Bugfarnbap is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, egotistical lion.

Bugfarnbap created the Small Magellanic Cloud eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bugfarnbap, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bugfarnbap, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Bugfarnbap's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Bugfarnbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never record names.

2. Do not resist chaos.

3. Learn six new languages a year.

4. Never sing in the presence of elders.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

Fetwatstaf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, generous cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Fetwatstaf created everything that exists five million years ago.

If you believe in Fetwatstaf, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fetwatstaf, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Fetwatstaf's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Fetwatstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white skirts.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never mention horses.

Manlogyok is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, narcissistic capybara.

Manlogyok created a down quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Manlogyok, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Manlogyok, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Manlogyok's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Manlogyok's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Heed all portents.

3. Never approach crossroads carrying stone.

4. Never think about optics near great tits while wearing purple ear rings and balancing three nickel spheres on your neck.

5. Always share lemons with strangers, but never with turtles.

Jabzigrot Rilyarp is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, competent penguin.

Jabzigrot Rilyarp created the world four million years ago.

If you believe in Jabzigrot Rilyarp, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jabzigrot Rilyarp, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Jabzigrot Rilyarp's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Jabzigrot Rilyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during summer.

2. Jabzigrot Rilyarp loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

3. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Worship no other gods but Jabzigrot Rilyarp.

Canparkdap is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, intelligent alligator.

Canparkdap created an atom three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Canparkdap, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Canparkdap, it will destroy your home planet.

Canparkdap's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Canparkdap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at bridges at dawn.

2. Do not step barefoot upon indigo earth.

3. Never go into black rooms.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

Dobham is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, idiotic gorilla.

Dobham created the Sunflower Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Dobham, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dobham, it will be very sad.

Dobham's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Dobham's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Dobham.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Feed all hungry sharks.

Tarpnulkon is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, blissful owl.

Tarpnulkon created everything that exists five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpnulkon, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tarpnulkon, she will manifest in front of you.

Tarpnulkon's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Tarpnulkon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never feed lots of lemons to geese while wearing turquoise shoes.

3. Always help sick grasshopers.

4. Never allow tortoises to witness sacred rites.

5. Never allow porpoises to sleep beneath your roof.

Ortstercet is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, self-confident goblin.

Ortstercet created an electron four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortstercet, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ortstercet, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Ortstercet's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Ortstercet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about cherries.

2. Never gather eight tapirs in one place.

3. Ortstercet loves whales, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not travel during autumn.

5. Do not bounce at forests.