Nurlhigdub is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, sapient armadillo.

Nurlhigdub created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurlhigdub, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurlhigdub, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nurlhigdub's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Nurlhigdub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt turtles.

2. Do not eat bananas.

3. Run away if nine whales approach from the north.

4. Never write about dark energy.

5. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

Gabnulbad is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, self-confident beaver.

Gabnulbad created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gabnulbad, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gabnulbad, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Gabnulbad's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Gabnulbad's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Heed all portents.

3. Never prepare carrots during winter.

4. Never think about thermodynamics.

5. Always act with obedience when addressing priests.

Satbangom is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, tiresome shark.

Satbangom created a photon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Satbangom, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Satbangom, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Satbangom's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Satbangom's Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Never whisper while facing north.

3. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

4. Never allow birds to witness sacred rites.

5. Never gather five frogs near wells.

Jigzod is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, resourceful turtle.

Jigzod created life six million years ago.

If you believe in Jigzod, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Jigzod, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Jigzod's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Jigzod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Jigzod in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

Quimxucktarg is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, fussy zebra.

Quimxucktarg created everything that exists three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimxucktarg, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quimxucktarg, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Quimxucktarg's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Quimxucktarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands red.

2. You must pray to Quimxucktarg eight times a day.

3. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a room before entering it.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

Tittitjat is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, grumpy armadillo.

Tittitjat created the Large Magellanic Cloud two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tittitjat, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tittitjat, he will strike you with lightening.

Tittitjat's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Tittitjat's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into gray rooms.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

4. Do not step barefoot upon violet earth.

5. Never wear magenta scarves.

Jigdonlid Rangat is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, loving gerbil.

Jigdonlid Rangat created an electron eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jigdonlid Rangat, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jigdonlid Rangat, he will jump up and down on your head.

Jigdonlid Rangat's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Jigdonlid Rangat's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your face with yellow markings.

2. Never touch oil while clean.

3. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Jigdonlid Rangat in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always cleanse ash with water.

5. Never discuss photosynthesis in public assemblies.

Flan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, impressive wyrm.

Flan created time and space three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flan, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Flan, he will ignore you.

Flan's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Flan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

5. Run away if five foxes approach from the south.