Hapmobjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, smart weasel.

Hapmobjarn created the Sol system seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapmobjarn, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hapmobjarn, it will not invite you to parties.

Hapmobjarn's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Hapmobjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear gray tights.

2. Do not wear boots marked with brown.

3. Never allow goats to witness sacred rites.

4. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

5. Do not commit murder.

Fobflankom is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, omniscient fairy.

Fobflankom created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fobflankom, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fobflankom, it will turn you into a mole.

Fobflankom's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Fobflankom's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

4. Do not wear jumpers marked with indigo.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

Safsug is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, self-assured gorilla.

Safsug created dark matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Safsug, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Safsug, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Safsug's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Safsug's Holy Commandments

1. Always store carrots above ground.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never speak aloud of signs.

4. Never look at nebulae.

5. Always share cucumbers with strangers, but never with pigs.

Belldograncam is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, conceited mink.

Belldograncam created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Belldograncam, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Belldograncam, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Belldograncam's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Belldograncam's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Never fashion tools from bone.

3. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.

Dibbudhun is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, fussy eagle.

Dibbudhun created an electron two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dibbudhun, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dibbudhun, it will destroy your home planet.

Dibbudhun's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Dibbudhun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near manatees while wearing pink shirts.

2. Remain standing during prayer.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Venyarprow is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, pitiless crab.

Venyarprow created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Venyarprow, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Venyarprow, she will turn you into a worm.

Venyarprow's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Venyarprow's Holy Commandments

1. Venyarprow loves hamsters, so they must be respected.

2. Do not eat lentils.

3. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

4. Do not keep eight sheep in a large pit.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Pogarmjen is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, loving mouse.

Pogarmjen created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pogarmjen, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Pogarmjen, it will come to you in dreams.

Pogarmjen's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Pogarmjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Pray only in shadows.

3. Always maintain purity during days of mourning.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Never remain standing at dusk.

Yamhubquill is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, grumpy armadillo.

Yamhubquill created Asia seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yamhubquill, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Yamhubquill, he will be very unhappy.

Yamhubquill's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Yamhubquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear kilts marked with black.

2. Never eat lentils.

3. Never talk about gravity near capybaras while wearing gray coats.

4. Never adorn your chest with violet markings.

5. Do not prepare apples while wearing ear rings.