Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, intelligent jellyfish.

Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart created dark matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never think about gravity near sheep while wearing brown hats and balancing four gold spheres on your face.

3. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Laggamvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, omniscient hippopotamus.

Laggamvonk created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Laggamvonk, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Laggamvonk, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Laggamvonk's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Laggamvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown ear rings.

2. Never speak at midnight.

3. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Do not take Laggamvonk's name in vain.

Cunpodpag is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, narcissistic wasp.

Cunpodpag created Europe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cunpodpag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cunpodpag, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cunpodpag's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Cunpodpag's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Cunpodpag.

2. Erect nine iron sculptures of Cunpodpag on top of important buildings.

3. Always act with purity when addressing children.

4. Do not contemplate quantum field theory during the night.

5. Never hop in holy places.

Ruttdonbess Damhadsidfarnmilflignuttgen is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, able hedgehog.

Ruttdonbess Damhadsidfarnmilflignuttgen created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Ruttdonbess Damhadsidfarnmilflignuttgen, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ruttdonbess Damhadsidfarnmilflignuttgen, it will turn you into a tree.

Ruttdonbess Damhadsidfarnmilflignuttgen's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Ruttdonbess Damhadsidfarnmilflignuttgen's Holy Commandments

1. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never hop in summer.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never feed gooseberries to doves while wearing mauve ear rings.

5. Always share spinach with strangers, but never with goats.

Guppogtadqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, contented gnu.

Guppogtadqueeg created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Guppogtadqueeg, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Guppogtadqueeg, she will turn you into a rat.

Guppogtadqueeg's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Guppogtadqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Guppogtadqueeg must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Guppogtadqueeg loves eagles, so they must be honoured.

4. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Guppogtadqueeg in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory.

Toftapwon is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, merciless centaur.

Toftapwon created dark energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Toftapwon, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Toftapwon, it will turn you into a goat.

Toftapwon's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Toftapwon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Hide if four otters approach from the west.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near foxes while wearing green shoes and balancing eight silicon spheres on your legs.

4. Do not hurt bats.

5. Do not contemplate spacetime during the night.

Jipflis is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, blissful cow.

Jipflis created humankind nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jipflis, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Jipflis, it will turn you into a puffin.

Jipflis' most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Jipflis' Holy Commandments

1. Always store beans above ground.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jipflis.

4. Jipflis loves otters, so they must be honoured.

5. Never gather eight great tits near doors.

Sigdissand is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, competent elephant.

Sigdissand created dark matter two years ago.

If you believe in Sigdissand, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sigdissand, she will destroy your home planet.

Sigdissand's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Sigdissand's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Sigdissand's priests.

2. Pray only in moonlight.

3. Always look after injured dolphins.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never think about dark energy near whales while wearing cyan shorts and balancing three silicon spheres on your feet.