Pascinsad is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, overgenerous cow.

Pascinsad created bats six million years ago.

If you believe in Pascinsad, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Pascinsad, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Pascinsad's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Pascinsad's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Always act with obedience.

4. Never touch oil while clean.

5. Never talk about optics.

Yogdabnull is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, ill-tempered goose.

Yogdabnull created the cosmos eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yogdabnull, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yogdabnull, it will turn you into a tree.

Yogdabnull's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Yogdabnull's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Yogdabnull.

2. Fast once a month.

3. You must pray to Yogdabnull eight times a day.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.

Mittaghom Gensagpop is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, vain weasel.

Mittaghom Gensagpop created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Mittaghom Gensagpop, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Mittaghom Gensagpop, it will refuse to believe in you.

Mittaghom Gensagpop's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Mittaghom Gensagpop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

2. Never approach crossroads carrying wood.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not wear brown clothing.

5. Do not prepare coconuts while wearing rings.

Volabquat Quaffedzen is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, two-faced hummingbird.

Volabquat Quaffedzen created the planet Venus eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Volabquat Quaffedzen, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Volabquat Quaffedzen, it will destroy your home planet.

Volabquat Quaffedzen's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Volabquat Quaffedzen's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not name children after porpoises.

3. Always maintain humility during fasting days.

4. Never eat corn on days of mourning.

5. Respect your elders.

Damfligjam is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, thoughtless jaguar.

Damfligjam created vertebrates seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Damfligjam, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Damfligjam, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Damfligjam's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Damfligjam's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Never handle gold while unclean.

3. Never hop in summer.

4. Never talk about enzymes.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

Vonkvongemzed is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, happy frog.

Vonkvongemzed created a strange quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkvongemzed, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vonkvongemzed, she will throw large rocks at you.

Vonkvongemzed's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Vonkvongemzed's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.

2. Never cross mountains at midday.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not speak about gooseberries.

5. Pray only in darkness.

Kopgancar is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, temperamental bee.

Kopgancar created carbon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kopgancar, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kopgancar, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Kopgancar's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Kopgancar's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather three grasshopers near walls.

2. Never wear orange hats on sacred days.

3. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

4. Do not speak of special relativity near sacred fires.

5. Always remove shirts before entering holy places.

Hotsawveenkom is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, overgenerous troll.

Hotsawveenkom created an atom two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotsawveenkom, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Hotsawveenkom, she will turn you into a worm.

Hotsawveenkom's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Hotsawveenkom's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Hotsawveenkom in the centre of the settlement.

2. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not step barefoot upon violet earth.

5. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.