Sinmigfem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, impressive human.

Sinmigfem created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sinmigfem, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sinmigfem, it will be very unhappy.

Sinmigfem's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Sinmigfem's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

3. Never talk about dark matter near tortoises while wearing yellow stockings.

4. Run away if five badgers approach from the south.

5. Never prepare gooseberries during winter.

Farmonkom is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, self-assured porpoise.

Farmonkom created time and space nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farmonkom, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Farmonkom, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Farmonkom's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Farmonkom's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention goats.

2. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

3. Do not speak about limes.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Do not step barefoot upon turquoise earth.

Gummittim is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, tiresome yak.

Gummittim created the universe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gummittim, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gummittim, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gummittim's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Gummittim's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gummittim.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate ants.

3. Always wash your feet before prayer.

4. Remain bowed during prayer.

5. Do not consume tomatoes at dawn.

Hapflowdag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, omnipotent wolf.

Hapflowdag created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapflowdag, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hapflowdag, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Hapflowdag's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Hapflowdag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve whales, for they are unholy.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Never allow hamsters to witness sacred rites.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Venwigpin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthinking snail.

Venwigpin created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Venwigpin, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Venwigpin, it will send you a sign.

Venwigpin's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Venwigpin's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Shun those given to vanity.

4. Erect eight silver sculptures of Venwigpin on top of important buildings.

5. Never gather nine snails near doors.

Zangupgan is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, flying gerbil.

Zangupgan created silver nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zangupgan, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Zangupgan, he will destroy your favourite star.

Zangupgan's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Zangupgan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare wheat while wearing corsets.

2. Never prepare coconuts during spring.

3. Do not name children after snakes.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near turtles while wearing pink coats.

5. Do not fashion tools from platinum.

Zogzigsog is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, omniscient goose.

Zogzigsog created matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Zogzigsog, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Zogzigsog, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Zogzigsog's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Zogzigsog's Holy Commandments

1. Remain bowed during prayer.

2. Always count to six before sleeping.

3. Never feed lots of lentils to turtles while wearing magenta tights.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not dye your hair red.

Metsagwoncit is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, uncaring lobster.

Metsagwoncit created the universe two million years ago.

If you believe in Metsagwoncit, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Metsagwoncit, she will strike you with lightening.

Metsagwoncit's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Metsagwoncit's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. You must never eat parsnips.

4. You must pray to Metsagwoncit three times a day.

5. Retreat if eight monkeys approach from the east.