Flabfiglad is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unjust gnu.

Flabfiglad created an electron six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabfiglad, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flabfiglad, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Flabfiglad's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Flabfiglad's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to cruelty.

2. Never stain your legs with red.

3. Never gather five capybaras near walls.

4. Do not contemplate dark energy during the night.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

Cutfadwik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, benevolent crow.

Cutfadwik created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cutfadwik, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cutfadwik, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cutfadwik's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Cutfadwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not gather at doors at midnight.

5. Never think about comets.

Flatarfcem is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, bad-tempered seal.

Flatarfcem created everything that exists two billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatarfcem, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flatarfcem, it will throw large rocks at you.

Flatarfcem's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Flatarfcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near aardvarks while wearing violet tights.

2. Never speak at midnight.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics near eagles while wearing cyan skirts and balancing six aluminium spheres on your feet.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.

Cenfedtan is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, pitiless turtle.

Cenfedtan created oxygen six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cenfedtan, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Cenfedtan, he will turn you into a snail.

Cenfedtan's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Cenfedtan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

2. Always act with purity.

3. Never talk about special relativity near swans while wearing white scarves.

4. Pray only in moonlight.

5. Always look after injured aardvarks.

Bastbenbug is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, dishonourable eagle.

Bastbenbug created the Sombrero Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastbenbug, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bastbenbug, it will turn you into a rat.

Bastbenbug's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Bastbenbug's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

2. Always cleanse ash with water.

3. Never feed bread to mice while wearing stockings.

4. Do not speak about corn.

5. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

Labloggid is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, almighty crab.

Labloggid created the cosmos two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Labloggid, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Labloggid, he will torture you forever.

Labloggid's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Labloggid's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not kill frogs.

3. Never point your neck toward the north during prayer.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

Lakbabdob is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, cheerful porpoise.

Lakbabdob created bats seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakbabdob, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lakbabdob, she will laugh at you.

Lakbabdob's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Lakbabdob's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear skirts.

2. You must love Lakbabdob.

3. Always treat foxes with great respect.

4. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

5. Do not consume carrots at dawn.

Quagaffudxingen Hubyokhap is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, happy dryad.

Quagaffudxingen Hubyokhap created the Andromeda Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagaffudxingen Hubyokhap, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quagaffudxingen Hubyokhap, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quagaffudxingen Hubyokhap's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Quagaffudxingen Hubyokhap's Holy Commandments

1. Quagaffudxingen Hubyokhap loves squirrels, so they must be respected.

2. Never remain bowed at dawn.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always take life seriously.