Hatmumcet is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, witty mongoose.

Hatmumcet created the planet Saturn eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatmumcet, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hatmumcet, it will strike you with lightening.

Hatmumcet's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Hatmumcet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not hurt cats.

3. Never speak aloud of names.

4. Never look at nebulae.

5. Never remain kneeling at dusk.

Nulgubweg is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, confident badger.

Nulgubweg created the Sombrero Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nulgubweg, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nulgubweg, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Nulgubweg's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Nulgubweg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from indigo mites for they are unholy.

2. Always maintain patience during holy days.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never feed lots of parsnips to hamsters while wearing purple shoes.

5. Never approach rivers carrying bone.

Gupbonjam is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, intelligent spider.

Gupbonjam created the universe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gupbonjam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gupbonjam, it will manifest in front of you.

Gupbonjam's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Gupbonjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump at crossroads.

2. Remain kneeling during prayer.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

4. Do not gather at wells at midnight.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.

Kapbestfod is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, moody coyote.

Kapbestfod created a quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapbestfod, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kapbestfod, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kapbestfod's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Kapbestfod's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not study bacteria on holy days.

4. You must never eat grapes.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Cenkomgebgof is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, benevolent lobster.

Cenkomgebgof created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cenkomgebgof, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Cenkomgebgof, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cenkomgebgof's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Cenkomgebgof's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Cenkomgebgof in the centre of the settlement.

2. Heed all signs.

3. Never hurt whales.

4. Never wear black skirts.

5. Always wash your hands before prayer.

Donhakpon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, ruthless zebra.

Donhakpon created time and space six billion years ago.

If you believe in Donhakpon, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Donhakpon, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Donhakpon's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Donhakpon's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain humility during holy days.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. You must love Donhakpon.

4. Always remove dresses before entering holy places.

5. Never think about solid mechanics near sheep while wearing brown hats and balancing four nickel spheres on your back.

Begbugvid is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, egotistical wombat.

Begbugvid created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Begbugvid, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Begbugvid, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Begbugvid's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Begbugvid's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

5. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

Haknarlsakzig is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, overgenerous slug.

Haknarlsakzig created the Sun seven million years ago.

If you believe in Haknarlsakzig, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Haknarlsakzig, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Haknarlsakzig's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Haknarlsakzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your face toward the south during prayer.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never travel toward the east during spring.

4. Remain prostrate during prayer.

5. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Haknarlsakzig in the centre of the settlement.