Bessnurltar is a god.

He takes the form of a large, smart goblin.

Bessnurltar created the Sol system two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessnurltar, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bessnurltar, he will have a low opinion of you.

Bessnurltar's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Bessnurltar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from zinc.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

5. Do not prepare melons while wearing ear rings.

Ladmabflanvag is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, contented walrus.

Ladmabflanvag created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Ladmabflanvag, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Ladmabflanvag, it will curse you with boils.

Ladmabflanvag's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Ladmabflanvag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help capybaras.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never approach forests carrying bone.

Jenlogmot is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, unselfish cat.

Jenlogmot created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Jenlogmot, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Jenlogmot, it will torture you forever.

Jenlogmot's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Jenlogmot's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of signs.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always wash your neck before prayer.

4. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

5. Never prepare melons during autumn.

Jigkonxenrap is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, overgenerous scorpion.

Jigkonxenrap created matter four years ago.

If you believe in Jigkonxenrap, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jigkonxenrap, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Jigkonxenrap's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Jigkonxenrap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not contemplate ultrasonics during the night.

4. Never feed bread to moths while wearing violet hats.

5. Never touch blood while blessed.

Kikbosslak is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, selfish tapir.

Kikbosslak created humankind nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kikbosslak, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kikbosslak, he will make you grow a tail.

Kikbosslak's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Kikbosslak's Holy Commandments

1. Kikbosslak loves hamsters, so they must be respected.

2. Never paint your chest blue.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate shrews.

4. Retreat if five snakes approach from the north.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

Xuckwanbid is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, two-faced pigeon.

Xuckwanbid created time and space two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckwanbid, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Xuckwanbid, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Xuckwanbid's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Xuckwanbid's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to sloth.

2. Always obey Xuckwanbid's priests.

3. Never speak aloud of signs.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

Hinfasyat is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, cheerful hamster.

Hinfasyat created humanity six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hinfasyat, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hinfasyat, he will destroy your home planet.

Hinfasyat's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Hinfasyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather eight badgers near bridges.

2. Do not kill sharks.

3. Do not keep six monkeys in a large pit.

4. Never speak aloud of secrets.

5. Never gather five manatees in one place.

Vedstiplid is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, weak dryad.

Vedstiplid created the planet Earth six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vedstiplid, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vedstiplid, he will ignore you.

Vedstiplid's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Vedstiplid's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove shorts before touching nickel.

2. Do not travel during summer.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not name children after bats.

5. Always store spinach above ground.