Tarved is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, omniscient naga.

Tarved created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tarved, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tarved, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Tarved's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Tarved's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tarved first in all things.

2. Never pray while filled with fear.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Tarved on top of all buildings.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Rapbat Fatponfut Citkan is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, tiresome tapir.

Rapbat Fatponfut Citkan created the solar system six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rapbat Fatponfut Citkan, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Rapbat Fatponfut Citkan, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Rapbat Fatponfut Citkan's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Rapbat Fatponfut Citkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare grapes during spring.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. You must love Rapbat Fatponfut Citkan.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.

Rilfebcim is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, overgenerous salamander.

Rilfebcim created silver six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rilfebcim, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Rilfebcim, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Rilfebcim's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Rilfebcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Run away if five frogs approach from the north.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

Fumbathab is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, impressive ant.

Fumbathab created an atom nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fumbathab, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fumbathab, he will laugh at you.

Fumbathab's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Fumbathab's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Always store peas above ground.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not step barefoot upon turquoise earth.

5. Never mention capybaras.

Bastrangen is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, moody lion.

Bastrangen created the Black Eye Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastrangen, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bastrangen, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Bastrangen's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Bastrangen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about fluid mechanics.

2. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

3. Do not resist fate.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

Jarnflabgadfed is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, self-assured butterfly.

Jarnflabgadfed created life four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnflabgadfed, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnflabgadfed, it will curse you with boils.

Jarnflabgadfed's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Jarnflabgadfed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record secrets concerning galaxies.

2. Do not keep six ants in a large pit.

3. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

4. Always store garlic above ground.

5. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

Pibgammat is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, prudent clam.

Pibgammat created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pibgammat, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pibgammat, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Pibgammat's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Pibgammat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never cross forests at midnight.

3. Pibgammat must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Put Pibgammat first in all things.

5. Never speak of fate in the presence of strangers.

Gatvanpig is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, merciless dragon.

Gatvanpig created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatvanpig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gatvanpig, she will cry a lot.

Gatvanpig's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Gatvanpig's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Gatvanpig loves eagles, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not step barefoot upon yellow earth.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.