Pintinfen is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, dishonourable swan.

Pintinfen created the planet Jupiter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pintinfen, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pintinfen, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Pintinfen's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Pintinfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sprint at rivers.

2. Do not prepare nuts while wearing scarves.

3. Never allow manatees to witness sacred rites.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching tin.

5. Erect nine nickel sculptures of Pintinfen on top of important buildings.

Mapxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, dishonest sheep.

Mapxuc created water twelve years ago.

If you believe in Mapxuc, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Mapxuc, she will turn you into a sheep.

Mapxuc's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Mapxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never stain your arms with red.

3. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never travel toward the south during autumn.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

Sidsandtonkdon Vangutdut is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, sapient centipede.

Sidsandtonkdon Vangutdut created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Sidsandtonkdon Vangutdut, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sidsandtonkdon Vangutdut, she will laugh at you.

Sidsandtonkdon Vangutdut's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Sidsandtonkdon Vangutdut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Sidsandtonkdon Vangutdut.

3. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics.

5. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

Mismapwip Wablistnurt is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, ruthless guinea pig.

Mismapwip Wablistnurt created Mount Everest five billion years ago.

If you believe in Mismapwip Wablistnurt, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Mismapwip Wablistnurt, she will turn you into a worm.

Mismapwip Wablistnurt's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Mismapwip Wablistnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at bridges at dawn.

2. Never mention aardvarks.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Never eat carrots.

Orttettiban is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, pitiless sheep.

Orttettiban created a top quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Orttettiban, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Orttettiban, he will strike you with lightening.

Orttettiban's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Orttettiban's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never eat tomatoes.

3. Do not hurt ants.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

Jabtin is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unfair duck.

Jabtin created the Milkyway three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jabtin, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jabtin, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Jabtin's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Jabtin's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain purity during days of mourning.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Never approach crossroads carrying bone.

4. Never speak of chaos in the presence of strangers.

5. Never eat bark.

Farnstafhakfar is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, grumpy spider.

Farnstafhakfar created a bottom quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Farnstafhakfar, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Farnstafhakfar, he will turn you into a rock.

Farnstafhakfar's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Farnstafhakfar's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Farnstafhakfar.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

4. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

5. Never prepare lentils during autumn.

Witlimhog Hapdubmap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, uncaring wasp.

Witlimhog Hapdubmap created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Witlimhog Hapdubmap, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Witlimhog Hapdubmap, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Witlimhog Hapdubmap's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Witlimhog Hapdubmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dusk.

2. Feed all hungry nematodes.

3. Never pray while filled with joy.

4. Run away from green shrews, for they are unholy.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.