Funsawdan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, prudent pig.

Funsawdan created the universe four years ago.

If you believe in Funsawdan, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Funsawdan, he will laugh at you.

Funsawdan's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Funsawdan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity.

2. Never pray while filled with anger.

3. Remain kneeling during prayer.

4. Never stain your hands with green.

5. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

Nurhaktaggeb is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, tiresome jellyfish.

Nurhaktaggeb created the world two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurhaktaggeb, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Nurhaktaggeb, she will turn you into a sheep.

Nurhaktaggeb's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Nurhaktaggeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never talk about grasshopers.

3. You must never eat garlic.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

5. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Nurhaktaggeb in the centre of the settlement.

Gumdithatkip is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, egotistical wasp.

Gumdithatkip created a Higgs boson three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumdithatkip, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gumdithatkip, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Gumdithatkip's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Gumdithatkip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record numbers concerning moons.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Retreat if seven turtles approach from the west.

5. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

Pongab is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, witless mouse.

Pongab created dark matter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pongab, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Pongab, it will turn you into a goat.

Pongab's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Pongab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Always share figs with strangers, but never with gulls.

3. Pongab loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

4. Always wear plain boots during rituals.

5. Do not resist chaos.

Binappcim is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, humane dugong.

Binappcim created matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Binappcim, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Binappcim, it will laugh at you.

Binappcim's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Binappcim's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Binappcim.

2. Never point your chest toward the west during prayer.

3. Never talk about chromosomes.

4. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

5. Never think about special relativity near snails while wearing orange corsets and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your legs.

Genmabzim is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, caring jaguar.

Genmabzim created the planet Saturn nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Genmabzim, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Genmabzim, it will turn you into a tree.

Genmabzim's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Genmabzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt monkeys.

2. Never leap in spring.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Genmabzim on top of all buildings.

4. Always help shrews in need.

5. Do not name children after otters.

Zimfemstig is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, grumpy dove.

Zimfemstig created the Black Eye Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zimfemstig, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Zimfemstig, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Zimfemstig's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Zimfemstig's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never mention mice.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Never chant in holy places.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

Fligkabflow is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, loving whale.

Fligkabflow created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Fligkabflow, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fligkabflow, it will be very sad.

Fligkabflow's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Fligkabflow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Do not speak of quantum gravity near sacred fires.

3. Never feed peanuts to whales while wearing kilts.

4. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

5. Always take life seriously.