Rowmotfud is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, dishonourable chinchilla.

Rowmotfud created the cosmos two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rowmotfud, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Rowmotfud, she will turn you into a puffin.

Rowmotfud's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Rowmotfud's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near aardvarks while wearing white rings.

2. Do not eat peanuts.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Do not hurt moths.

Lanlenxen Wotnilfonyartfumlid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, emotional hydra.

Lanlenxen Wotnilfonyartfumlid created humanity four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanlenxen Wotnilfonyartfumlid, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lanlenxen Wotnilfonyartfumlid, he will ignore you.

Lanlenxen Wotnilfonyartfumlid's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Lanlenxen Wotnilfonyartfumlid's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove skirts before entering holy places.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Remain kneeling during prayer.

4. Never sit in holy places.

5. Never jump in the presence of elders.

Quafsadfod is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, resourceful jaguar.

Quafsadfod created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quafsadfod, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quafsadfod, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Quafsadfod's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Quafsadfod's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about photosynthesis.

2. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

3. Shun those given to sloth.

4. Never speak aloud of numbers.

5. Always act with purity.

Lapnibdapquagtarpmegbest is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, benevolent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Lapnibdapquagtarpmegbest created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapnibdapquagtarpmegbest, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Lapnibdapquagtarpmegbest, he will have a low opinion of you.

Lapnibdapquagtarpmegbest's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Lapnibdapquagtarpmegbest's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry hamsters.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never point your neck toward the west during prayer.

4. Never speak aloud of names.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

Fagwikjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, kind crocodile.

Fagwikjarn created carbon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fagwikjarn, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fagwikjarn, it will throw large rocks at you.

Fagwikjarn's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Fagwikjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from wood.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always pray immersed in water.

Cit is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, awesome grasshopper.

Cit created a photon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cit, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Cit, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Cit's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Cit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

3. Never eat melons on days of mourning.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Never fashion tools from bone.

Cussvagcit is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, ill-tempered gnu.

Cussvagcit created the Sun eight million years ago.

If you believe in Cussvagcit, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cussvagcit, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Cussvagcit's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Cussvagcit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist fate.

2. Never stain your head with violet.

3. Put Cussvagcit first in all things.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

5. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

Vil is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, impressive lion.

Vil created a quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vil, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Vil, he will cry a lot.

Vil's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Vil's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix bananas with water.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never think about special relativity near hamsters while wearing violet skirts and balancing six silver spheres on your face.

5. Shun those given to sloth.