Zog is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, boastful human.

Zog created carbon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zog, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zog, it will turn you into a rock.

Zog's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Zog's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak the names of nebulae aloud.

2. Do not kill doves.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Zog in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never pray while filled with pride.

Tunmobsid Jonquamfon Fumbomcar is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, irritating penguin.

Tunmobsid Jonquamfon Fumbomcar created gold two million years ago.

If you believe in Tunmobsid Jonquamfon Fumbomcar, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tunmobsid Jonquamfon Fumbomcar, she will make you grow a tail.

Tunmobsid Jonquamfon Fumbomcar's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Tunmobsid Jonquamfon Fumbomcar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist order.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never sprint in holy places.

5. Heed all signs.

Kimquamwan is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, moody dove.

Kimquamwan created the planet Mars four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimquamwan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kimquamwan, he will turn you into a dog.

Kimquamwan's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Kimquamwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always cleanse oil with water.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never eat bark.

Sattinpom is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, boastful narwhal.

Sattinpom created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sattinpom, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Sattinpom, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Sattinpom's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Sattinpom's Holy Commandments

1. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Run away if four moths approach from the north.

4. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

Cip is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, tranquil naga.

Cip created the solar system eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cip, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cip, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Cip's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Cip's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing priests.

2. Never curse while facing north.

3. Always help sick moths.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Cip in the centre of the settlement.

Veeningboss Taltailgon is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, narcissistic shark.

Veeningboss Taltailgon created the Milkyway five billion years ago.

If you believe in Veeningboss Taltailgon, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Veeningboss Taltailgon, she will throw large rocks at you.

Veeningboss Taltailgon's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Veeningboss Taltailgon's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all signs.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

4. Never think about dark matter near snails while wearing magenta stockings and balancing four copper spheres on your arms.

5. Always stare at clouds.

Ortvolflig is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, deceitful chicken.

Ortvolflig created a Higgs boson seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortvolflig, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Ortvolflig, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Ortvolflig's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Ortvolflig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not travel during winter.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near nematodes while wearing green kilts and balancing nine lead spheres on your hands.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ortvolflig.

Bestcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unthoughtful slug.

Bestcuss created humanity three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestcuss, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bestcuss, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Bestcuss' most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Bestcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare beans while wearing stockings.

2. Never bounce in autumn.

3. Never talk about stars.

4. Never cross forests at midnight.

5. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Bestcuss in the centre of the settlement.