Biffagcun is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, almighty cow.

Biffagcun created the Andromeda Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Biffagcun, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Biffagcun, he will refuse to believe in you.

Biffagcun's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Biffagcun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of dark energy near sacred fires.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

4. Always store garlic above ground.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

Cubsterwiglag is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, two-faced seal.

Cubsterwiglag created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cubsterwiglag, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cubsterwiglag, she will turn you into a slug.

Cubsterwiglag's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Cubsterwiglag's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Cubsterwiglag.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always store coconuts above ground.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

Pidgomdon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, two-faced bee.

Pidgomdon created the Andromeda Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pidgomdon, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pidgomdon, he will turn you into a sheep.

Pidgomdon's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Pidgomdon's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to vanity.

2. Never approach rivers carrying clay.

3. Never allow tapirs to witness sacred rites.

4. Always count to nine before sleeping.

5. Do not stand on grass.

Jopgeb is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, vain dryad.

Jopgeb created the universe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopgeb, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jopgeb, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Jopgeb's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Jopgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always count to three before sleeping.

5. Always act with obedience when addressing children.

Babcebsat is a god.

He takes the form of a small, temperamental pig.

Babcebsat created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Babcebsat, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Babcebsat, he will manifest in front of you.

Babcebsat's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Babcebsat's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the east during spring.

2. Always look after injured gulls.

3. Always act with patience when addressing priests.

4. Never wear violet tights on sacred days.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Wityamrak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, idiotic cow.

Wityamrak created energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Wityamrak, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Wityamrak, she will turn you into a mole.

Wityamrak's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Wityamrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt otters.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching tin.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Wityamrak must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not drink alcohol.

Nuttxemcim is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, emotional spider.

Nuttxemcim created an up quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nuttxemcim, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nuttxemcim, it will turn you into a frog.

Nuttxemcim's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Nuttxemcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about thermodynamics.

2. Never mention bats.

3. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

4. Do not wear kilts marked with brown.

5. Always remove rings before touching titanium.

Bastmadpib is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, unfair raccoon.

Bastmadpib created the Cigar Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastmadpib, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bastmadpib, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bastmadpib's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Bastmadpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dawn.

2. Never wear violet skirts.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Remain kneeling during prayer.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.