Kartailwot is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, flying crocodile.

Kartailwot created humanity seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kartailwot, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kartailwot, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Kartailwot's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Kartailwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never sing in the presence of elders.

4. Do not laugh at forests.

5. Always help sick aardvarks.

Lapbesting is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, cheerful dove.

Lapbesting created tapeworms four years ago.

If you believe in Lapbesting, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lapbesting, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Lapbesting's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Lapbesting's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chant in public.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never adorn your chest with cyan markings.

5. Do not hurt ducks.

Stafcebcit Gamtablak is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, dishonourable mongoose.

Stafcebcit Gamtablak created the cosmos six billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafcebcit Gamtablak, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Stafcebcit Gamtablak, it will turn you into a tree.

Stafcebcit Gamtablak's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Stafcebcit Gamtablak's Holy Commandments

1. Stafcebcit Gamtablak loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

2. Never go into indigo rooms.

3. Never discuss cell theory in public assemblies.

4. Run away from purple snails, for they are unholy.

5. You must love Stafcebcit Gamtablak.

Janlitarp is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, selfish sheep.

Janlitarp created the Sombrero Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Janlitarp, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Janlitarp, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Janlitarp's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Janlitarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your arms toward the west during prayer.

2. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

3. Never touch blood while tainted.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Janlitarp.

5. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

Wikluncip is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, emotional fairy.

Wikluncip created dark energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wikluncip, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Wikluncip, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Wikluncip's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Wikluncip's Holy Commandments

1. Frogs are not to be trusted.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Erect eight carbon sculptures of Wikluncip on top of important buildings.

4. Run away from blue capybaras, for they are unholy.

5. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

Narltamhog is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, dishonest fly.

Narltamhog created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Narltamhog, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Narltamhog, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Narltamhog's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Narltamhog's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear indigo.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near nematodes while wearing white tights and balancing seven gold spheres on your feet.

3. Shun those given to greed.

4. You must pray to Narltamhog four times a day.

5. Do not laugh at crossroads.

Danwonfit is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, humorless finch.

Danwonfit created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Danwonfit, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Danwonfit, it will turn you into a hamster.

Danwonfit's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Danwonfit's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not kill whales.

3. Never eat bread.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Danwonfit.

5. Do not keep four seals in a large pit.

Quillgatcad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, wise fox.

Quillgatcad created the Sol system two million years ago.

If you believe in Quillgatcad, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quillgatcad, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Quillgatcad's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Quillgatcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Never jump in the presence of elders.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Quillgatcad.

4. Never talk about nucleic acids.

5. Do not speak of electromagnetism near sacred fires.