Sadbass is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, temperamental spider.

Sadbass created the Cigar Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sadbass, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sadbass, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Sadbass' most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Sadbass' Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three badgers approach from the north.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Sadbass.

3. Do not sit at rivers.

4. Always wear white.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

Nurkarflagmegfod is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, proud dog.

Nurkarflagmegfod created a quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Nurkarflagmegfod, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nurkarflagmegfod, it will cry a lot.

Nurkarflagmegfod's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Nurkarflagmegfod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nurkarflagmegfod.

4. Do not resist chaos.

5. Do not sing at forests.

Bastsawcip is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, generous lobster.

Bastsawcip created the solar system eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastsawcip, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bastsawcip, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bastsawcip's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bastsawcip's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always obey Bastsawcip's priests.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Bastsawcip loves mites, so they must be honoured.

Pinjapgem is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, proud ferret.

Pinjapgem created the Whirlpool Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pinjapgem, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Pinjapgem, he will destroy your home planet.

Pinjapgem's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Pinjapgem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

3. Never wear mauve shirts on sacred days.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never handle nickel while unclean.

Fommabpit is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, passionate snake.

Fommabpit created snails eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fommabpit, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Fommabpit, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fommabpit's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Fommabpit's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse water with water.

2. Do not keep three goats in a large pit.

3. Feed all hungry bats.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not make images of living things.

Flamgubdub is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, grumpy meerkat.

Flamgubdub created everything that exists three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flamgubdub, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Flamgubdub, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flamgubdub's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Flamgubdub's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Flamgubdub.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

5. Never feed bread to birds while wearing fawn shoes.

Fossbedpid Vonbiffad is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, vain dragonfly.

Fossbedpid Vonbiffad created the planet Mars six million years ago.

If you believe in Fossbedpid Vonbiffad, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fossbedpid Vonbiffad, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fossbedpid Vonbiffad's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Fossbedpid Vonbiffad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Never eat bread.

5. Do not make images of living things.

Miportbim is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, loving dragonfly.

Miportbim created life five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Miportbim, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Miportbim, she will ignore you.

Miportbim's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Miportbim's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six voles approach from the east.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never write about nucleic acids.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not shave your head.