Dabhotcum is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, awesome warg.

Dabhotcum created the Large Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dabhotcum, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dabhotcum, she will turn you into a hamster.

Dabhotcum's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Dabhotcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle nickel while unclean.

2. Do not study chromosomes on holy days.

3. Never write about solid mechanics.

4. Do not sprint in public.

5. Do not take Dabhotcum's name in vain.

Cansinlog is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, conceited hippopotamus.

Cansinlog created the solar system four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cansinlog, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Cansinlog, it will turn you into a puffin.

Cansinlog's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Cansinlog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat peas on fasting days.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

4. Remain standing during prayer.

5. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Cansinlog on top of all buildings.

Faggemappwod Arpfarfem is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, emotional aardvark.

Faggemappwod Arpfarfem created the planet Saturn four years ago.

If you believe in Faggemappwod Arpfarfem, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Faggemappwod Arpfarfem, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Faggemappwod Arpfarfem's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Faggemappwod Arpfarfem's Holy Commandments

1. Faggemappwod Arpfarfem must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never talk about moons.

5. Always count to five before sleeping.

Dossinfig is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, intelligent squid.

Dossinfig created the planet Mars four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dossinfig, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Dossinfig, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Dossinfig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Dossinfig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.

2. Never wear cyan tights.

3. Do not consume tomatoes at dawn.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never write about comets.

Dapbitlik Zenbumquat is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, grumpy hyena.

Dapbitlik Zenbumquat created the Sombrero Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Dapbitlik Zenbumquat, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dapbitlik Zenbumquat, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Dapbitlik Zenbumquat's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Dapbitlik Zenbumquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of dolphins.

2. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

5. Always take life seriously.

Jamgutbem Mabbimarm is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, amazing wyrm.

Jamgutbem Mabbimarm created Europe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamgutbem Mabbimarm, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jamgutbem Mabbimarm, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Jamgutbem Mabbimarm's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Jamgutbem Mabbimarm's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never think about asteroids.

3. Never whisper while facing south.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not keep four swans in a large pit.

Jigtalab is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, merciless ant.

Jigtalab created the planet Earth nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jigtalab, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jigtalab, it will torture you forever.

Jigtalab's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Jigtalab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Do not hurt pigs.

5. Jigtalab must be the most important thing in your life.

Fotleglam Pitlenster is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, ruthless mink.

Fotleglam Pitlenster created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotleglam Pitlenster, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fotleglam Pitlenster, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fotleglam Pitlenster's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Fotleglam Pitlenster's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach forests carrying stone.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Worship no other gods but Fotleglam Pitlenster.

4. Do not chant at crossroads.

5. Never fashion tools from ash.