Nutkamcum is a god.

She takes the form of a large, tiresome capybara.

Nutkamcum created light six million years ago.

If you believe in Nutkamcum, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nutkamcum, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Nutkamcum's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Nutkamcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during autumn.

2. Never wear black rings on sacred days.

3. Never paint your legs purple.

4. Do not shave your chest.

5. Never talk about moths.

Wanyarlyat is a god.

He takes the form of a small, unfair naga.

Wanyarlyat created the planet Venus four years ago.

If you believe in Wanyarlyat, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wanyarlyat, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Wanyarlyat's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Wanyarlyat's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Wanyarlyat.

2. Never skip in the presence of sheep.

3. Never proclaim while facing north.

4. Always cleanse oil with water.

5. Never sprint near goats.

Tingetzog is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, two-faced dragon.

Tingetzog created the planet Venus two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tingetzog, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tingetzog, it will throw large rocks at you.

Tingetzog's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Tingetzog's Holy Commandments

1. Tingetzog loves birds, so they must be honoured.

2. Never speak aloud of signs.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never remain standing at midday.

Jonxucrutt is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, boastful clam.

Jonxucrutt created the Milkyway nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonxucrutt, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jonxucrutt, it will not care.

Jonxucrutt's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Jonxucrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of elders.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never handle tin while unclean.

4. Do not wear yellow clothing.

5. Never go into black rooms.

Kenmil is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, staggering butterfly.

Kenmil created Asia three million years ago.

If you believe in Kenmil, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Kenmil, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Kenmil's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Kenmil's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to sloth.

2. Never mark doors with green.

3. Never speak of fate in the presence of children.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Always wash your feet before prayer.

Pomjatvilcinwatkap is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, quiet clam.

Pomjatvilcinwatkap created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pomjatvilcinwatkap, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Pomjatvilcinwatkap, it will turn you into a frog.

Pomjatvilcinwatkap's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Pomjatvilcinwatkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross mountains at dawn.

2. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

3. Never prepare grapes during winter.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Do not stand on grass.

Xucnabcar is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, competent meerkat.

Xucnabcar created the Tadpole Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucnabcar, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Xucnabcar, it will manifest in front of you.

Xucnabcar's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Xucnabcar's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always wash your face before prayer.

4. Never feed cucumbers to swans while wearing green stockings.

5. Do not speak about turnips.

Teenquamlab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, irritating alligator.

Teenquamlab created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenquamlab, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Teenquamlab, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Teenquamlab's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Teenquamlab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Teenquamlab in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never speak of balance in the presence of children.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not speak about wheat.

5. Never mention manatees.