Febkabcudjonvonkhug is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, almighty dugong.

Febkabcudjonvonkhug created Europe four years ago.

If you believe in Febkabcudjonvonkhug, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Febkabcudjonvonkhug, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Febkabcudjonvonkhug's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Febkabcudjonvonkhug's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at walls at midday.

2. Never hurt swans.

3. Never approach rivers carrying bone.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never gather three otters near doors.

Afcuddub is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, passionate wren.

Afcuddub created an atom five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Afcuddub, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Afcuddub, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Afcuddub's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Afcuddub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt birds.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Afcuddub.

5. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

Fobominfud is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, irritating slug.

Fobominfud created an electron eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fobominfud, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fobominfud, it will torture you forever.

Fobominfud's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Fobominfud's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Fobominfud.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fobominfud.

3. Never record secrets.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Never handle iron while unclean.

Veenwod is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, omnipotent rhinoceros.

Veenwod created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Veenwod, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Veenwod, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Veenwod's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Veenwod's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near geese while wearing black coats.

3. Never touch ash while blessed.

4. Do not prepare lemons while filled with joy.

5. Always pray immersed in water.

Gemcubnell is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, benevolent mongoose.

Gemcubnell created the planet Saturn seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemcubnell, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gemcubnell, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gemcubnell's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Gemcubnell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist balance.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near aardvarks while wearing yellow hats.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching zinc.

4. Do not leap at mountains.

5. Never allow whales to sleep beneath your roof.

Labzentam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, effective elephant.

Labzentam created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Labzentam, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Labzentam, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Labzentam's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Labzentam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

3. Always wear blue.

4. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Labzentam in the centre of the settlement.

5. Respect your elders.

Quillxuckzag is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, irritating raccoon.

Quillxuckzag created the planet Saturn three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quillxuckzag, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quillxuckzag, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Quillxuckzag's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Quillxuckzag's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Quillxuckzag three times a day.

2. Never chant in winter.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not chop down trees.

Kabhonbafhun is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, moody monkey.

Kabhonbafhun created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabhonbafhun, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kabhonbafhun, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Kabhonbafhun's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Kabhonbafhun's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

3. Kabhonbafhun loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

4. Never gather three whales near bridges.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.