Fosstofjan is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, sapient elephant.

Fosstofjan created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fosstofjan, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fosstofjan, she will turn you into a sheep.

Fosstofjan's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Fosstofjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always remove shirts before entering holy places.

Fobkenhon is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, stupid lobster.

Fobkenhon created the cosmos seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fobkenhon, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fobkenhon, she will be very unhappy.

Fobkenhon's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Fobkenhon's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

2. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

3. Never eat rice on fasting days.

4. Never cross crossroads at dawn.

5. Never paint your chest green.

Tailmonzig Govjinlop is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unselfish warg.

Tailmonzig Govjinlop created dark energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tailmonzig Govjinlop, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tailmonzig Govjinlop, she will be very sad.

Tailmonzig Govjinlop's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Tailmonzig Govjinlop's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark matter.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Do not step barefoot upon white earth.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Always treat otters with great respect.

Libdissman is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, irritating snake.

Libdissman created the Sun four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Libdissman, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Libdissman, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Libdissman's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Libdissman's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

2. Never mark doors with purple.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never eat peanuts on fasting days.

5. Do not keep six rats in a large pit.

Moncebkan Stragfodfen is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, awe-inspiring goose.

Moncebkan Stragfodfen created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Moncebkan Stragfodfen, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Moncebkan Stragfodfen, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Moncebkan Stragfodfen's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Moncebkan Stragfodfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not take Moncebkan Stragfodfen's name in vain.

3. Moncebkan Stragfodfen loves badgers, so they must be respected.

4. Never stain your arms with yellow.

5. Never handle titanium while unclean.

Gednigpop is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, benevolent butterfly.

Gednigpop created a Higgs boson two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gednigpop, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gednigpop, it will curse you with boils.

Gednigpop's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Gednigpop's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured monkeys.

2. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

Quatrowfag is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, loving hippopotamus.

Quatrowfag created a quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatrowfag, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quatrowfag, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Quatrowfag's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Quatrowfag's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no cats in a room before entering it.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never speak at midday.

4. Never wear blue tights.

5. Erect seven tin sculptures of Quatrowfag on top of important buildings.

Sasnigtin is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, witless shark.

Sasnigtin created the planet Jupiter four million years ago.

If you believe in Sasnigtin, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sasnigtin, he will turn you into a slug.

Sasnigtin's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Sasnigtin's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dusk.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never hop in holy places.

4. Never feed lots of gooseberries to snails while wearing turquoise dresses.

5. Never record signs.