Fadbossfen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, all-powerful newt.

Fadbossfen created the planet Mars four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fadbossfen, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fadbossfen, it will turn you into a rock.

Fadbossfen's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Fadbossfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle zinc while unclean.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

4. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

5. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.

Nurlartbunbam is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, self-assured mink.

Nurlartbunbam created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlartbunbam, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Nurlartbunbam, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Nurlartbunbam's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Nurlartbunbam's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility.

2. Never stain your legs with fawn.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Nurlartbunbam loves voles, so they must be honoured.

5. Never jump in the presence of eagles.

Gudsadlid is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, impressive goat.

Gudsadlid created energy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gudsadlid, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gudsadlid, she will strike you with lightening.

Gudsadlid's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gudsadlid's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Shun those given to sloth.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near capybaras while wearing blue kilts.

4. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

5. You must love Gudsadlid.

Dap is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, witty gorilla.

Dap created Africa seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dap, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Dap, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Dap's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Dap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Put Dap first in all things.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near birds while wearing black coats and balancing seven gold spheres on your neck.

4. Do not contemplate gravity during the night.

5. Do not drink alcohol.

Konbumyat is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, duplicitous octopus.

Konbumyat created the planet Jupiter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Konbumyat, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Konbumyat, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Konbumyat's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Konbumyat's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience when addressing strangers.

2. Do not kill capybaras.

3. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

4. Never go into cyan rooms.

5. Do not shave your feet.

Komwipmap is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, omniscient jaguar.

Komwipmap created the Milkyway nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Komwipmap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Komwipmap, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Komwipmap's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Komwipmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at midday.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics.

3. Do not speak about lemons.

4. Do not step barefoot upon green earth.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.

Bestwadpon is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, intelligent gerbil.

Bestwadpon created a charm quark four years ago.

If you believe in Bestwadpon, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bestwadpon, she will think nothing of it.

Bestwadpon's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Bestwadpon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never mix melons with oil.

4. Never talk about planets.

5. Never talk about amino acids.

Timstiglit is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, tranquil bee.

Timstiglit created a down quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Timstiglit, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Timstiglit, it will turn you into a duck.

Timstiglit's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Timstiglit's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the south during spring.

2. Never allow nematodes to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

4. Hide from orange birds for they are unholy.

5. Always stare at clouds.