Pod is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, narcissistic cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Pod created oxygen two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pod, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Pod, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Pod's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Pod's Holy Commandments

1. Remain kneeling during prayer.

2. Never wear pink kilts.

3. Never paint your head blue.

4. Never eat bark.

5. You must love Pod.

Bimnignur is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, unthoughtful lion.

Bimnignur created the planet Earth two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bimnignur, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bimnignur, she will turn you into a sheep.

Bimnignur's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Bimnignur's Holy Commandments

1. Bimnignur loves eagles, so they must be respected.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Pray only in moonlight.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

5. Remain prostrate during prayer.

Gep is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, self-assured bird.

Gep created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gep, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gep, it will turn you into a mouse.

Gep's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Gep's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention eagles.

2. Never gather three badgers in one place.

3. Hide from indigo squirrels for they are unholy.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

Tongigzig is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, uncaring dingo.

Tongigzig created time and space seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tongigzig, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tongigzig, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Tongigzig's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Tongigzig's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear blue.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Never feed lots of onions to monkeys while wearing black coats.

5. Always count to six before sleeping.

Cablibfas is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, stupid salamander.

Cablibfas created the Sunflower Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cablibfas, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Cablibfas, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Cablibfas' most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Cablibfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

2. Always look after injured goats.

3. Do not contemplate special relativity during the night.

4. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Cablibfas in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never mark doors with turquoise.

Jipgofhamfen is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, tranquil naga.

Jipgofhamfen created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipgofhamfen, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jipgofhamfen, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Jipgofhamfen's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Jipgofhamfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Never gather four goats in one place.

3. Jipgofhamfen loves otters, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not place cucumbers upon stone.

5. Never mix tomatoes with blood.

Dissdanwigcat is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, self-confident dragonfly.

Dissdanwigcat created time and space five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dissdanwigcat, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dissdanwigcat, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Dissdanwigcat's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Dissdanwigcat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare garlic while filled with anger.

2. Always maintain patience during holy days.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near nematodes while wearing purple shirts.

4. Retreat if seven squirrels approach from the south.

5. Always remove shorts before touching iron.

Rapbusfod is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, almighty monkey.

Rapbusfod created a charm quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Rapbusfod, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Rapbusfod, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Rapbusfod's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Rapbusfod's Holy Commandments

1. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never pray while filled with fear.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Never curse while facing west.