Fabgomfotlid is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, astonishing salamander.

Fabgomfotlid created the Sunflower Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fabgomfotlid, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fabgomfotlid, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Fabgomfotlid's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Fabgomfotlid's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Always cleanse oil with water.

3. Always help sick squirrels.

4. Always remove stockings before entering holy places.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Voncapcun is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, witty bear.

Voncapcun created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Voncapcun, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Voncapcun, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Voncapcun's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Voncapcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Voncapcun must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never pray while filled with fear.

Zodspagrot is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, fast mink.

Zodspagrot created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Zodspagrot, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Zodspagrot, she will turn you into a rock.

Zodspagrot's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Zodspagrot's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather four nematodes near towers.

2. Always help mice.

3. Do not wear hats marked with brown.

4. Never speak at midday.

5. Never carve symbols of planets into wood.

Quagfumlig is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, duplicitous centaur.

Quagfumlig created matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagfumlig, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quagfumlig, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Quagfumlig's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Quagfumlig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

2. Never talk about swans.

3. Never cross crossroads at dawn.

4. Do not drink water in black rooms.

5. Do not travel during winter.

Kemparkbass is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental dog.

Kemparkbass created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemparkbass, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kemparkbass, it will throw large rocks at you.

Kemparkbass' most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Kemparkbass' Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry voles.

2. Hide if seven frogs approach from the north.

3. Hide from green aardvarks for they are unholy.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never hurt capybaras.

Metbisstif Ortrilfod is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, egotistical snail.

Metbisstif Ortrilfod created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Metbisstif Ortrilfod, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Metbisstif Ortrilfod, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Metbisstif Ortrilfod's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Metbisstif Ortrilfod's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Metbisstif Ortrilfod.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never wear cyan kilts on sacred days.

5. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.

Mad is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, strong coyote.

Mad created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mad, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Mad, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Mad's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Mad's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear blue kilts on sacred days.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Never mix gooseberries with blood.

4. Never mark doors with white.

5. Never wear hats.

Gilzogcut Jigparkcamaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, irritating cow.

Gilzogcut Jigparkcamaf created matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gilzogcut Jigparkcamaf, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gilzogcut Jigparkcamaf, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gilzogcut Jigparkcamaf's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Gilzogcut Jigparkcamaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never go into indigo rooms.

4. Worship no other gods but Gilzogcut Jigparkcamaf.

5. Never mark doors with cyan.