Vagpangpit is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, moody dog.

Vagpangpit created a strange quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagpangpit, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vagpangpit, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Vagpangpit's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Vagpangpit's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain tights during rituals.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never feed bread to dogs while wearing trousers.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not kill shrews.

Tomraphen is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, almighty manatee.

Tomraphen created the Black Eye Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Tomraphen, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tomraphen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tomraphen's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Tomraphen's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

3. Never run near otters.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not gather at doors at dusk.

Zimyogtafbim is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, cheerful octopus.

Zimyogtafbim created silver three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimyogtafbim, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zimyogtafbim, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Zimyogtafbim's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Zimyogtafbim's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never think about asteroids.

3. Do not contemplate the weak nuclear force during the night.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Tomtofbon is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, charitable badger.

Tomtofbon created the Small Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomtofbon, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tomtofbon, he will send minions to preach to you.

Tomtofbon's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Tomtofbon's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Tomtofbon on top of all buildings.

2. Always help sick tortoises.

3. Never think about asteroids.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tomtofbon.

5. Never handle aluminium while unclean.

Febrapbiss is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, deceitful octopus.

Febrapbiss created the universe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Febrapbiss, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Febrapbiss, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Febrapbiss' most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Febrapbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not record signs concerning comets.

3. Never feed rice to sheep while wearing dresses.

4. Never speak at midnight.

5. Do not drink alcohol.

Stigvegcedtuntapwab Bonfomtenquam is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unsympathetic tapir.

Stigvegcedtuntapwab Bonfomtenquam created a down quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stigvegcedtuntapwab Bonfomtenquam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Stigvegcedtuntapwab Bonfomtenquam, it will be mildly annoyed.

Stigvegcedtuntapwab Bonfomtenquam's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Stigvegcedtuntapwab Bonfomtenquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from tin.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never eat oranges.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not speak of quantum gravity near sacred fires.

Wanomindap Dubtiggom Sawjaddit is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awe-inspiring alligator.

Wanomindap Dubtiggom Sawjaddit created humankind seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wanomindap Dubtiggom Sawjaddit, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Wanomindap Dubtiggom Sawjaddit, it will manifest in front of you.

Wanomindap Dubtiggom Sawjaddit's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Wanomindap Dubtiggom Sawjaddit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at bridges at dawn.

2. Never talk about optics near goats while wearing red hats and balancing six gold spheres on your face.

3. Run away from white geese, for they are unholy.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching iron.

5. Do not listen to music.

Fumtofgov is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omnipotent centipede.

Fumtofgov created the solar system three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumtofgov, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fumtofgov, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Fumtofgov's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Fumtofgov's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chant in public.

2. Never think about optics.

3. Never remain kneeling at midday.

4. Never bounce near monkeys.

5. Never look at planets.