Tifdagbun is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, blissful lobster.

Tifdagbun created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Tifdagbun, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tifdagbun, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Tifdagbun's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Tifdagbun's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in shadows.

2. Never write about nebulae.

3. Always help hamsters in need.

4. Never write about fluid mechanics.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

Nurlgatfon is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, all-knowing faun.

Nurlgatfon created the Andromeda Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlgatfon, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Nurlgatfon, she will turn you into a plant.

Nurlgatfon's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Nurlgatfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at dwarf planets.

2. Never touch ash while blessed.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

4. Pray only in moonlight.

5. Do not laugh at rivers.

Cebvonkarp is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, awe-inspiring dog.

Cebvonkarp created the Whirlpool Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Cebvonkarp, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cebvonkarp, it will torture you forever.

Cebvonkarp's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Cebvonkarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching gold.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Run away if eight squirrels approach from the east.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Do not commit murder.

Quattitweg is a god.

She takes the form of a small, caring dingo.

Quattitweg created the Sunflower Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quattitweg, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quattitweg, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quattitweg's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Quattitweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never cross crossroads at midday.

3. Never fashion tools from wood.

4. Never chant while facing east.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.

Yimflatcam is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, weak armadillo.

Yimflatcam created the Sol system nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yimflatcam, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yimflatcam, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Yimflatcam's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Yimflatcam's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Yimflatcam.

2. Do not dye your hair gray.

3. Feed all hungry pigs.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near manatees while wearing orange hats and balancing four platinum spheres on your hands.

Fasmumzag is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, cheerful eagle.

Fasmumzag created the solar system two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fasmumzag, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fasmumzag, she will turn you into a snail.

Fasmumzag's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Fasmumzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about photosynthesis.

2. Never record numbers.

3. Run away if three nematodes approach from the south.

4. Never think ill of sick doves.

5. Never pray while filled with joy.

Busloopfeb is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, duplicitous troll.

Busloopfeb created dark energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Busloopfeb, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Busloopfeb, it will turn you into a duck.

Busloopfeb's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Busloopfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

5. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

Mattamhak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, dishonest human.

Mattamhak created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mattamhak, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Mattamhak, he will turn you into a mole.

Mattamhak's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Mattamhak's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your hands with blue.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.

5. Never eat bark.