Omthonweg is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, vain wasp.

Omthonweg created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Omthonweg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Omthonweg, she will curse you with boils.

Omthonweg's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Omthonweg's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Omthonweg's priests.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Omthonweg.

3. Heed all portents.

4. Learn five new languages a year.

5. Never mark doors with violet.

Gebyarthonflat is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, grumpy warg.

Gebyarthonflat created the Virgo Supercluster five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gebyarthonflat, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gebyarthonflat, she will refuse to believe in you.

Gebyarthonflat's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Gebyarthonflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix gooseberries with blood.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never feed peas to rats while wearing trousers.

Tigmipman is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, awesome goat.

Tigmipman created the Sun seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigmipman, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tigmipman, he will turn you into a goat.

Tigmipman's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Tigmipman's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your back with black.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Gulls are not to be trusted.

4. Run away from turquoise pigs, for they are unholy.

5. Hide from yellow birds for they are unholy.

Yarlcatkam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, narcissistic squirrel.

Yarlcatkam created the planet Saturn four years ago.

If you believe in Yarlcatkam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yarlcatkam, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Yarlcatkam's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Yarlcatkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at bridges at dusk.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Yarlcatkam on top of all buildings.

3. Never think ill of sick mice.

4. Never eat lemons on holy days.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.

Tunquimkenfemmippibstrag is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, clever scorpion.

Tunquimkenfemmippibstrag created the Small Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tunquimkenfemmippibstrag, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tunquimkenfemmippibstrag, she will destroy your favourite star.

Tunquimkenfemmippibstrag's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Tunquimkenfemmippibstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist fate.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not skip at crossroads.

4. Always remove shoes before touching tin.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

Nurwitcuss is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, cheerful mongoose.

Nurwitcuss created the Tadpole Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Nurwitcuss, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Nurwitcuss, it will be very unhappy.

Nurwitcuss' most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Nurwitcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shirts.

2. Never sit in the presence of monkeys.

3. Pray only in shadows.

4. Do not wear skirts marked with cyan.

5. Never cross crossroads at midday.

Zodnatzog is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unthinking dog.

Zodnatzog created the Small Magellanic Cloud five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zodnatzog, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zodnatzog, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Zodnatzog's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Zodnatzog's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Do not kill ducks.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never talk about nucleic acids.

5. Never travel toward the north during winter.

Litdangun is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, selfish owl.

Litdangun created the planet Mars four million years ago.

If you believe in Litdangun, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Litdangun, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Litdangun's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Litdangun's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

3. Never speak aloud of signs.

4. Never gather five frogs in one place.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.