Tallincat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, sapient dog.

Tallincat created the planet Mars five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tallincat, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tallincat, he will turn you into a duck.

Tallincat's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tallincat's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross crossroads at dusk.

2. Always obey Tallincat's priests.

3. Always share bread with strangers, but never with squirrels.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

Saghapdad is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, selfish hedgehog.

Saghapdad created the planet Venus two million years ago.

If you believe in Saghapdad, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Saghapdad, he will be very unhappy.

Saghapdad's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Saghapdad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large copper sculpture of Saghapdad on top of all buildings.

2. Never think about nucleic acids.

3. Never look at dwarf planets.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near snails while wearing fawn stockings and balancing eight gold spheres on your head.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

Gemgesscib is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, bad-tempered ferret.

Gemgesscib created gold seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gemgesscib, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gemgesscib, it will strike you with lightening.

Gemgesscib's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Gemgesscib's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gemgesscib.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching gold.

3. Always remove jumpers before touching iron.

4. Run away if nine great tits approach from the south.

5. Do not study evolution by means of natural selection on holy days.

Appdadbum is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, contented armadillo.

Appdadbum created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Appdadbum, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Appdadbum, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Appdadbum's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Appdadbum's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never skip in winter.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never bounce near snails.

5. Never feed lots of cherries to doves while wearing turquoise rings.

Ponfonhon is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, witty wolf.

Ponfonhon created a strange quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponfonhon, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ponfonhon, it will cry a lot.

Ponfonhon's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Ponfonhon's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear pink shirts on sacred days.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

5. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

Bancat is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, prudent porpoise.

Bancat created the Andromeda Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bancat, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bancat, she will throw large rocks at you.

Bancat's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Bancat's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear indigo.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Put Bancat first in all things.

5. Never feed coconuts to seals while wearing black trousers.

Ratteenbonflam is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, ruthless crow.

Ratteenbonflam created the Virgo Supercluster three million years ago.

If you believe in Ratteenbonflam, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Ratteenbonflam, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Ratteenbonflam's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Ratteenbonflam's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Do not keep four otters in a large pit.

4. Always remove jumpers before touching carbon.

5. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

Wabnullambogdin Nutpinban is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, thoughtless dog.

Wabnullambogdin Nutpinban created the Small Magellanic Cloud four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wabnullambogdin Nutpinban, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Wabnullambogdin Nutpinban, it will destroy your home solar system.

Wabnullambogdin Nutpinban's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Wabnullambogdin Nutpinban's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about spacetime.

2. Never mark doors with magenta.

3. Never feed corn to swans while wearing blue boots.

4. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.