Nillmumpon is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, fussy cow.

Nillmumpon created Europe three million years ago.

If you believe in Nillmumpon, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Nillmumpon, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nillmumpon's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Nillmumpon's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Always wear plain coats during rituals.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

4. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

5. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

Yarlgupwod is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, awe-inspiring cat.

Yarlgupwod created parasitic wasps two million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlgupwod, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yarlgupwod, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Yarlgupwod's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Yarlgupwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to dogs while wearing violet shoes.

2. Never feed lentils to pigs while wearing corsets.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching lead.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not shave your feet.

Hamtomten is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, able troll.

Hamtomten created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hamtomten, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hamtomten, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Hamtomten's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Hamtomten's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near grasshopers while wearing yellow hats and balancing nine lead spheres on your chest.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.

Xemcutvogrowiplatwot is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, proud monkey.

Xemcutvogrowiplatwot created the solar system five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemcutvogrowiplatwot, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Xemcutvogrowiplatwot, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Xemcutvogrowiplatwot's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Xemcutvogrowiplatwot's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.

2. Never feed lots of spinach to goats while wearing fawn kilts.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Xemcutvogrowiplatwot must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always wash your back before prayer.

Botstiggod is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, all-powerful narwhal.

Botstiggod created the Milkyway seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Botstiggod, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Botstiggod, she will destroy your home solar system.

Botstiggod's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Botstiggod's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always act with purity when addressing children.

3. Always remove kilts before entering holy places.

4. Never paint your head pink.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Dissjopnig is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, duplicitous centaur.

Dissjopnig created a strange quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Dissjopnig, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Dissjopnig, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Dissjopnig's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Dissjopnig's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Dissjopnig seven times a day.

2. Do not wear indigo clothing.

3. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

4. Do not hop in public.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Bagdissfas is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, awesome cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bagdissfas created parasitic wasps two years ago.

If you believe in Bagdissfas, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bagdissfas, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bagdissfas' most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Bagdissfas' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never bounce in summer.

5. Never point your back toward the west during prayer.

Gigvenpigfet is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, competent elephant.

Gigvenpigfet created Mount Everest seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gigvenpigfet, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gigvenpigfet, he will turn you into a plant.

Gigvenpigfet's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Gigvenpigfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch water while blessed.

2. Always remove stockings before touching tin.

3. Always wash your legs before prayer.

4. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.