Tarpafsinmil is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, humane cow.

Tarpafsinmil created the Andromeda Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpafsinmil, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tarpafsinmil, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Tarpafsinmil's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tarpafsinmil's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green shoes.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never sing in the presence of dogs.

5. Retreat if eight monkeys approach from the north.

Fomzimmat is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, competent unicorn.

Fomzimmat created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fomzimmat, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fomzimmat, she will send minions to preach to you.

Fomzimmat's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Fomzimmat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never think about spacetime near otters while wearing blue stockings and balancing eight copper spheres on your head.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

Rappan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, cheerful dugong.

Rappan created life three billion years ago.

If you believe in Rappan, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Rappan, she will be mildly annoyed.

Rappan's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Rappan's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight foxes approach from the west.

2. Never talk about bats.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Run away if seven manatees approach from the north.

5. Never think about quantum field theory.

Pidragwap is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, stupid squid.

Pidragwap created an atom three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pidragwap, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Pidragwap, he will not care.

Pidragwap's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Pidragwap's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never wear turquoise skirts.

3. Hide if five cats approach from the south.

4. Never eat melons.

5. Do not kill birds.

Gencarhad is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, vain cat.

Gencarhad created Africa nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gencarhad, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gencarhad, she will turn you into a snail.

Gencarhad's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Gencarhad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

2. Never wear ear rings.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Do not stand on grass.

Larncubratcap is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, duplicitous donkey.

Larncubratcap created the solar system three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larncubratcap, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Larncubratcap, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Larncubratcap's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Larncubratcap's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint near foxes.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near tapirs while wearing red rings and balancing six zinc spheres on your hands.

3. You must never eat peanuts.

4. Never look at dwarf planets.

5. Do not commit murder.

Rullarpsaw is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, contented coyote.

Rullarpsaw created a Higgs boson two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rullarpsaw, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Rullarpsaw, he will cry a lot.

Rullarpsaw's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Rullarpsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Rullarpsaw's name in vain.

2. You must love Rullarpsaw.

3. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

4. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

5. Never look in ponds.

Lenjadnathug is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, loving squirrel.

Lenjadnathug created life two years ago.

If you believe in Lenjadnathug, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lenjadnathug, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Lenjadnathug's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Lenjadnathug's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about chlorophyll.

2. Never paint your back mauve.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

4. Erect a giant black sculpture of Lenjadnathug in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not chop down trees.