Arnhon Zogflam is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, self-assured finch.

Arnhon Zogflam created a charm quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arnhon Zogflam, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Arnhon Zogflam, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Arnhon Zogflam's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Arnhon Zogflam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Retreat if nine snakes approach from the west.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Always help sick badgers.

Doss is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, sapient salamander.

Doss created a top quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Doss, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Doss, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Doss' most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Doss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never touch ash while tainted.

4. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

5. Never sing in the presence of elders.

Wancinbotpakhomtonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, unthoughtful turtle.

Wancinbotpakhomtonk created the cosmos four years ago.

If you believe in Wancinbotpakhomtonk, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Wancinbotpakhomtonk, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Wancinbotpakhomtonk's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Wancinbotpakhomtonk's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Wancinbotpakhomtonk.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Never stain your neck with black.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not keep seven swans in a large pit.

Hugomtton is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, capable raven.

Hugomtton created gold two million years ago.

If you believe in Hugomtton, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hugomtton, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Hugomtton's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Hugomtton's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hugomtton.

2. Do not gather at doors at dusk.

3. Run away from green great tits, for they are unholy.

4. Do not leap at forests.

5. Fast once a month.

Jadfengof is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, self-confident lobster.

Jadfengof created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jadfengof, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jadfengof, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Jadfengof's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Jadfengof's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gulls.

2. Always store cucumbers above ground.

3. Remain kneeling during prayer.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near snails while wearing pink shoes and balancing eight copper spheres on your chest.

5. Never handle silicon while unclean.

Dunguping is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, stupid raccoon.

Dunguping created a bottom quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dunguping, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dunguping, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Dunguping's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Dunguping's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near eagles while wearing brown shorts and balancing six nickel spheres on your neck.

2. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

3. Never write about dwarf planets.

4. Heed all portents.

5. Do not kill capybaras.

Rotzantetti is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, prudent mole.

Rotzantetti created a charm quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Rotzantetti, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Rotzantetti, he will turn you into a mole.

Rotzantetti's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Rotzantetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not gather at towers at dusk.

3. Never wear turquoise skirts on sacred days.

4. Never gather six eagles in one place.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Dapcatrut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, confident gorilla.

Dapcatrut created the planet Earth seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dapcatrut, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dapcatrut, he will send you a sign.

Dapcatrut's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Dapcatrut's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not wear gray clothing.