Cumtomtetti is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, resourceful eagle.

Cumtomtetti created the Sombrero Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Cumtomtetti, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cumtomtetti, she will turn you into a hamster.

Cumtomtetti's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Cumtomtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Cumtomtetti must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always look after injured dolphins.

3. Never sprint in winter.

4. Always help horses.

5. Do not wear carbon on your body.

Bigcenriglen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, selfish turtle.

Bigcenriglen created the Whirlpool Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Bigcenriglen, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bigcenriglen, she will turn you into a tree.

Bigcenriglen's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Bigcenriglen's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear orange trousers.

2. Never whisper while facing east.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Bigcenriglen loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

5. Never touch water while blessed.

Nibflamcuss is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, passionate chinchilla.

Nibflamcuss created the planet Venus nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nibflamcuss, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nibflamcuss, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nibflamcuss' most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Nibflamcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never approach crossroads carrying stone.

2. Never talk about archaea.

3. Do not prepare nuts while filled with pride.

4. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Nibflamcuss on top of all buildings.

5. Do not dye your hair gray.

Dabcubfen is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, dishonourable seal.

Dabcubfen created the planet Earth eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dabcubfen, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Dabcubfen, she will be very sad.

Dabcubfen's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Dabcubfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your back before prayer.

2. You must never eat nuts.

3. Hide if eight dolphins approach from the east.

4. Run away if six mice approach from the west.

5. Always take life seriously.

Tifnelsigflowbin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, fussy octopus.

Tifnelsigflowbin created the Andromeda Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tifnelsigflowbin, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tifnelsigflowbin, she will turn you into a rock.

Tifnelsigflowbin's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Tifnelsigflowbin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

2. Hide if three squirrels approach from the east.

3. Never allow capybaras to witness sacred rites.

4. Never speak of chaos in the presence of strangers.

5. Never cross mountains at midday.

Wonhiggan is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, deceitful bird.

Wonhiggan created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wonhiggan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Wonhiggan, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Wonhiggan's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Wonhiggan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick eagles.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never mention cats.

4. Retreat if five horses approach from the south.

5. Do not resist order.

Tifnulfeb is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, able rhinoceros.

Tifnulfeb created silver seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifnulfeb, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tifnulfeb, she will not care at all.

Tifnulfeb's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Tifnulfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Never sit in the presence of elders.

5. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

Nantoffab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, witless ferret.

Nantoffab created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nantoffab, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nantoffab, she will send minions to preach to you.

Nantoffab's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Nantoffab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never carve symbols of stars into wood.

3. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

4. You must pray to Nantoffab five times a day.

5. Always help shrews.