Nellmegnab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust cow.

Nellmegnab created the Sun three million years ago.

If you believe in Nellmegnab, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nellmegnab, she will make you grow a tail.

Nellmegnab's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Nellmegnab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nellmegnab.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never handle zinc while unclean.

4. Always treat gulls with great respect.

5. Always remove shirts before entering holy places.

Betgonmeg is a god.

It takes the form of a small, vain chinchilla.

Betgonmeg created the Cigar Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Betgonmeg, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Betgonmeg, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Betgonmeg's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Betgonmeg's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Betgonmeg seven times a day.

2. Do not record signs concerning nebulae.

3. Never travel toward the west during autumn.

4. Never chant in the presence of elders.

5. Run away from fawn hamsters, for they are unholy.

Bagzedrak is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, smart sheep.

Bagzedrak created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bagzedrak, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bagzedrak, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bagzedrak's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Bagzedrak's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Bagzedrak in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not wear mauve clothing.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in cyan.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never paint your back violet.

Row is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, staggering hedgehog.

Row created silver five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Row, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Row, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Row's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Row's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

3. Run away from brown ants, for they are unholy.

4. Never discuss ribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

5. You must pray to Row five times a day.

Nakponfob is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, flying skunk.

Nakponfob created an atom seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakponfob, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Nakponfob, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Nakponfob's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Nakponfob's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in green.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not prepare lemons while wearing dresses.

4. Never think about dark energy near capybaras while wearing brown shorts and balancing four aluminium spheres on your head.

5. Never write about comets.

Nurtquarting is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, stupid warg.

Nurtquarting created vertebrates two billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtquarting, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Nurtquarting, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Nurtquarting's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Nurtquarting's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about chromosomes.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Nurtquarting must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never gather three tortoises in one place.

5. Do not shave your hands.

Dinnatjig is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unsympathetic wren.

Dinnatjig created Europe five million years ago.

If you believe in Dinnatjig, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dinnatjig, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Dinnatjig's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Dinnatjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never mix pineapples with water.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity.

5. Eagles are not to be trusted.

Randadhun is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, fast unicorn.

Randadhun created the Cigar Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Randadhun, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Randadhun, he will think nothing of it.

Randadhun's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Randadhun's Holy Commandments

1. Remain bowed during prayer.

2. Never mention sharks.

3. Never think ill of sick otters.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never pray while filled with envy.