Nilqueegrag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, ruthless salamander.

Nilqueegrag created parasitic wasps five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilqueegrag, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nilqueegrag, he will think nothing of it.

Nilqueegrag's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Nilqueegrag's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all portents.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not consume figs at dawn.

4. Run away from violet aardvarks, for they are unholy.

5. Always look after injured moths.

Ontcemcuss is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, uncaring tapir.

Ontcemcuss created energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontcemcuss, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ontcemcuss, he will turn you into a slug.

Ontcemcuss' most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Ontcemcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not prepare tomatoes while wearing ear rings.

Bigkikyim is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, boastful lizard.

Bigkikyim created the Tadpole Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bigkikyim, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bigkikyim, it will remove you from existence.

Bigkikyim's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Bigkikyim's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain coats during rituals.

2. Hide from purple geese for they are unholy.

3. Worship no other gods but Bigkikyim.

4. Do not resist balance.

5. Never jump near dolphins.

Lip is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, cheerful seal.

Lip created the Virgo Supercluster nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lip, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lip, he will torture you forever.

Lip's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Lip's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

2. Never wear turquoise jumpers.

3. Always look after injured tapirs.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always remove skirts before entering holy places.

Jingemvog is a god.

She takes the form of a large, irritating raccoon.

Jingemvog created a down quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jingemvog, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jingemvog, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Jingemvog's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Jingemvog's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not shave your neck.

Rancaddibkadmis Japbemcam Fabgettetti is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, pitiless otter.

Rancaddibkadmis Japbemcam Fabgettetti created the Sunflower Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rancaddibkadmis Japbemcam Fabgettetti, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Rancaddibkadmis Japbemcam Fabgettetti, she will cry a lot.

Rancaddibkadmis Japbemcam Fabgettetti's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Rancaddibkadmis Japbemcam Fabgettetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not leap at mountains.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not take Rancaddibkadmis Japbemcam Fabgettetti's name in vain.

5. Do not shave your arms.

Fitlagyogtarp is a god.

He takes the form of a large, caring swallow.

Fitlagyogtarp created life three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fitlagyogtarp, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fitlagyogtarp, he will manifest in front of you.

Fitlagyogtarp's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Fitlagyogtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured sheep.

2. Shun those given to sloth.

3. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Never wear kilts.

Sabquagcut is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, grumpy hare.

Sabquagcut created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sabquagcut, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sabquagcut, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Sabquagcut's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Sabquagcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Never allow voles to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Run away if six porpoises approach from the north.

4. Do not fashion tools from silicon.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.