Flamfitwip is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, benevolent fish.

Flamfitwip created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flamfitwip, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flamfitwip, it will be very sad.

Flamfitwip's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Flamfitwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare turnips while wearing shoes.

2. Do not record signs concerning galaxies.

3. Never pray while filled with anger.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never bounce in the presence of geese.

Rutkampog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, narcissistic hydra.

Rutkampog created the planet Venus two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutkampog, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Rutkampog, he will send you a sign.

Rutkampog's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Rutkampog's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove hats before entering holy places.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Always wash your face before prayer.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Pray only in moonlight.

Fetzedbest is a god.

He takes the form of a large, moody slug.

Fetzedbest created the cosmos three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetzedbest, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Fetzedbest, he will torture you forever.

Fetzedbest's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Fetzedbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Run away if five badgers approach from the south.

3. Do not consume lemons at dawn.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never fashion tools from stone.

Cemtarpken is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, self-assured swallow.

Cemtarpken created a bottom quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Cemtarpken, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cemtarpken, he will manifest in front of you.

Cemtarpken's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Cemtarpken's Holy Commandments

1. Always help snakes.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Cemtarpken.

5. Never travel toward the east during autumn.

Gupbapaf is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, weak fairy.

Gupbapaf created the world two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gupbapaf, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gupbapaf, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gupbapaf's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gupbapaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not step barefoot upon black earth.

3. Never laugh in summer.

4. Do not take Gupbapaf's name in vain.

5. Never approach rivers carrying wood.

Teennigbogsigvegpan is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, egotistical shark.

Teennigbogsigvegpan created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Teennigbogsigvegpan, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Teennigbogsigvegpan, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Teennigbogsigvegpan's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Teennigbogsigvegpan's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in shadows.

2. Never allow hamsters to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Put Teennigbogsigvegpan first in all things.

4. Never hurt whales.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Zodpodrot is a god.

She takes the form of a small, capable fish.

Zodpodrot created oxygen four years ago.

If you believe in Zodpodrot, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zodpodrot, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Zodpodrot's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Zodpodrot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Always obey Zodpodrot's priests.

3. Never pray while filled with fear.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never skip in the presence of elders.

Zenmifpom is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, prudent elephant.

Zenmifpom created a strange quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenmifpom, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zenmifpom, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Zenmifpom's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Zenmifpom's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms purple.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zenmifpom.

3. Do not gather at walls at dusk.

4. Never talk about photosynthesis.

5. Never bounce in the presence of squirrels.