Lanhomfab is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, all-powerful toad.

Lanhomfab created oxygen nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lanhomfab, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lanhomfab, it will come to you in dreams.

Lanhomfab's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Lanhomfab's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lanhomfab.

3. Never adorn your neck with orange markings.

4. Do not consume grapes at dawn.

5. Always help capybaras in need.

Wonlaphat is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, staggering troll.

Wonlaphat created the Milkyway three million years ago.

If you believe in Wonlaphat, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Wonlaphat, she will come to you in dreams.

Wonlaphat's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Wonlaphat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never remain bowed at dusk.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always wash your chest before prayer.

5. Never prepare peas during winter.

Tabrotnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, omnipotent wolf.

Tabrotnurl created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Tabrotnurl, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tabrotnurl, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Tabrotnurl's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Tabrotnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near dolphins while wearing violet shoes and balancing three silicon spheres on your chest.

3. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

4. Never paint your back indigo.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

Funcapcadquill is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, sage eagle.

Funcapcadquill created oxygen two million years ago.

If you believe in Funcapcadquill, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Funcapcadquill, she will turn you into a goat.

Funcapcadquill's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Funcapcadquill's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Funcapcadquill's priests.

2. Never think about moons.

3. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

4. Never wear purple scarves on sacred days.

5. Retreat if five manatees approach from the east.

Natwadsasflygadgub is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, impressive weasel.

Natwadsasflygadgub created the universe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Natwadsasflygadgub, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Natwadsasflygadgub, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Natwadsasflygadgub's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Natwadsasflygadgub's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Never go into black rooms.

3. Never remain prostrate at dawn.

4. Retreat if five grasshopers approach from the west.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Rattapgov is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, fussy raccoon.

Rattapgov created gold five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rattapgov, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Rattapgov, he will not care at all.

Rattapgov's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Rattapgov's Holy Commandments

1. Always store tomatoes above ground.

2. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not keep six cats in a large pit.

Milzagvad is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, narcissistic elephant.

Milzagvad created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Milzagvad, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Milzagvad, he will turn you into a rat.

Milzagvad's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Milzagvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of figs to tortoises while wearing magenta rings.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never write about solid mechanics.

4. Always treat great tits with great respect.

5. Never paint your head fawn.

Bangessgup Danjonfig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, contented squirrel.

Bangessgup Danjonfig created tapeworms eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bangessgup Danjonfig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bangessgup Danjonfig, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bangessgup Danjonfig's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Bangessgup Danjonfig's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bangessgup Danjonfig three times a day.

2. Never sing in the presence of elders.

3. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near otters while wearing purple dresses and balancing nine carbon spheres on your chest.