Zansatmig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, selfish duck.

Zansatmig created time and space seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zansatmig, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zansatmig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zansatmig's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Zansatmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never allow foxes to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Sigsagnab is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, generous butterfly.

Sigsagnab created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Sigsagnab, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sigsagnab, she will turn you into a frog.

Sigsagnab's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Sigsagnab's Holy Commandments

1. Never curse while facing west.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Never mark doors with blue.

4. Do not step barefoot upon violet earth.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Tinvilweg is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, resourceful guinea pig.

Tinvilweg created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tinvilweg, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tinvilweg, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tinvilweg's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Tinvilweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple shorts on sacred days.

2. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Tinvilweg in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Never remain prostrate at dawn.

Poptiklikdid Pigrawged is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unselfish donkey.

Poptiklikdid Pigrawged created a Higgs boson four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Poptiklikdid Pigrawged, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Poptiklikdid Pigrawged, he will come to you in dreams.

Poptiklikdid Pigrawged's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Poptiklikdid Pigrawged's Holy Commandments

1. Do not leap at mountains.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never sprint in autumn.

4. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

5. Always remove ear rings before touching platinum.

Davbissab is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, overgenerous wyrm.

Davbissab created the Sun nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Davbissab, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Davbissab, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Davbissab's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Davbissab's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain corsets during rituals.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

3. Never touch oil while tainted.

4. Hide from cyan monkeys for they are unholy.

5. Never eat melons on holy days.

Bopcinfaslatlog is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, loving crane.

Bopcinfaslatlog created a Higgs boson twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bopcinfaslatlog, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bopcinfaslatlog, it will laugh at you.

Bopcinfaslatlog's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Bopcinfaslatlog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about stars.

2. You must never eat garlic.

3. Do not hurt pigs.

4. Never talk about optics near gulls while wearing pink rings.

5. Do not prepare aubergines while filled with fear.

Dunstandan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, passionate grasshopper.

Dunstandan created oxygen three million years ago.

If you believe in Dunstandan, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Dunstandan, he will remove you from existence.

Dunstandan's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Dunstandan's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured bats.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Never gather six eagles in one place.

5. Never travel toward the east during summer.

Wapnibvenbat is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, self-assured crane.

Wapnibvenbat created gold six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wapnibvenbat, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Wapnibvenbat, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Wapnibvenbat's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Wapnibvenbat's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Wapnibvenbat.

2. Feed all hungry manatees.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

5. Never feed strawberries to cats while wearing indigo dresses.