Jinfoddobstaf is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, ill-tempered donkey.

Jinfoddobstaf created the world seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jinfoddobstaf, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jinfoddobstaf, she will send you a sign.

Jinfoddobstaf's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Jinfoddobstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured cats.

2. Pray only in firelight.

3. Never skip in winter.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Erect six carbon sculptures of Jinfoddobstaf on top of important buildings.

Bonyattnulmut is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, overgenerous otter.

Bonyattnulmut created the planet Earth seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonyattnulmut, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bonyattnulmut, he will strike you with lightening.

Bonyattnulmut's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Bonyattnulmut's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not resist chaos.

3. Heed all visions.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always wear plain shorts during rituals.

Rowjamwig is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, staggering mouse.

Rowjamwig created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Rowjamwig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Rowjamwig, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Rowjamwig's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Rowjamwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit at mountains.

2. Always help sick tortoises.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not wear scarves marked with green.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

Zanhaksat is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, two-faced dog.

Zanhaksat created a quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zanhaksat, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zanhaksat, she will turn you into a mole.

Zanhaksat's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Zanhaksat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always look after injured rats.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near snails while wearing mauve shirts.

4. Never approach mountains carrying bone.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

Davanrag is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, almighty wombat.

Davanrag created parasitic wasps six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Davanrag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Davanrag, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Davanrag's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Davanrag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never pray while filled with pride.

3. Do not wear mauve clothing.

4. Heed all dreams.

5. Always help ants.

Sigjigtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, strong tapir.

Sigjigtaf created Asia seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sigjigtaf, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Sigjigtaf, he will not care at all.

Sigjigtaf's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Sigjigtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics.

2. Always remove kilts before touching iron.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always act with patience when addressing children.

5. Never point your arms toward the north during prayer.

Rot is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, ill-tempered raven.

Rot created the cosmos seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Rot, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Rot, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Rot's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Rot's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain standing at dawn.

2. Never handle copper while unclean.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Heed all portents.

5. Always help goats in need.

Gepflowmob is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonest crab.

Gepflowmob created humanity three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gepflowmob, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gepflowmob, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Gepflowmob's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Gepflowmob's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all dreams.

2. Never fashion tools from wood.

3. Never allow nematodes to witness sacred rites.

4. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

5. Never discuss enzymes in public assemblies.