Bophadlad is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, narcissistic wasp.

Bophadlad created the solar system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bophadlad, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bophadlad, he will make you grow a tail.

Bophadlad's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bophadlad's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain humility during fasting days.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Stafquaffon is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, confident fairy.

Stafquaffon created time and space four billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafquaffon, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Stafquaffon, she will turn you into a tree.

Stafquaffon's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Stafquaffon's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

2. Never think about solid mechanics near otters while wearing violet tights and balancing five silicon spheres on your head.

3. Do not wear coats marked with fawn.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never allow turtles to sleep beneath your roof.

Pib is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, overgenerous monkey.

Pib created everything that exists two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pib, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Pib, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Pib's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Pib's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat corn on fasting days.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always look after injured goats.

5. Never allow frogs to witness sacred rites.

Ortrutgig is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, unthoughtful mink.

Ortrutgig created the Andromeda Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortrutgig, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ortrutgig, it will throw large rocks at you.

Ortrutgig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Ortrutgig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

2. Hide if six frogs approach from the west.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never speak aloud of names.

5. Always take life seriously.

Tarpquillbonk is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, merciful mink.

Tarpquillbonk created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpquillbonk, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tarpquillbonk, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tarpquillbonk's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Tarpquillbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not dye your hair white.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not eat turnips.

Rullbodsag is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, wise slug.

Rullbodsag created the Large Magellanic Cloud two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rullbodsag, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Rullbodsag, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Rullbodsag's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Rullbodsag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

2. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Rullbodsag in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not kill tortoises.

4. Always remove dresses before entering holy places.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

Gebmonxembep is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, resourceful porpoise.

Gebmonxembep created the Large Magellanic Cloud six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gebmonxembep, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gebmonxembep, he will turn you into a plant.

Gebmonxembep's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Gebmonxembep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Feed all hungry horses.

3. You must love Gebmonxembep.

4. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never stain your arms with brown.

Barn Sawventof Fonparkgut is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, loving hare.

Barn Sawventof Fonparkgut created the solar system four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barn Sawventof Fonparkgut, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Barn Sawventof Fonparkgut, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Barn Sawventof Fonparkgut's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Barn Sawventof Fonparkgut's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about eukaryotes.

2. Worship no other gods but Barn Sawventof Fonparkgut.

3. Do not prepare limes while wearing shorts.

4. Always remove corsets before entering holy places.

5. Always take life seriously.