Yikdumgeb is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, selfish wombat.

Yikdumgeb created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yikdumgeb, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yikdumgeb, he will turn you into a duck.

Yikdumgeb's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Yikdumgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about galaxies.

2. Do not name children after ducks.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not hurt grasshopers.

5. Never adorn your arms with turquoise markings.

Stafgednel is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, staggering whale.

Stafgednel created the Virgo Supercluster seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stafgednel, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Stafgednel, he will make you grow a tail.

Stafgednel's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Stafgednel's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in firelight.

2. Never proclaim while facing east.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Dissvendib is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, self-assured lobster.

Dissvendib created a quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Dissvendib, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dissvendib, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Dissvendib's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Dissvendib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near cats while wearing fawn coats and balancing nine lead spheres on your legs.

3. Do not shave your head.

4. Always wear yellow.

5. Never wear shirts.

Rillbitxuck is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, intelligent wombat.

Rillbitxuck created silver six billion years ago.

If you believe in Rillbitxuck, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Rillbitxuck, he will laugh at you.

Rillbitxuck's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Rillbitxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never handle iron while unclean.

4. Never laugh in winter.

5. Never fashion tools from bone.

Bagwiphub Tapkabgon is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, prudent guinea pig.

Bagwiphub Tapkabgon created the Sol system five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagwiphub Tapkabgon, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bagwiphub Tapkabgon, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bagwiphub Tapkabgon's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Bagwiphub Tapkabgon's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always obey Bagwiphub Tapkabgon's priests.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

Podsugmin is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, egotistical snake.

Podsugmin created the planet Jupiter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Podsugmin, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Podsugmin, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Podsugmin's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Podsugmin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six dolphins approach from the west.

2. Always make sure there are no moths in a room before entering it.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Erect eight iron sculptures of Podsugmin on top of important buildings.

Kaphogxemrak is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, smart toad.

Kaphogxemrak created water five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kaphogxemrak, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kaphogxemrak, it will not invite you to parties.

Kaphogxemrak's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Kaphogxemrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch oil while tainted.

2. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Kaphogxemrak in the centre of the settlement.

3. Run away if three dogs approach from the west.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never discuss cell theory in public assemblies.

Nutcemstrag is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, narcissistic spider.

Nutcemstrag created Mount Everest five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nutcemstrag, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Nutcemstrag, it will turn you into a rat.

Nutcemstrag's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Nutcemstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nutcemstrag.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not take Nutcemstrag's name in vain.

5. Never talk about birds.