Xintip is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, tiresome capybara.

Xintip created Africa two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xintip, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Xintip, he will jump up and down on your head.

Xintip's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Xintip's Holy Commandments

1. Never record secrets.

2. Never think about dark matter near frogs while wearing black coats and balancing three zinc spheres on your hands.

3. Do not prepare coconuts while wearing scarves.

4. Never stain your face with indigo.

5. Never write about asteroids.

Cundubrow Basstagbad is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, boastful butterfly.

Cundubrow Basstagbad created an atom two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cundubrow Basstagbad, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cundubrow Basstagbad, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Cundubrow Basstagbad's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Cundubrow Basstagbad's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain humility during holy days.

2. Heed all portents.

3. Always store turnips above ground.

4. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never speak aloud of signs.

Quatbastvid is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, capable cobra.

Quatbastvid created viruses two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatbastvid, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Quatbastvid, he will throw large rocks at you.

Quatbastvid's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Quatbastvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain scarves during rituals.

2. Do not hurt ducks.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Quatbastvid.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never pour water over plants.

Dagnakquagkimyarplog is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, passionate scorpion.

Dagnakquagkimyarplog created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Dagnakquagkimyarplog, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Dagnakquagkimyarplog, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Dagnakquagkimyarplog's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Dagnakquagkimyarplog's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum mechanics.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Hide from black turtles for they are unholy.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never hurt gulls.

Nigkinnab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, emotional lobster.

Nigkinnab created humanity three million years ago.

If you believe in Nigkinnab, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nigkinnab, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Nigkinnab's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Nigkinnab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near bats while wearing yellow kilts and balancing three platinum spheres on your chest.

2. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never wear tights.

5. Remain kneeling during prayer.

Hitgomkan is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, caring hedgehog.

Hitgomkan created an atom nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hitgomkan, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hitgomkan, it will have a low opinion of you.

Hitgomkan's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Hitgomkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle gold while unclean.

2. Always obey Hitgomkan's priests.

3. Retreat if three tapirs approach from the east.

4. Always help geese in need.

5. Never travel toward the west during summer.

Dadtadhud is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, self-confident raccoon.

Dadtadhud created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Dadtadhud, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dadtadhud, it will turn you into a hamster.

Dadtadhud's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Dadtadhud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never paint your feet gray.

3. Never eat figs on fasting days.

4. Never go into red rooms.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

Hadfarnbess is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, strong dragon.

Hadfarnbess created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hadfarnbess, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hadfarnbess, she will turn you into a mouse.

Hadfarnbess' most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Hadfarnbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always wash your chest before prayer.

3. Always help sick voles.

4. Do not take Hadfarnbess' name in vain.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.