Sattimsag is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, ruthless deer.

Sattimsag created the Sun four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sattimsag, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sattimsag, she will turn you into a slug.

Sattimsag's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Sattimsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about moons.

2. Do not consume coconuts at dawn.

3. Never handle silver while unclean.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Hide from orange hamsters for they are unholy.

Kamhapnad is a god.

It takes the form of a small, merciless scorpion.

Kamhapnad created bats five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamhapnad, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kamhapnad, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Kamhapnad's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Kamhapnad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Never eat oranges.

3. Never think about thermodynamics.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Do not record names concerning black holes.

Kentitquag Zakgepfeb is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, fussy ferret.

Kentitquag Zakgepfeb created everything that exists eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kentitquag Zakgepfeb, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kentitquag Zakgepfeb, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Kentitquag Zakgepfeb's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Kentitquag Zakgepfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with green.

2. Never remain standing at midday.

3. Never touch water while unclean.

4. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

5. Always treat hamsters with great respect.

Voggupnan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, tiresome goose.

Voggupnan created an up quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Voggupnan, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Voggupnan, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Voggupnan's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Voggupnan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Hide from brown grasshopers for they are unholy.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Always share turnips with strangers, but never with mice.

5. Never talk about special relativity.

Mottinbam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, blissful bat.

Mottinbam created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mottinbam, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Mottinbam, he will turn you into a goat.

Mottinbam's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Mottinbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never adorn your back with indigo markings.

3. Always act with obedience.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Always store figs above ground.

Dutcembut is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, intelligent turtle.

Dutcembut created the planet Earth eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutcembut, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dutcembut, he will turn you into a mole.

Dutcembut's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Dutcembut's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow nematodes to witness sacred rites.

2. Always act with patience when addressing strangers.

3. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

4. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Quilldamtail is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, irritating tapir.

Quilldamtail created Africa five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quilldamtail, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quilldamtail, it will destroy your home planet.

Quilldamtail's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Quilldamtail's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate quantum gravity during the night.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Quilldamtail in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never point your head toward the east during prayer.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near ducks while wearing fawn kilts and balancing seven tin spheres on your chest.

5. Never feed lots of tomatoes to seals while wearing cyan scarves.

Vedfumbem is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, ill-tempered crow.

Vedfumbem created the Sombrero Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vedfumbem, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vedfumbem, she will destroy your favourite star.

Vedfumbem's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Vedfumbem's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not speak of the strong nuclear force near sacred fires.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never talk about voles.