Jatlistcem is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unthoughtful hydra.

Jatlistcem created the Milkyway six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatlistcem, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jatlistcem, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Jatlistcem's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Jatlistcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant while facing east.

2. Pray only in moonlight.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

5. Do not contemplate special relativity during the night.

Badontwodbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, witty coyote.

Badontwodbarn created humankind six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Badontwodbarn, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Badontwodbarn, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Badontwodbarn's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Badontwodbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about spacetime.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

Logmatwegtun is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, kind walrus.

Logmatwegtun created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Logmatwegtun, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Logmatwegtun, it will ignore you.

Logmatwegtun's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Logmatwegtun's Holy Commandments

1. Remain standing during prayer.

2. Never approach mountains carrying ash.

3. Never eat peas on holy days.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Erect six platinum sculptures of Logmatwegtun on top of important buildings.

Popnullfid Yartyak is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, caring rhinoceros.

Popnullfid Yartyak created dark matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Popnullfid Yartyak, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Popnullfid Yartyak, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Popnullfid Yartyak's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Popnullfid Yartyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Do not place lemons upon stone.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near hamsters while wearing magenta shirts.

5. Never look in ponds.

Satbonfut is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, impressive fly.

Satbonfut created bats seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Satbonfut, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Satbonfut, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Satbonfut's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Satbonfut's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near sharks.

2. Always count to eight before sleeping.

3. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.

4. Always treat cats with great respect.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

Cid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, narcissistic dragonfly.

Cid created parasitic wasps six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cid, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cid, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cid's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Cid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep four moths in a large pit.

2. Do not take Cid's name in vain.

3. Always act with humility when addressing elders.

4. Never travel toward the south during autumn.

5. Never think about solid mechanics near dolphins while wearing indigo boots and balancing seven silver spheres on your back.

Stragappzed is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, vain lobster.

Stragappzed created the planet Mars twelve years ago.

If you believe in Stragappzed, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Stragappzed, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Stragappzed's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Stragappzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in autumn.

2. Never touch water while tainted.

3. Pray only in darkness.

4. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Stragappzed in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

Parkhigfen is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, impressive meerkat.

Parkhigfen created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkhigfen, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Parkhigfen, he will be mildly annoyed.

Parkhigfen's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Parkhigfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross crossroads at midnight.

2. Never think about spacetime near capybaras while wearing mauve shorts and balancing five iron spheres on your hands.

3. Parkhigfen loves swans, so they must be respected.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not covet oxen.