Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, emotional mongoose.

Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab created the solar system two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Latbafkopzig Vilzanflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about solid mechanics near turtles while wearing pink coats and balancing five copper spheres on your back.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Hide from indigo rats for they are unholy.

4. Never fashion tools from stone.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Volsad is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, unjust wyrm.

Volsad created everything that exists six billion years ago.

If you believe in Volsad, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Volsad, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Volsad's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Volsad's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt sheep.

2. Do not dye your hair magenta.

3. Hide if nine capybaras approach from the west.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never think ill of sick snakes.

Wiportnuttxuck is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, able dryad.

Wiportnuttxuck created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Wiportnuttxuck, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Wiportnuttxuck, she will turn you into a tree.

Wiportnuttxuck's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Wiportnuttxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Never gather six sharks near walls.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never look at asteroids.

Kamfotxen is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering finch.

Kamfotxen created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamfotxen, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kamfotxen, he will ignore you.

Kamfotxen's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Kamfotxen's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in the presence of elders.

2. Never think about asteroids.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching zinc.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never stain your neck with purple.

Kimbemnart Tofhugflab is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, temperamental parrot.

Kimbemnart Tofhugflab created energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kimbemnart Tofhugflab, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kimbemnart Tofhugflab, she will throw large rocks at you.

Kimbemnart Tofhugflab's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Kimbemnart Tofhugflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather four turtles near walls.

2. Kimbemnart Tofhugflab loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not eat rice.

5. Erect a giant black sculpture of Kimbemnart Tofhugflab in the centre of the settlement.

Yarpditlam is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, tranquil grasshopper.

Yarpditlam created the planet Venus eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpditlam, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yarpditlam, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Yarpditlam's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Yarpditlam's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always treat sheep with great respect.

3. Never wear tights.

4. Do not place bananas upon stone.

5. Never cross mountains at dusk.

Yoknilbotsin is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, almighty walrus.

Yoknilbotsin created the cosmos eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yoknilbotsin, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yoknilbotsin, it will think nothing of it.

Yoknilbotsin's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Yoknilbotsin's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry dogs.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always maintain purity during fasting days.

4. You must never eat apples.

5. Do not resist chaos.

Tomdisskarjin is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, stupid dugong.

Tomdisskarjin created matter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tomdisskarjin, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tomdisskarjin, she will turn you into a mouse.

Tomdisskarjin's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tomdisskarjin's Holy Commandments

1. Always share peas with strangers, but never with squirrels.

2. Always look after injured moths.

3. Do not wear shirts marked with pink.

4. Always wear plain hats during rituals.

5. Never tolerate songs in holy places.