Yattbugveen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, prudent naga.

Yattbugveen created vertebrates five million years ago.

If you believe in Yattbugveen, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yattbugveen, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Yattbugveen's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Yattbugveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during spring.

2. Never feed peanuts to nematodes while wearing brown ear rings.

3. Never touch blood while unclean.

4. Do not consume lentils at dawn.

5. Always look after injured tortoises.

Lopzogfud is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, boastful beaver.

Lopzogfud created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopzogfud, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lopzogfud, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lopzogfud's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Lopzogfud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

2. Always remove trousers before entering holy places.

3. Never write about enzymes.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Never pour water over plants.

Funvinlog Fabomin is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, deceitful swan.

Funvinlog Fabomin created everything that exists eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Funvinlog Fabomin, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Funvinlog Fabomin, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Funvinlog Fabomin's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Funvinlog Fabomin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never allow great tits to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Never remain standing at midnight.

Largfedmin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, staggering pigeon.

Largfedmin created the world nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Largfedmin, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Largfedmin, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Largfedmin's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Largfedmin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never mix corn with oil.

Negfobbin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, stupid whale.

Negfobbin created the planet Earth four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Negfobbin, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Negfobbin, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Negfobbin's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Negfobbin's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.

2. Never point your head toward the south during prayer.

3. Never talk about dwarf planets.

4. Never curse while facing north.

5. You must never eat wheat.

Tagbognutt is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, dishonest goose.

Tagbognutt created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagbognutt, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tagbognutt, it will destroy your home solar system.

Tagbognutt's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Tagbognutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat grapes on holy days.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never gather six rats in one place.

4. Do not speak about lentils.

5. Do not place oranges upon stone.

Mattinont is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, strong chinchilla.

Mattinont created gold eight million years ago.

If you believe in Mattinont, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Mattinont, she will turn you into a goat.

Mattinont's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Mattinont's Holy Commandments

1. Always share bread with strangers, but never with sharks.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. You must pray to Mattinont nine times a day.

4. Never allow mites to witness sacred rites.

5. Never adorn your neck with purple markings.

Higtomyik is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, almighty crow.

Higtomyik created the Small Magellanic Cloud five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Higtomyik, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Higtomyik, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Higtomyik's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Higtomyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

2. Always treat pigs with great respect.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Do not place limes upon stone.