Hatquatbon is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, moody ant.

Hatquatbon created the world five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatquatbon, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hatquatbon, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Hatquatbon's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Hatquatbon's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hatquatbon.

2. Never think ill of sick voles.

3. Worship no other gods but Hatquatbon.

4. Never gather six goats in one place.

5. Do not step barefoot upon magenta earth.

Tigcidtof is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, unthoughtful raccoon.

Tigcidtof created a photon four million years ago.

If you believe in Tigcidtof, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tigcidtof, he will be very unhappy.

Tigcidtof's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Tigcidtof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce at crossroads.

2. Never mention voles.

3. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

4. Never look at moons.

5. Never speak aloud of names.

Bondusslat is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, cheerful parrot.

Bondusslat created Asia seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bondusslat, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bondusslat, it will have a low opinion of you.

Bondusslat's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Bondusslat's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

2. Do not study horizontal gene transfer on holy days.

3. Do not hurt dogs.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not name children after whales.

Dossrultun is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, resourceful giraffe.

Dossrultun created the planet Earth two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dossrultun, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Dossrultun, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Dossrultun's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Dossrultun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep seven swans in a large pit.

2. Dossrultun loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never mention horses.

Tarparplabbass is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, self-confident mongoose.

Tarparplabbass created dark matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarparplabbass, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tarparplabbass, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tarparplabbass' most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tarparplabbass' Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in shadows.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never handle gold while unclean.

4. Never remain bowed at midday.

5. Never feed cherries to shrews while wearing orange rings.

Badhakmetnarl is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, almighty hamster.

Badhakmetnarl created the Milkyway twelve years ago.

If you believe in Badhakmetnarl, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Badhakmetnarl, it will be very unhappy.

Badhakmetnarl's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Badhakmetnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.

2. Feed all hungry mice.

3. Always wear black.

4. Never wear yellow stockings on sacred days.

5. Never sit near dogs.

Getgofgub is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, unselfish gnu.

Getgofgub created the planet Mars eight million years ago.

If you believe in Getgofgub, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Getgofgub, it will send you a sign.

Getgofgub's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Getgofgub's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse water with water.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near foxes while wearing purple rings and balancing three zinc spheres on your neck.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Worship no other gods but Getgofgub.

Kenstafqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tiresome mole.

Kenstafqueeg created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kenstafqueeg, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kenstafqueeg, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kenstafqueeg's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Kenstafqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snails.

2. Run away from brown hamsters, for they are unholy.

3. Always wear plain shirts during rituals.

4. Never mix onions with oil.

5. Worship no other gods but Kenstafqueeg.