Hapfatpang is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, benevolent monkey.

Hapfatpang created the planet Mars three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapfatpang, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hapfatpang, she will ignore you.

Hapfatpang's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Hapfatpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near eagles while wearing brown rings and balancing six silicon spheres on your legs.

2. Do not wear orange clothing.

3. Never write about comets.

4. You must pray to Hapfatpang three times a day.

5. Always stare at clouds.

Gidquartkad is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, quiet cobra.

Gidquartkad created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gidquartkad, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gidquartkad, she will have a low opinion of you.

Gidquartkad's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Gidquartkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

3. Worship no other gods but Gidquartkad.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not wear nickel on your body.

Budtarglib is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, unsympathetic skunk.

Budtarglib created the Sunflower Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Budtarglib, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Budtarglib, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Budtarglib's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Budtarglib's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Budtarglib nine times a day.

2. Never go into orange rooms.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never think about dark matter.

Moncisszan is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, bad-tempered elephant.

Moncisszan created a Higgs boson three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Moncisszan, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Moncisszan, he will make you grow a tail.

Moncisszan's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Moncisszan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear blue ear rings.

2. Never talk about voles.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Nartlikquam is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, humorless centipede.

Nartlikquam created the Black Eye Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nartlikquam, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Nartlikquam, he will not invite you to parties.

Nartlikquam's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Nartlikquam's Holy Commandments

1. Nartlikquam must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always help whales in need.

5. Always help dogs.

Cemcubjam is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, loving dog.

Cemcubjam created the planet Mars five million years ago.

If you believe in Cemcubjam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cemcubjam, she will send minions to preach to you.

Cemcubjam's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Cemcubjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill grasshopers.

2. Never paint your legs pink.

3. Never talk about dark energy near turtles while wearing mauve dresses.

4. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

Ragcepwad is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, amazing mink.

Ragcepwad created Mount Everest nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ragcepwad, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ragcepwad, she will turn you into a rock.

Ragcepwad's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Ragcepwad's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Ragcepwad in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never paint your legs magenta.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never eat spinach.

Flabsadcib is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, weak parrot.

Flabsadcib created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Flabsadcib, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Flabsadcib, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Flabsadcib's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Flabsadcib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flabsadcib.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.