Gessrullfab is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, benevolent crane.

Gessrullfab created the Large Magellanic Cloud three million years ago.

If you believe in Gessrullfab, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gessrullfab, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Gessrullfab's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Gessrullfab's Holy Commandments

1. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never hurt badgers.

3. Do not hurt aardvarks.

4. Put Gessrullfab first in all things.

5. Do not speak about aubergines.

Gigkabham Nillfemmig Liggepfed is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, unthoughtful deer.

Gigkabham Nillfemmig Liggepfed created the Sombrero Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Gigkabham Nillfemmig Liggepfed, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gigkabham Nillfemmig Liggepfed, it will think nothing of it.

Gigkabham Nillfemmig Liggepfed's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Gigkabham Nillfemmig Liggepfed's Holy Commandments

1. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not prepare corn while filled with fear.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gigkabham Nillfemmig Liggepfed.

5. Never play with disobedient children.

Quartsoglak is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, bad-tempered badger.

Quartsoglak created the Milkyway nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartsoglak, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Quartsoglak, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quartsoglak's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Quartsoglak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

2. Always remove trousers before touching platinum.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Shun those given to greed.

Weenulsog is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, caring zebra.

Weenulsog created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Weenulsog, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Weenulsog, he will not care at all.

Weenulsog's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Weenulsog's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five shrews approach from the west.

2. Never discuss eukaryotes in public assemblies.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never stain your back with fawn.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching copper.

Ranfidapp is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, fast narwhal.

Ranfidapp created the planet Saturn eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ranfidapp, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ranfidapp, she will jump up and down on your head.

Ranfidapp's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Ranfidapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle platinum while unclean.

2. Never chant while facing west.

3. Do not drink water in green rooms.

4. Never hurt seals.

5. Do not listen to music.

Hunbotpid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, two-faced beaver.

Hunbotpid created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hunbotpid, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hunbotpid, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Hunbotpid's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Hunbotpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather eight geese in one place.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never fashion tools from stone.

4. Shun those given to greed.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

Cipgempigtafquafkinmif is a god.

It takes the form of a small, cheerful fox.

Cipgempigtafquafkinmif created humankind six million years ago.

If you believe in Cipgempigtafquafkinmif, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cipgempigtafquafkinmif, it will destroy your home solar system.

Cipgempigtafquafkinmif's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Cipgempigtafquafkinmif's Holy Commandments

1. Always help porpoises.

2. Never approach rivers carrying clay.

3. Hide if three tapirs approach from the south.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never paint your back red.

Gofdunvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, staggering cat.

Gofdunvonk created the Cigar Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofdunvonk, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gofdunvonk, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gofdunvonk's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Gofdunvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Never talk about dark energy near pigs while wearing yellow kilts and balancing five lead spheres on your chest.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

5. Never hurt doves.