Likflighiv is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unthoughtful swan.

Likflighiv created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Likflighiv, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Likflighiv, it will try to impress you with trees.

Likflighiv's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Likflighiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross forests at dawn.

2. Do not resist chaos.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

5. Dolphins are unholy and should not be approached.

Lincetcar is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish seal.

Lincetcar created oxygen two years ago.

If you believe in Lincetcar, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Lincetcar, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Lincetcar's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Lincetcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with magenta.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Lincetcar loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

4. Never wear black hats on sacred days.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

Fagdaddiss is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, narcissistic bat.

Fagdaddiss created the Tadpole Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fagdaddiss, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fagdaddiss, he will not invite you to parties.

Fagdaddiss' most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Fagdaddiss' Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not eat cucumbers.

3. Always treat whales with great respect.

4. Retreat if three snakes approach from the east.

5. Never wear turquoise boots on sacred days.

Flaptofjig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, merciless snail.

Flaptofjig created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaptofjig, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Flaptofjig, it will not care.

Flaptofjig's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Flaptofjig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Flaptofjig in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always count to eight before sleeping.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Flaptofjig must be the most important thing in your life.

Dublidlog is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, capable yak.

Dublidlog created a Higgs boson four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dublidlog, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dublidlog, he will manifest in front of you.

Dublidlog's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Dublidlog's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never feed lots of spinach to porpoises while wearing blue shorts.

4. Always maintain purity during holy days.

5. Never mark doors with orange.

Safbogfon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, uncaring deer.

Safbogfon created a Higgs boson three million years ago.

If you believe in Safbogfon, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Safbogfon, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Safbogfon's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Safbogfon's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

2. Do not speak of dark energy near sacred fires.

3. Hide from yellow horses for they are unholy.

4. Do not dye your hair white.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Fumdonhom is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, weak deer.

Fumdonhom created the cosmos six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumdonhom, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Fumdonhom, it will boil you in a big pot.

Fumdonhom's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Fumdonhom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare tomatoes while filled with joy.

2. Never talk about geese.

3. Do not hurt manatees.

4. Always cleanse ash with water.

5. Always count to eight before sleeping.

Vegwapmutyog is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, uncaring rat.

Vegwapmutyog created time and space nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vegwapmutyog, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Vegwapmutyog, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Vegwapmutyog's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Vegwapmutyog's Holy Commandments

1. Always help nematodes.

2. Do not prepare carrots while wearing jumpers.

3. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

4. Never speak aloud of names.

5. Never pray while filled with fear.