Tarpsagarfzen is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, unfair mongoose.

Tarpsagarfzen created dark matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpsagarfzen, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarpsagarfzen, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tarpsagarfzen's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Tarpsagarfzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with joy.

2. Remain kneeling during prayer.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

5. Do not fashion tools from silicon.

Poddamzen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, overgenerous capybara.

Poddamzen created life twelve years ago.

If you believe in Poddamzen, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Poddamzen, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Poddamzen's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Poddamzen's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Poddamzen.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not dye your hair red.

4. Never eat bread on holy days.

5. Never think about optics.

Fatsanhen is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, narcissistic hare.

Fatsanhen created the Tadpole Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fatsanhen, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fatsanhen, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Fatsanhen's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Fatsanhen's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at dwarf planets.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Run away from black goats, for they are unholy.

4. Fatsanhen must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never travel toward the east during summer.

Kikhogpit Hasrapwadnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a small, unjust crow.

Kikhogpit Hasrapwadnurl created energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikhogpit Hasrapwadnurl, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kikhogpit Hasrapwadnurl, he will not invite you to parties.

Kikhogpit Hasrapwadnurl's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Kikhogpit Hasrapwadnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of elders.

2. Never feed lots of peanuts to goats while wearing blue shoes.

3. Never think about special relativity near cats while wearing indigo skirts and balancing seven carbon spheres on your feet.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

Tipgutfly is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, idiotic aardvark.

Tipgutfly created Africa two million years ago.

If you believe in Tipgutfly, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tipgutfly, she will cry a lot.

Tipgutfly's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tipgutfly's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never allow turtles to witness sacred rites.

3. Do not eat oranges.

4. Never record secrets.

5. Never sit in winter.

Bissnibjap is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, omnipotent armadillo.

Bissnibjap created vertebrates three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bissnibjap, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bissnibjap, it will try to impress you with trees.

Bissnibjap's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Bissnibjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare wheat during winter.

2. Never wear dresses.

3. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never gather nine rats in one place.

Kopfligpon is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, sage newt.

Kopfligpon created oxygen six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopfligpon, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Kopfligpon, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Kopfligpon's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Kopfligpon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump at rivers.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never speak the names of comets aloud.

4. Never speak of order in the presence of elders.

5. Never wear magenta ear rings.

Yarlkinsab is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, almighty crocodile.

Yarlkinsab created a top quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlkinsab, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Yarlkinsab, she will boil you in a big pot.

Yarlkinsab's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Yarlkinsab's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather five seals near towers.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Yarlkinsab in the centre of the settlement.

4. Erect eight lead sculptures of Yarlkinsab on top of important buildings.

5. You must pray to Yarlkinsab three times a day.