Shavmifjapcuss is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, weak gnu.

Shavmifjapcuss created the universe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Shavmifjapcuss, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Shavmifjapcuss, it will throw large rocks at you.

Shavmifjapcuss' most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Shavmifjapcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never gather three bats in one place.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not fashion tools from silver.

Sabbanved Pogbedstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, humane hippopotamus.

Sabbanved Pogbedstaf created Africa seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sabbanved Pogbedstaf, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Sabbanved Pogbedstaf, he will not care at all.

Sabbanved Pogbedstaf's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Sabbanved Pogbedstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Never hurt frogs.

Fumsadstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unthoughtful snake.

Fumsadstaf created the world seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumsadstaf, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fumsadstaf, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Fumsadstaf's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Fumsadstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with gray.

2. Do not step barefoot upon red earth.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching aluminium.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never speak at midday.

Yarpquaghentenflig is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, conceited tapir.

Yarpquaghentenflig created the Milkyway seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpquaghentenflig, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Yarpquaghentenflig, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Yarpquaghentenflig's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Yarpquaghentenflig's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not prepare tomatoes while wearing boots.

4. Never allow dogs to witness sacred rites.

5. Never travel toward the south during winter.

Tanvegrakzakpopbab is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, almighty newt.

Tanvegrakzakpopbab created the planet Earth six million years ago.

If you believe in Tanvegrakzakpopbab, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tanvegrakzakpopbab, it will be very sad.

Tanvegrakzakpopbab's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Tanvegrakzakpopbab's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet dolphins, for they are unholy.

2. Always remove ear rings before entering holy places.

3. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Tanvegrakzakpopbab in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not kill squirrels.

5. Never allow seals to witness sacred rites.

Tarvedrot is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, emotional otter.

Tarvedrot created the Sombrero Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tarvedrot, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarvedrot, she will think nothing of it.

Tarvedrot's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tarvedrot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon yellow earth.

2. Do not dye your hair black.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Foxes are not to be trusted.

5. Do not fashion tools from titanium.

Sagvongid is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, witless scorpion.

Sagvongid created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sagvongid, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sagvongid, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Sagvongid's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Sagvongid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Erect four lead sculptures of Sagvongid on top of important buildings.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Sagvongid.

5. Always pray immersed in water.

Gudhomkar is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable manatee.

Gudhomkar created gold five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gudhomkar, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gudhomkar, she will refuse to believe in you.

Gudhomkar's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Gudhomkar's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always help rats.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Feed all hungry swans.

5. Never go into gray rooms.