Gabfasrig is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, weak hummingbird.

Gabfasrig created the Small Magellanic Cloud two million years ago.

If you believe in Gabfasrig, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gabfasrig, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Gabfasrig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Gabfasrig's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat apples.

2. Always help capybaras in need.

3. Never bounce near badgers.

4. Never talk about chromosomes.

5. Always remove trousers before entering holy places.

Bonkkinfagjabtifbessfabbot Beppasbim is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, deceitful pigeon.

Bonkkinfagjabtifbessfabbot Beppasbim created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkkinfagjabtifbessfabbot Beppasbim, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bonkkinfagjabtifbessfabbot Beppasbim, she will strike you with lightening.

Bonkkinfagjabtifbessfabbot Beppasbim's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Bonkkinfagjabtifbessfabbot Beppasbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near geese while wearing purple shorts and balancing five titanium spheres on your face.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Run away if seven bats approach from the north.

5. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

Kimtafveg is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, omniscient ant.

Kimtafveg created the planet Saturn four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimtafveg, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kimtafveg, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Kimtafveg's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Kimtafveg's Holy Commandments

1. Kimtafveg loves turtles, so they must be respected.

2. Heed all signs.

3. Never handle nickel while unclean.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not name children after tortoises.

Camsawveen Vigfatontmab is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unsympathetic guinea pig.

Camsawveen Vigfatontmab created Mount Everest seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Camsawveen Vigfatontmab, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Camsawveen Vigfatontmab, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Camsawveen Vigfatontmab's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Camsawveen Vigfatontmab's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in shadows.

2. You must love Camsawveen Vigfatontmab.

3. Always help whales.

4. Never fashion tools from ash.

5. Camsawveen Vigfatontmab must be the most important thing in your life.

Nartstafbarn is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, egotistical jellyfish.

Nartstafbarn created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartstafbarn, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nartstafbarn, it will send you a sign.

Nartstafbarn's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Nartstafbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not prepare tomatoes while filled with envy.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never bounce in autumn.

Haksogyim is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, smart cat.

Haksogyim created dark matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haksogyim, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Haksogyim, it will throw large rocks at you.

Haksogyim's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Haksogyim's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Always count to seven before sleeping.

5. Always store aubergines above ground.

Futfodlun is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, calm mole.

Futfodlun created a quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futfodlun, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Futfodlun, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Futfodlun's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Futfodlun's Holy Commandments

1. Always share coconuts with strangers, but never with birds.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near snails while wearing cyan shorts and balancing nine iron spheres on your feet.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Snakes are not to be trusted.

Flownegfid is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, fast goat.

Flownegfid created the planet Jupiter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flownegfid, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Flownegfid, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Flownegfid's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Flownegfid's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse water with water.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Feed all hungry tortoises.

4. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Flownegfid in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never gather nine capybaras near towers.