Lunsawben is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, caring troll.

Lunsawben created silver four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lunsawben, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lunsawben, it will jump up and down on your head.

Lunsawben's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Lunsawben's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch water while blessed.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

4. Never prepare rice during summer.

5. Retreat if nine pigs approach from the east.

Fonpadbess is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, narcissistic turtle.

Fonpadbess created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonpadbess, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fonpadbess, it will try to impress you with trees.

Fonpadbess' most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Fonpadbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always look after injured tortoises.

3. Do not hurt whales.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not record signs concerning black holes.

Fatget is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, irritating dryad.

Fatget created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fatget, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fatget, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Fatget's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Fatget's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Fatget on top of all buildings.

3. Do not hurt capybaras.

4. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.

5. Fatget must be the most important thing in your life.

Sigzogdim is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, happy crab.

Sigzogdim created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Sigzogdim, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Sigzogdim, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Sigzogdim's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Sigzogdim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt pigs.

2. Never allow bats to witness sacred rites.

3. Do not resist fate.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near tapirs while wearing green corsets and balancing three platinum spheres on your face.

5. Never pour water over plants.

Quaftunran is a god.

It takes the form of a small, intelligent chinchilla.

Quaftunran created the Black Eye Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quaftunran, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Quaftunran, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Quaftunran's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Quaftunran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Retreat if three badgers approach from the east.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quaftunran.

Xingigfar is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, overgenerous gorilla.

Xingigfar created a charm quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xingigfar, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Xingigfar, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Xingigfar's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Xingigfar's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near frogs while wearing blue hats and balancing three gold spheres on your hands.

2. Never feed figs to turtles while wearing dresses.

3. Do not hop at forests.

4. Always act with patience.

5. Do not drink alcohol.

Afgetbom is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, idiotic naga.

Afgetbom created water four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Afgetbom, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Afgetbom, she will turn you into a rock.

Afgetbom's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Afgetbom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of dark matter near sacred fires.

2. Do not keep three moths in a large pit.

3. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

4. Do not travel during autumn.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

Midfutjamnilzen is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, resourceful jackal.

Midfutjamnilzen created the Virgo Supercluster four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Midfutjamnilzen, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Midfutjamnilzen, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Midfutjamnilzen's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Midfutjamnilzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume rice at dawn.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about quantum mechanics near badgers while wearing violet kilts.

4. Do not resist balance.

5. Erect a giant fawn sculpture of Midfutjamnilzen in the centre of the settlement.