Podvabtimwan is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, annoying coyote.

Podvabtimwan created an up quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Podvabtimwan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Podvabtimwan, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Podvabtimwan's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Podvabtimwan's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

3. Never allow dolphins to witness sacred rites.

4. Never talk about gravity near cats while wearing white shorts and balancing six silver spheres on your legs.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

Ratnulbonk Yimtenfarn is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, happy fly.

Ratnulbonk Yimtenfarn created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Ratnulbonk Yimtenfarn, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ratnulbonk Yimtenfarn, it will boil you in a big pot.

Ratnulbonk Yimtenfarn's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Ratnulbonk Yimtenfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Erect five silicon sculptures of Ratnulbonk Yimtenfarn on top of important buildings.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

5. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

Miprendosslikdot is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, omniscient cow.

Miprendosslikdot created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Miprendosslikdot, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Miprendosslikdot, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Miprendosslikdot's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Miprendosslikdot's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove coats before entering holy places.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.

3. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never write about planets.

Volnabcat is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, sage hippopotamus.

Volnabcat created the Whirlpool Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Volnabcat, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Volnabcat, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Volnabcat's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Volnabcat's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to six before sleeping.

2. Never sprint in winter.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in violet.

4. Do not contemplate the strong nuclear force during the night.

5. Always look after injured whales.

Dinbestbed is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, conceited swan.

Dinbestbed created a photon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dinbestbed, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dinbestbed, she will send minions to preach to you.

Dinbestbed's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Dinbestbed's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Dinbestbed.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Hide if seven doves approach from the north.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

Meghimsas is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, ruthless newt.

Meghimsas created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Meghimsas, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Meghimsas, she will turn you into a rock.

Meghimsas' most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Meghimsas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not prepare aubergines while filled with pride.

5. Do not fashion tools from aluminium.

Lapwabcepcuss is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, uncaring hippopotamus.

Lapwabcepcuss created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapwabcepcuss, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lapwabcepcuss, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lapwabcepcuss' most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Lapwabcepcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four mice approach from the east.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never feed peanuts to hamsters while wearing jumpers.

4. Never think about photosynthesis.

5. Always obey Lapwabcepcuss' priests.

Haddudcap is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, sapient zebra.

Haddudcap created a top quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Haddudcap, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Haddudcap, she will not care.

Haddudcap's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Haddudcap's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain scarves during rituals.

2. Always look after injured whales.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

5. Always act with humility.