Pakligmut is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omniscient camel.

Pakligmut created vertebrates twelve years ago.

If you believe in Pakligmut, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Pakligmut, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Pakligmut's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Pakligmut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon pink earth.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not shave your chest.

Zigjaphan Hassawren Hasbigcet is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unselfish clam.

Zigjaphan Hassawren Hasbigcet created an up quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigjaphan Hassawren Hasbigcet, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Zigjaphan Hassawren Hasbigcet, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Zigjaphan Hassawren Hasbigcet's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Zigjaphan Hassawren Hasbigcet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not skip at rivers.

3. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Zigjaphan Hassawren Hasbigcet in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never bounce in the presence of manatees.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near sheep while wearing magenta shorts and balancing five silicon spheres on your chest.

Bodgut is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, charitable parrot.

Bodgut created bats five million years ago.

If you believe in Bodgut, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bodgut, it will turn you into a tree.

Bodgut's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Bodgut's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

2. Never write about eukaryotes.

3. Do not prepare garlic while wearing shorts.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always take life seriously.

Bapcumwot is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, benevolent wren.

Bapcumwot created the planet Jupiter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bapcumwot, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Bapcumwot, he will not care.

Bapcumwot's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Bapcumwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair gray.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. You must never eat peas.

4. Never go into orange rooms.

5. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

Stanpak Yarpvinquill is a god.

She takes the form of a small, generous newt.

Stanpak Yarpvinquill created silver three billion years ago.

If you believe in Stanpak Yarpvinquill, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Stanpak Yarpvinquill, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Stanpak Yarpvinquill's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Stanpak Yarpvinquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant while facing west.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Stanpak Yarpvinquill.

3. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

4. Shun those given to sloth.

5. Heed all portents.

Cimstragapp is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid deer.

Cimstragapp created viruses two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cimstragapp, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Cimstragapp, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Cimstragapp's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Cimstragapp's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Put Cimstragapp first in all things.

3. Never speak aloud of names.

4. Always help swans.

5. Cimstragapp loves moths, so they must be honoured.

Hundodyar is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, almighty otter.

Hundodyar created Mount Everest three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hundodyar, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hundodyar, she will send minions to preach to you.

Hundodyar's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Hundodyar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after monkeys.

2. Never allow tapirs to witness sacred rites.

3. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

4. Retreat if four turtles approach from the south.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Fodhonfum is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, staggering grasshopper.

Fodhonfum created humanity four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fodhonfum, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fodhonfum, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fodhonfum's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Fodhonfum's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear yellow.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always wash your feet before prayer.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.