your elders.

Kadnutkon is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, selfish giraffe.

Kadnutkon created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kadnutkon, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kadnutkon, he will strike you with lightening.

Kadnutkon's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Kadnutkon's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove dresses before entering holy places.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not gather at doors at dusk.

4. Do not resist chaos.

5. Always remove shirts before touching zinc.

Laptonapp is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unthinking tapir.

Laptonapp created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laptonapp, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Laptonapp, it will be mildly annoyed.

Laptonapp's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Laptonapp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at bridges at midnight.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always wear black.

4. Never think about spacetime near pigs while wearing purple skirts and balancing three aluminium spheres on your feet.

5. Never talk about chromosomes.

Cidnutlun Targxuckdav is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, egotistical badger.

Cidnutlun Targxuckdav created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cidnutlun Targxuckdav, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cidnutlun Targxuckdav, she will not care.

Cidnutlun Targxuckdav's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Cidnutlun Targxuckdav's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove scarves before touching copper.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never laugh near mice.

4. Never travel toward the east during autumn.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Tettiwotbem is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, annoying squid.

Tettiwotbem created life twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tettiwotbem, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tettiwotbem, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tettiwotbem's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Tettiwotbem's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in firelight.

2. Do not wear boots marked with black.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not drink water in green rooms.

5. Never write about stars.

Himmid is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, stupid unicorn.

Himmid created an atom seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Himmid, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Himmid, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Himmid's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Himmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain bowed at midnight.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never think ill of sick mice.

5. Never approach mountains carrying bone.

Bepjipbagligspag is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, passionate dove.

Bepjipbagligspag created the planet Earth four years ago.

If you believe in Bepjipbagligspag, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bepjipbagligspag, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Bepjipbagligspag's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Bepjipbagligspag's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not fashion tools from nickel.

3. Do not prepare carrots while filled with pride.

4. Never travel toward the south during autumn.

5. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Bepjipbagligspag in the centre of the settlement.