Sastap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, annoying grasshopper.

Sastap created life two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sastap, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sastap, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Sastap's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Sastap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never sit near moths.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Never prepare onions during winter.

Tarpmutpark is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, resourceful frog.

Tarpmutpark created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpmutpark, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tarpmutpark, he will make you grow a tail.

Tarpmutpark's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Tarpmutpark's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with obedience.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tarpmutpark.

3. Do not wear green clothing.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not fashion tools from gold.

Cubtarptif is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, passionate goblin.

Cubtarptif created life seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cubtarptif, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cubtarptif, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Cubtarptif's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Cubtarptif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never chant in holy places.

3. Never chant while facing north.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism.

5. Do not speak of quantum field theory near sacred fires.

Flatwadcar is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, kind cow.

Flatwadcar created humankind seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatwadcar, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flatwadcar, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Flatwadcar's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Flatwadcar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Never touch blood while unclean.

3. Never gather six foxes near towers.

4. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near badgers while wearing blue scarves and balancing nine platinum spheres on your face.

Fosspannell is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, sapient crab.

Fosspannell created parasitic wasps five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fosspannell, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fosspannell, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Fosspannell's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Fosspannell's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Fosspannell.

2. Always obey Fosspannell's priests.

3. Never fashion tools from clay.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never approach rivers carrying ash.

Yattcitxuc is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful jackal.

Yattcitxuc created the Cigar Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yattcitxuc, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Yattcitxuc, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Yattcitxuc's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Yattcitxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from indigo turtles, for they are unholy.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Always act with humility when addressing children.

4. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not chop down trees.

Xuclencuss is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, annoying centipede.

Xuclencuss created the Black Eye Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuclencuss, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xuclencuss, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Xuclencuss' most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Xuclencuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about electromagnetism.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not place lemons upon stone.

4. Always act with humility when addressing elders.

5. You must pray to Xuclencuss seven times a day.

Fotzogfem is a god.

She takes the form of a large, unthinking duck.

Fotzogfem created the Small Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotzogfem, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fotzogfem, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Fotzogfem's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Fotzogfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare beans while wearing stockings.

2. Do not name children after snakes.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never feed lots of parsnips to dogs while wearing white shirts.

5. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.