Dusstikbam is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, weak fish.

Dusstikbam created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dusstikbam, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dusstikbam, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Dusstikbam's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Dusstikbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not kill geese.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

5. Put Dusstikbam first in all things.

Gadtimpakbuggad is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, idiotic hyena.

Gadtimpakbuggad created the Milkyway eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gadtimpakbuggad, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gadtimpakbuggad, he will turn you into a mole.

Gadtimpakbuggad's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Gadtimpakbuggad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gadtimpakbuggad.

3. Always obey Gadtimpakbuggad's priests.

4. Never think ill of sick bats.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gadtimpakbuggad.

Sisvab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, humorless hyena.

Sisvab created the solar system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sisvab, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sisvab, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Sisvab's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Sisvab's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always wear red.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Retreat if four doves approach from the west.

Kam Goforttim is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, emotional gnu.

Kam Goforttim created the world seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kam Goforttim, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kam Goforttim, it will ignore you.

Kam Goforttim's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Kam Goforttim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near doves while wearing indigo boots.

2. Always help mice.

3. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Kam Goforttim in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always wear turquoise.

Yarlmumnell is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, idiotic skunk.

Yarlmumnell created bats six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlmumnell, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Yarlmumnell, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Yarlmumnell's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Yarlmumnell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not speak about beans.

3. Always treat manatees with great respect.

4. Run away if eight swans approach from the east.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

Arpvoggeb is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, narcissistic mongoose.

Arpvoggeb created gold five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpvoggeb, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Arpvoggeb, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Arpvoggeb's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Arpvoggeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about strawberries.

2. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

3. Arpvoggeb loves snakes, so they must be respected.

4. Never chant in holy places.

5. You must pray to Arpvoggeb five times a day.

Applitgum is a god.

It takes the form of a large, resourceful dragonfly.

Applitgum created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Applitgum, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Applitgum, it will destroy your favourite star.

Applitgum's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Applitgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never eat pineapples.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always obey Applitgum's priests.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

Rilldavpom is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, able faun.

Rilldavpom created viruses four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rilldavpom, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Rilldavpom, he will turn you into a tree.

Rilldavpom's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Rilldavpom's Holy Commandments

1. Always help frogs in need.

2. Never write about nucleic acids.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Put Rilldavpom first in all things.

5. Never talk about swans.