Futcambat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unjust gnu.

Futcambat created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Futcambat, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Futcambat, he will throw large rocks at you.

Futcambat's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Futcambat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not wear shirts marked with mauve.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never speak of balance in the presence of children.

5. Never laugh near seals.

Capmabcap is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, prudent seal.

Capmabcap created an electron four years ago.

If you believe in Capmabcap, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Capmabcap, she will turn you into a mole.

Capmabcap's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Capmabcap's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Capmabcap's priests.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Never sit near hamsters.

4. Never allow badgers to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Never point your back toward the north during prayer.

Bitdampark is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, fast octopus.

Bitdampark created the Virgo Supercluster five million years ago.

If you believe in Bitdampark, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bitdampark, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Bitdampark's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Bitdampark's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never eat peas.

5. Respect your elders.

Tifflowfed is a god.

It takes the form of a large, awesome finch.

Tifflowfed created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifflowfed, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tifflowfed, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tifflowfed's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Tifflowfed's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Tifflowfed loves mites, so they must be honoured.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.

Renyarzen is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, charitable mongoose.

Renyarzen created carbon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Renyarzen, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Renyarzen, she will destroy your home solar system.

Renyarzen's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Renyarzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never handle carbon while unclean.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Do not speak of fluid mechanics near sacred fires.

5. Sheep are not to be trusted.

Capbogsis is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, clever capybara.

Capbogsis created the planet Venus three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Capbogsis, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Capbogsis, she will strike you with lightening.

Capbogsis' most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Capbogsis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never wear black tights.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never record numbers.

5. Do not speak about aubergines.

Wegnutbit is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, stupid dog.

Wegnutbit created light three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wegnutbit, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Wegnutbit, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Wegnutbit's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Wegnutbit's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss chromosomes in public assemblies.

2. Never record signs.

3. Never travel toward the west during spring.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

Belldottit Villopbaf is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, proud dugong.

Belldottit Villopbaf created the Sombrero Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Belldottit Villopbaf, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Belldottit Villopbaf, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Belldottit Villopbaf's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Belldottit Villopbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to seven before sleeping.

2. Heed all signs.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near whales while wearing black dresses and balancing three silicon spheres on your head.

4. Do not step barefoot upon pink earth.

5. Never pour water over plants.