Cisspaslam is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, weak hummingbird.

Cisspaslam created a strange quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cisspaslam, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cisspaslam, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cisspaslam's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Cisspaslam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair violet.

2. Cisspaslam loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

3. Always obey Cisspaslam's priests.

4. Never write about chlorophyll.

5. Never eat green fruit.

Hasmidnab is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, benevolent mole.

Hasmidnab created the planet Mars five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasmidnab, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hasmidnab, he will destroy your home planet.

Hasmidnab's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Hasmidnab's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Do not consume tomatoes at dawn.

4. Do not bounce at rivers.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Ladrulgan Hitmumstan is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, blissful newt.

Ladrulgan Hitmumstan created snails three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladrulgan Hitmumstan, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ladrulgan Hitmumstan, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Ladrulgan Hitmumstan's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Ladrulgan Hitmumstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise dresses on sacred days.

2. Do not wear iron on your body.

3. Do not wear pink clothing.

4. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

5. Never prepare rice during spring.

Donjigbigdubbomlaghog is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, effective meerkat.

Donjigbigdubbomlaghog created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Donjigbigdubbomlaghog, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Donjigbigdubbomlaghog, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Donjigbigdubbomlaghog's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Donjigbigdubbomlaghog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon green earth.

2. Never curse while facing east.

3. Never fashion tools from bone.

4. Never point your head toward the west during prayer.

5. Do not wear kilts marked with white.

Bassratcin is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, bad-tempered monkey.

Bassratcin created Mount Everest seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassratcin, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bassratcin, she will destroy your home solar system.

Bassratcin's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Bassratcin's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bassratcin nine times a day.

2. Never write about spacetime.

3. Always share limes with strangers, but never with eagles.

4. Always help geese in need.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

Vidgumveg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, prudent octopus.

Vidgumveg created a quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Vidgumveg, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Vidgumveg, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Vidgumveg's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Vidgumveg's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never record secrets.

3. Do not speak of electromagnetism near sacred fires.

4. Never talk about dark energy.

5. Never speak aloud of numbers.

Rulpaknarl is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, irritating swan.

Rulpaknarl created the planet Venus seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rulpaknarl, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Rulpaknarl, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Rulpaknarl's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Rulpaknarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross forests at dawn.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never talk about archaea.

5. Never talk about aardvarks.

Rultonkloop is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, wise chinchilla.

Rultonkloop created the Whirlpool Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rultonkloop, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Rultonkloop, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Rultonkloop's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Rultonkloop's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

2. Do not dye your hair gray.

3. Always cleanse ash with water.

4. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

5. Do not place cherries upon stone.