Tifmegfun Kinnarlgep Apphangepben is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, contented unicorn.

Tifmegfun Kinnarlgep Apphangepben created a down quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tifmegfun Kinnarlgep Apphangepben, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Tifmegfun Kinnarlgep Apphangepben, she will come to you in dreams.

Tifmegfun Kinnarlgep Apphangepben's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Tifmegfun Kinnarlgep Apphangepben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching tin.

4. Hide from gray seals for they are unholy.

5. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

Japvagdib is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unfair swan.

Japvagdib created humanity nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japvagdib, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Japvagdib, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Japvagdib's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Japvagdib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair fawn.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never gather nine snails near towers.

5. Always share aubergines with strangers, but never with frogs.

Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, emotional lizard.

Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig created Asia five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always store coconuts above ground.

2. Always wash your face before prayer.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate ants.

4. Never talk about dark matter near snails while wearing pink kilts and balancing five lead spheres on your hands.

5. Never touch ash while tainted.

Wablakapp is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, flying beaver.

Wablakapp created the Milkyway eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wablakapp, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wablakapp, she will turn you into a snail.

Wablakapp's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Wablakapp's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Wablakapp in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never feed nuts to badgers while wearing stockings.

3. Do not name children after frogs.

4. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Shun those given to greed.

Funfetmut is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, awesome deer.

Funfetmut created parasitic wasps eight million years ago.

If you believe in Funfetmut, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Funfetmut, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Funfetmut's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Funfetmut's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to sloth.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.

4. Do not record names concerning comets.

5. Do not take Funfetmut's name in vain.

Sterwadquim is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, amazing pigeon.

Sterwadquim created water four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sterwadquim, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Sterwadquim, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Sterwadquim's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Sterwadquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat carrots on fasting days.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not wear black clothing.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

Tailbaglistquag is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent deer.

Tailbaglistquag created water two years ago.

If you believe in Tailbaglistquag, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tailbaglistquag, it will boil you in a big pot.

Tailbaglistquag's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Tailbaglistquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Do not prepare nuts while filled with pride.

3. Never gather six nematodes in one place.

4. Never carve symbols of stars into wood.

5. Always help mice.

Vigbestcun is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, dishonourable elephant.

Vigbestcun created the Cigar Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vigbestcun, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vigbestcun, she will turn you into a duck.

Vigbestcun's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Vigbestcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near sharks.

2. Always wear plain skirts during rituals.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not prepare oranges while filled with anger.

5. Never look at nebulae.