Mifvancussterster is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unthinking horse.

Mifvancussterster created gold five million years ago.

If you believe in Mifvancussterster, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Mifvancussterster, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Mifvancussterster's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Mifvancussterster's Holy Commandments

1. Never whisper while facing south.

2. Do not study amino acids on holy days.

3. Never speak of order in the presence of children.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Mifvancussterster.

5. Hide if eight bats approach from the east.

Armhomsab is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, contented dingo.

Armhomsab created humanity four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Armhomsab, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Armhomsab, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Armhomsab's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Armhomsab's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never talk about grasshopers.

4. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

5. Do not hop at crossroads.

Quillbarnbid is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, slow snake.

Quillbarnbid created an up quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillbarnbid, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quillbarnbid, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Quillbarnbid's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Quillbarnbid's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in the presence of elders.

2. Never think about comets.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Do not keep four geese in a large pit.

5. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

Nanbumomin is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, uncaring crab.

Nanbumomin created the planet Jupiter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Nanbumomin, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Nanbumomin, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Nanbumomin's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Nanbumomin's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse oil with water.

2. Never touch water while blessed.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics near ducks while wearing orange hats and balancing seven platinum spheres on your arms.

Binfutten is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, irritating frog.

Binfutten created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Binfutten, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Binfutten, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Binfutten's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Binfutten's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick mice.

2. Never approach crossroads carrying clay.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

5. Do not jump in public.

Bunriljab is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, awe-inspiring cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bunriljab created silver three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bunriljab, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Bunriljab, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bunriljab's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Bunriljab's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never cross forests at dusk.

3. Never touch oil while unclean.

4. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Bunriljab in the centre of the settlement.

5. Bunriljab loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

Bommetgom is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, pitiless bear.

Bommetgom created the cosmos six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bommetgom, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bommetgom, she will be very sad.

Bommetgom's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Bommetgom's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain shoes during rituals.

2. Remain prostrate during prayer.

3. Always share grapes with strangers, but never with dogs.

4. Never cross rivers at dawn.

5. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

Mansiszim is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, emotional penguin.

Mansiszim created the Sunflower Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mansiszim, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Mansiszim, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Mansiszim's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Mansiszim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near doves while wearing blue shorts.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Never point your hands toward the north during prayer.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.