Vinhog is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, sapient wasp.

Vinhog created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vinhog, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vinhog, she will turn you into a mole.

Vinhog's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Vinhog's Holy Commandments

1. Vinhog must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not fashion tools from titanium.

3. Do not step barefoot upon violet earth.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never talk about grasshopers.

Begbelldissquamponlit is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, bad-tempered snake.

Begbelldissquamponlit created the planet Earth four years ago.

If you believe in Begbelldissquamponlit, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Begbelldissquamponlit, she will have a low opinion of you.

Begbelldissquamponlit's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Begbelldissquamponlit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

2. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Begbelldissquamponlit in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never mix garlic with oil.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not covet oxen.

Ganbintom is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, annoying crow.

Ganbintom created humankind five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ganbintom, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ganbintom, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Ganbintom's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Ganbintom's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near grasshopers while wearing white jumpers.

2. Retreat if three sheep approach from the west.

3. Do not wear nickel on your body.

4. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Ganbintom in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not eat spinach.

Kiphabcan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, awe-inspiring dryad.

Kiphabcan created the Sun four billion years ago.

If you believe in Kiphabcan, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kiphabcan, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Kiphabcan's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Kiphabcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt ducks.

2. Shun those given to greed.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

5. Never play with disobedient children.

Bosstonmangempakmip Siddamzig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, fast monkey.

Bosstonmangempakmip Siddamzig created the planet Jupiter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bosstonmangempakmip Siddamzig, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bosstonmangempakmip Siddamzig, it will curse you with boils.

Bosstonmangempakmip Siddamzig's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Bosstonmangempakmip Siddamzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during winter.

2. Always act with obedience.

3. Never eat lemons.

4. Never fashion tools from wood.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.

Metarpcam is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, bad-tempered hyena.

Metarpcam created a charm quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metarpcam, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Metarpcam, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Metarpcam's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Metarpcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple rings.

2. Never stain your back with orange.

3. Worship no other gods but Metarpcam.

4. Do not take Metarpcam's name in vain.

5. Do not place peas upon stone.

Bedkimfum is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, fussy fox.

Bedkimfum created a quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedkimfum, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bedkimfum, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bedkimfum's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Bedkimfum's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Bedkimfum's priests.

2. Never feed lots of gooseberries to ducks while wearing blue shoes.

3. Run away if eight birds approach from the west.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

Omtnantar is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unselfish hippopotamus.

Omtnantar created gold four years ago.

If you believe in Omtnantar, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Omtnantar, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Omtnantar's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Omtnantar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after badgers.

2. Never eat limes.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never think ill of sick sharks.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near hamsters while wearing cyan boots and balancing four platinum spheres on your face.