Ontbadrill is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, proud mongoose.

Ontbadrill created Africa four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontbadrill, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ontbadrill, she will refuse to believe in you.

Ontbadrill's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Ontbadrill's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick horses.

2. Never travel toward the east during winter.

3. Never think about electromagnetism near grasshopers while wearing indigo skirts and balancing three aluminium spheres on your arms.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never allow tortoises to sleep beneath your roof.

Yartgofren is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, confident bee.

Yartgofren created time and space three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartgofren, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yartgofren, she will curse you with boils.

Yartgofren's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Yartgofren's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never wear green ear rings on sacred days.

3. Never whisper while facing south.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

Dottettiyat is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, calm seal.

Dottettiyat created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dottettiyat, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Dottettiyat, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Dottettiyat's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Dottettiyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather eight tapirs near walls.

2. Dottettiyat loves rats, so they must be respected.

3. Never fashion tools from wood.

4. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

5. Never bounce near ducks.

Flagabarp is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, fussy wren.

Flagabarp created the solar system six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flagabarp, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flagabarp, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Flagabarp's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Flagabarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy near sheep while wearing fawn trousers and balancing three nickel spheres on your feet.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.

3. Always count to four before sleeping.

4. You must pray to Flagabarp seven times a day.

5. Never allow shrews to sleep beneath your roof.

Pakxingudvegcat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, capable squid.

Pakxingudvegcat created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakxingudvegcat, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Pakxingudvegcat, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Pakxingudvegcat's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Pakxingudvegcat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always share cherries with strangers, but never with manatees.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not wear dresses marked with white.

Rakjabquafcim is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, unjust gorilla.

Rakjabquafcim created the Virgo Supercluster nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rakjabquafcim, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Rakjabquafcim, she will try to impress you with trees.

Rakjabquafcim's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Rakjabquafcim's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

3. Do not sit at mountains.

4. Do not name children after bats.

5. Never speak aloud of names.

Dossqueegfig is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, ruthless penguin.

Dossqueegfig created the planet Jupiter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Dossqueegfig, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dossqueegfig, it will turn you into a slug.

Dossqueegfig's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Dossqueegfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain kneeling at midday.

2. Do not take Dossqueegfig's name in vain.

3. Never think ill of sick moths.

4. Do not kill whales.

5. Hide if nine nematodes approach from the east.

Flabyatcab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, annoying clam.

Flabyatcab created bats nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flabyatcab, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Flabyatcab, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Flabyatcab's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Flabyatcab's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.

2. Do not dye your hair cyan.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

4. Never approach forests carrying bone.

5. Do not commit murder.