Tifbonkhim is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, merciful goblin.

Tifbonkhim created tapeworms four million years ago.

If you believe in Tifbonkhim, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tifbonkhim, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Tifbonkhim's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Tifbonkhim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Eagles are not to be trusted.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near rats while wearing blue shirts and balancing nine lead spheres on your arms.

5. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.

Fudkanrutt is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, self-assured beaver.

Fudkanrutt created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fudkanrutt, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fudkanrutt, he will strike you with lightening.

Fudkanrutt's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Fudkanrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

2. Erect four platinum sculptures of Fudkanrutt on top of important buildings.

3. Never mix cucumbers with oil.

4. Never travel toward the west during spring.

5. Do not hurt monkeys.

Gigfatfab is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, idiotic cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gigfatfab created the Sol system eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gigfatfab, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gigfatfab, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gigfatfab's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Gigfatfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near seals.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. Do not speak of thermodynamics near sacred fires.

4. Never travel toward the north during autumn.

5. Never chant while facing east.

Bignulged is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, witty alligator.

Bignulged created the Sun nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bignulged, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bignulged, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bignulged's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Bignulged's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist chaos.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.

4. Never point your face toward the north during prayer.

5. Do not step barefoot upon magenta earth.

Komlibjon Padrangat is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, able dingo.

Komlibjon Padrangat created a down quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Komlibjon Padrangat, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Komlibjon Padrangat, it will not invite you to parties.

Komlibjon Padrangat's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Komlibjon Padrangat's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never curse while facing east.

4. Never paint your chest orange.

5. Never eat pineapples.

Janpommob is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish manatee.

Janpommob created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Janpommob, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Janpommob, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Janpommob's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Janpommob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare bananas while filled with anger.

2. Never skip in winter.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not prepare turnips while wearing tights.

Stanbanget is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, humorless duck.

Stanbanget created the universe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stanbanget, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Stanbanget, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Stanbanget's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Stanbanget's Holy Commandments

1. Remain standing during prayer.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never feed lots of pineapples to snails while wearing turquoise shorts.

5. Always pray immersed in water.

Nigdossgab is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, sapient narwhal.

Nigdossgab created the universe two million years ago.

If you believe in Nigdossgab, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nigdossgab, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Nigdossgab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Nigdossgab's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in shadows.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Always count to three before sleeping.

4. Do not keep five snakes in a large pit.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.