Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, all-powerful mongoose.

Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag created carbon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Zanlarpmab Stafmadquag Tonkbugspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics.

2. Never carve symbols of stars into wood.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Always look after injured dogs.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

Dimcedhog is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, ill-tempered toad.

Dimcedhog created a charm quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dimcedhog, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Dimcedhog, it will not care.

Dimcedhog's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Dimcedhog's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Dimcedhog in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never stain your head with gray.

4. Do not speak of the strong nuclear force near sacred fires.

5. Do not wear blue clothing.

Hengatyarp is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, self-assured bear.

Hengatyarp created the Sol system four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hengatyarp, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hengatyarp, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Hengatyarp's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Hengatyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Hengatyarp in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not record signs concerning asteroids.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near aardvarks while wearing green shirts and balancing three iron spheres on your face.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not consume lentils at dawn.

Dissadfon is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, resourceful grasshopper.

Dissadfon created the Whirlpool Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Dissadfon, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dissadfon, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Dissadfon's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Dissadfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear yellow tights on sacred days.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never hurt tortoises.

5. Never allow sharks to sleep beneath your roof.

Kimrakmin is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, tranquil grasshopper.

Kimrakmin created the Black Eye Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Kimrakmin, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kimrakmin, she will turn you into a puffin.

Kimrakmin's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Kimrakmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the north during autumn.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never feed carrots to swans while wearing cyan kilts.

5. Always wash your hands before prayer.

Rancedgumfen is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, moody jackal.

Rancedgumfen created the Small Magellanic Cloud six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rancedgumfen, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Rancedgumfen, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Rancedgumfen's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Rancedgumfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of balance in the presence of children.

2. Never speak at dawn.

3. Heed all portents.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never play with disobedient children.

Sitmadhak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, able walrus.

Sitmadhak created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sitmadhak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sitmadhak, he will send you a sign.

Sitmadhak's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Sitmadhak's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt ducks.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never mark doors with white.

5. Never record names.

Hanflagxemkim is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, awe-inspiring chicken.

Hanflagxemkim created vertebrates three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanflagxemkim, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hanflagxemkim, she will laugh at you.

Hanflagxemkim's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Hanflagxemkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching lead.

2. Never mention otters.

3. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

4. Pray only in firelight.

5. Never look in ponds.