Quatgessmin is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, emotional grasshopper.

Quatgessmin created the planet Jupiter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatgessmin, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quatgessmin, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Quatgessmin's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Quatgessmin's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not kill horses.

3. Do not hurt grasshopers.

4. Always help sick tortoises.

5. Respect your elders.

Hakstercab is a god.

She takes the form of a small, wise raccoon.

Hakstercab created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakstercab, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Hakstercab, she will boil you in a big pot.

Hakstercab's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Hakstercab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near grasshopers while wearing brown trousers and balancing six platinum spheres on your neck.

2. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Hakstercab in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always share bread with strangers, but never with gulls.

Dinweejin is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, quiet scorpion.

Dinweejin created time and space eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dinweejin, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dinweejin, he will boil you in a big pot.

Dinweejin's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Dinweejin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dinweejin.

3. Pray only in darkness.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never approach mountains carrying ash.

Sogdusskimhug is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, awe-inspiring guinea pig.

Sogdusskimhug created an atom four years ago.

If you believe in Sogdusskimhug, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Sogdusskimhug, she will send you a sign.

Sogdusskimhug's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Sogdusskimhug's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at wells at midday.

2. Never gather eight doves near doors.

3. Never speak aloud of secrets.

4. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

5. Never adorn your feet with fawn markings.

Hinnurrow Kingovbast is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, effective manatee.

Hinnurrow Kingovbast created humankind six million years ago.

If you believe in Hinnurrow Kingovbast, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hinnurrow Kingovbast, he will turn you into a mole.

Hinnurrow Kingovbast's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Hinnurrow Kingovbast's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat onions.

2. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

3. Always help bats.

4. Hinnurrow Kingovbast loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

5. Never handle lead while unclean.

Habnullmat is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unjust raven.

Habnullmat created the Sun nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Habnullmat, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Habnullmat, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Habnullmat's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Habnullmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat parsnips.

2. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always help aardvarks.

5. Do not prepare garlic while filled with anger.

Farnpidhad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, ruthless dragon.

Farnpidhad created humanity nine million years ago.

If you believe in Farnpidhad, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Farnpidhad, he will not care at all.

Farnpidhad's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Farnpidhad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Farnpidhad in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never feed turnips to hamsters while wearing ear rings.

Kingebnil is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, staggering manatee.

Kingebnil created the Large Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kingebnil, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kingebnil, she will not invite you to parties.

Kingebnil's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Kingebnil's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat cherries.

2. Do not hop in public.

3. Never remain prostrate at dawn.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.