Dadtimlam is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, confident goblin.

Dadtimlam created water two million years ago.

If you believe in Dadtimlam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dadtimlam, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Dadtimlam's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Dadtimlam's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove rings before touching nickel.

2. Never look at asteroids.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dadtimlam.

Popbenwigcen is a god.

It takes the form of a small, almighty mouse.

Popbenwigcen created the cosmos three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Popbenwigcen, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Popbenwigcen, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Popbenwigcen's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Popbenwigcen's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never chant while facing east.

3. Never talk about dark matter near hamsters while wearing red corsets and balancing eight carbon spheres on your feet.

4. Never gather six dogs near doors.

5. Always count to seven before sleeping.

Bamnillbum is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust weasel.

Bamnillbum created the Black Eye Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamnillbum, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bamnillbum, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bamnillbum's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Bamnillbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of goats.

2. Never eat corn on holy days.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never eat lemons.

5. Do not sprint in public.

Bapcabfidbidgarfig is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, awe-inspiring jackal.

Bapcabfidbidgarfig created the Black Eye Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapcabfidbidgarfig, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bapcabfidbidgarfig, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Bapcabfidbidgarfig's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bapcabfidbidgarfig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mites in a room before entering it.

2. Dogs are not to be trusted.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never wear orange shorts on sacred days.

Donrullfod is a god.

It takes the form of a large, contented hippopotamus.

Donrullfod created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Donrullfod, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Donrullfod, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Donrullfod's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Donrullfod's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear cyan.

2. Put Donrullfod first in all things.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

Cisshotmap is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, passionate pigeon.

Cisshotmap created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cisshotmap, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Cisshotmap, it will ignore you.

Cisshotmap's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Cisshotmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare garlic during summer.

2. Never pray while filled with joy.

3. Do not consume bread at dawn.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never talk about dwarf planets.

Tenyimbid is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, bad-tempered butterfly.

Tenyimbid created a charm quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tenyimbid, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tenyimbid, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tenyimbid's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Tenyimbid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear jumpers marked with orange.

2. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Hide from magenta shrews for they are unholy.

5. Do not step barefoot upon indigo earth.

Tonflabwad is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, caring spider.

Tonflabwad created the planet Saturn six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonflabwad, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Tonflabwad, it will turn you into a worm.

Tonflabwad's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Tonflabwad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not hurt pigs.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

4. Always remove corsets before entering holy places.

5. Always look after injured rats.