Rutkadmut is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, tranquil dog.

Rutkadmut created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rutkadmut, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Rutkadmut, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Rutkadmut's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Rutkadmut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime.

2. Do not dye your hair cyan.

3. Always count to nine before sleeping.

4. Rutkadmut must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never wear white dresses.

Cennarlkem is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unthoughtful bird.

Cennarlkem created the Sol system three billion years ago.

If you believe in Cennarlkem, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cennarlkem, she will not care at all.

Cennarlkem's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Cennarlkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Never go into mauve rooms.

3. Never bounce in the presence of monkeys.

4. Do not eat coconuts.

5. Do not shave your feet.

Sassagdum is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, awe-inspiring eagle.

Sassagdum created an atom three million years ago.

If you believe in Sassagdum, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Sassagdum, it will refuse to believe in you.

Sassagdum's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Sassagdum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never talk about sharks.

3. Never speak at dusk.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

Futrutmip is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, astonishing bird.

Futrutmip created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futrutmip, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Futrutmip, she will turn you into a goat.

Futrutmip's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Futrutmip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always remove shirts before entering holy places.

3. Do not speak about lemons.

4. Do not place spinach upon stone.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.

Nilgabmob is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, thoughtless unicorn.

Nilgabmob created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilgabmob, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nilgabmob, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nilgabmob's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Nilgabmob's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near shrews.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near snails while wearing white shorts and balancing seven tin spheres on your neck.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never go into brown rooms.

Ligcebstan is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, calm cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Ligcebstan created a strange quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Ligcebstan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ligcebstan, she will jump up and down on your head.

Ligcebstan's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Ligcebstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare tomatoes while filled with envy.

2. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate swans.

5. Never think about comets.

Kamfetbiss is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, fast rat.

Kamfetbiss created the Sombrero Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Kamfetbiss, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kamfetbiss, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Kamfetbiss' most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Kamfetbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing children.

2. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a building before entering it.

3. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near grasshopers while wearing green dresses and balancing six zinc spheres on your head.

5. Always remove jumpers before touching copper.

Cusslegbigstig is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, humane meerkat.

Cusslegbigstig created an electron four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cusslegbigstig, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cusslegbigstig, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Cusslegbigstig's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Cusslegbigstig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick sheep.

2. Do not prepare gooseberries while filled with fear.

3. Do not drink water in white rooms.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.

5. Do not commit murder.