Stafafbin is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, astonishing bird.

Stafafbin created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafafbin, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Stafafbin, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Stafafbin's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Stafafbin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Stafafbin's name in vain.

2. Do not hurt hamsters.

3. Never approach mountains carrying stone.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not travel during autumn.

Batbapxem is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, boastful goose.

Batbapxem created the planet Jupiter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batbapxem, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Batbapxem, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Batbapxem's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Batbapxem's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Batbapxem.

2. Never feed wheat to doves while wearing fawn trousers.

3. Always maintain humility during fasting days.

4. Always wash your back before prayer.

5. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

Lincitarn is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, stupid grasshopper.

Lincitarn created an atom four million years ago.

If you believe in Lincitarn, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lincitarn, she will turn you into a frog.

Lincitarn's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Lincitarn's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from yellow frogs, for they are unholy.

2. Do not contemplate gravity during the night.

3. Run away if three snakes approach from the west.

4. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

5. Do not wear coats marked with brown.

Nabnanster is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, charitable centaur.

Nabnanster created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Nabnanster, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nabnanster, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Nabnanster's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Nabnanster's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Pray only in darkness.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never cross forests at midnight.

Bitlarppit is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, benevolent wyrm.

Bitlarppit created carbon four million years ago.

If you believe in Bitlarppit, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bitlarppit, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Bitlarppit's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bitlarppit's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain ear rings during rituals.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bitlarppit.

3. Always help geese.

4. Never think about spacetime.

5. Never fashion tools from clay.

Ragbadpid is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, awesome jellyfish.

Ragbadpid created a down quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ragbadpid, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Ragbadpid, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Ragbadpid's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Ragbadpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into fawn rooms.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Ragbadpid.

5. Heed all signs.

Yarlbopfub is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, humane jaguar.

Yarlbopfub created humanity five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlbopfub, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Yarlbopfub, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Yarlbopfub's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Yarlbopfub's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never play with disobedient children.

Natgigyart is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, unselfish weasel.

Natgigyart created an up quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Natgigyart, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Natgigyart, he will boil you in a big pot.

Natgigyart's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Natgigyart's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove rings before entering holy places.

2. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Natgigyart in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

4. Never skip in the presence of elders.

5. Do not sprint at mountains.