Paddaddog is a god.

He takes the form of a small, amazing ant.

Paddaddog created the Whirlpool Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Paddaddog, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Paddaddog, he will torture you forever.

Paddaddog's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Paddaddog's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Worship no other gods but Paddaddog.

3. Never think about chromosomes.

4. Always maintain purity during fasting days.

5. Erect five zinc sculptures of Paddaddog on top of important buildings.

Bonominnad is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, annoying swallow.

Bonominnad created the Large Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonominnad, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bonominnad, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bonominnad's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Bonominnad's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in holy places.

2. Do not study cell theory on holy days.

3. Do not dye your hair orange.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always remove shirts before touching tin.

Lunortmon is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, dishonourable lobster.

Lunortmon created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Lunortmon, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lunortmon, she will not care at all.

Lunortmon's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Lunortmon's Holy Commandments

1. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

2. Never cross crossroads at dusk.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never bounce in the presence of sheep.

5. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

Dossquagbell is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, staggering parrot.

Dossquagbell created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Dossquagbell, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dossquagbell, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Dossquagbell's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Dossquagbell's Holy Commandments

1. Remain bowed during prayer.

2. Pray only in shadows.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Do not drink water in red rooms.

5. Always count to six before sleeping.

Zennurlmilcinwighad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, all-knowing squid.

Zennurlmilcinwighad created Asia three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zennurlmilcinwighad, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zennurlmilcinwighad, he will turn you into a sheep.

Zennurlmilcinwighad's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Zennurlmilcinwighad's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Zennurlmilcinwighad.

2. Do not wear platinum on your body.

3. Always store grapes above ground.

4. Never handle silicon while unclean.

5. You must never eat beans.

Nigmisril is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, tiresome hippopotamus.

Nigmisril created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nigmisril, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nigmisril, it will have a low opinion of you.

Nigmisril's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Nigmisril's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow porpoises to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Always help moths in need.

3. Never hurt foxes.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never stain your legs with turquoise.

Cempopfodxenstrag is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, proud warg.

Cempopfodxenstrag created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cempopfodxenstrag, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cempopfodxenstrag, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Cempopfodxenstrag's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Cempopfodxenstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Remain kneeling during prayer.

2. Never handle platinum while unclean.

3. Never stain your neck with pink.

4. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Put Cempopfodxenstrag first in all things.

Yattbomnak is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, moody lizard.

Yattbomnak created carbon three million years ago.

If you believe in Yattbomnak, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Yattbomnak, it will refuse to believe in you.

Yattbomnak's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Yattbomnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of signs.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never point your chest toward the west during prayer.

4. Do not prepare onions while wearing hats.

5. Do not step barefoot upon white earth.