Loopnurtgum is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, dishonourable cow.

Loopnurtgum created the world six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopnurtgum, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Loopnurtgum, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Loopnurtgum's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Loopnurtgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record names concerning nebulae.

2. You must never eat spinach.

3. Run away if four badgers approach from the south.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Botdinfub is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, boastful fly.

Botdinfub created life four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Botdinfub, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Botdinfub, he will turn you into a duck.

Botdinfub's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Botdinfub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of the weak nuclear force near sacred fires.

2. Do not dye your hair cyan.

3. Do not prepare corn while filled with envy.

4. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

5. Heed all signs.

Him is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, witty wombat.

Him created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Him, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Him, she will throw large rocks at you.

Him's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Him's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

2. Hide if eight eagles approach from the south.

3. Run away if three ducks approach from the east.

4. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

5. Never adorn your chest with purple markings.

Sangilsit is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, vain dingo.

Sangilsit created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Sangilsit, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Sangilsit, she will remove you from existence.

Sangilsit's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Sangilsit's Holy Commandments

1. Sangilsit loves doves, so they must be respected.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

4. Never wear magenta boots.

5. Never look at moons.

Yarp is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, omniscient narwhal.

Yarp created everything that exists six million years ago.

If you believe in Yarp, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Yarp, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Yarp's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Yarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill geese.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Yarp.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Hide from pink gulls for they are unholy.

5. Do not contemplate solid mechanics during the night.

Kadcutsak Cummifdab is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unthinking cat.

Kadcutsak Cummifdab created vertebrates five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadcutsak Cummifdab, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kadcutsak Cummifdab, it will make you grow a tail.

Kadcutsak Cummifdab's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Kadcutsak Cummifdab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Always help sick great tits.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not drink water in white rooms.

Limtigpark Kartaldut is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, happy elephant.

Limtigpark Kartaldut created matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Limtigpark Kartaldut, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Limtigpark Kartaldut, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Limtigpark Kartaldut's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Limtigpark Kartaldut's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat strawberries.

2. Erect three gold sculptures of Limtigpark Kartaldut on top of important buildings.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.

Listlistfem is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, narcissistic hedgehog.

Listlistfem created dark energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Listlistfem, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Listlistfem, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Listlistfem's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Listlistfem's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always share apples with strangers, but never with bats.

5. Always remove dresses before touching aluminium.