Fondotcid is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, wise chicken.

Fondotcid created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fondotcid, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fondotcid, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Fondotcid's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Fondotcid's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the west during spring.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Never speak of fate in the presence of strangers.

4. You must love Fondotcid.

5. Do not step barefoot upon cyan earth.

Milmidrut is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, unthoughtful shark.

Milmidrut created a bottom quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Milmidrut, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Milmidrut, he will turn you into a worm.

Milmidrut's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Milmidrut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moons.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Milmidrut.

3. Always act with humility.

4. Never eat bananas.

5. Always stare at clouds.

Cisstombig is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, calm coyote.

Cisstombig created the Milkyway nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Cisstombig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cisstombig, she will not care.

Cisstombig's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Cisstombig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five capybaras approach from the east.

2. Always help ducks.

3. Do not wear indigo clothing.

4. Never leap in spring.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.

Cimbapfed is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, amazing mole.

Cimbapfed created the Small Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cimbapfed, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cimbapfed, he will destroy your home planet.

Cimbapfed's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Cimbapfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.

2. Erect four nickel sculptures of Cimbapfed on top of important buildings.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cimbapfed.

4. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

5. Never gather nine nematodes near wells.

Xinxenfad is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, grumpy ferret.

Xinxenfad created life four million years ago.

If you believe in Xinxenfad, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Xinxenfad, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Xinxenfad's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Xinxenfad's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix tomatoes with ash.

2. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

3. Do not leap at mountains.

4. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

5. Feed all hungry mites.

Kinjampag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, moody porpoise.

Kinjampag created an up quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kinjampag, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kinjampag, he will torture you forever.

Kinjampag's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Kinjampag's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Kinjampag.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never allow monkeys to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kinjampag.

5. Never sit near dogs.

Jabzakveen is a god.

She takes the form of a small, annoying cow.

Jabzakveen created the universe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jabzakveen, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jabzakveen, she will refuse to believe in you.

Jabzakveen's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Jabzakveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix garlic with blood.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Do not hurt nematodes.

4. Never paint your arms magenta.

5. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

Vonwanlat is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, awesome hare.

Vonwanlat created the world seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonwanlat, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Vonwanlat, he will turn you into a rat.

Vonwanlat's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Vonwanlat's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven porpoises approach from the east.

2. Never speak aloud of names.

3. Never fashion tools from ash.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not listen to music.