Pakmithasjen is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, competent squid.

Pakmithasjen created the planet Venus seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakmithasjen, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Pakmithasjen, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Pakmithasjen's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Pakmithasjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

2. Pakmithasjen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never travel toward the east during summer.

4. Do not name children after swans.

5. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

Zigwonlig is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unfair cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Zigwonlig created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zigwonlig, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Zigwonlig, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Zigwonlig's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Zigwonlig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

5. Do not drink alcohol.

Cadhuntar is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, ruthless fairy.

Cadhuntar created time and space six billion years ago.

If you believe in Cadhuntar, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Cadhuntar, it will laugh at you.

Cadhuntar's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Cadhuntar's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Cadhuntar.

2. Never allow bats to witness sacred rites.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always treat turtles with great respect.

5. Cadhuntar must be the most important thing in your life.

Pombonkvag Cintanged is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, selfish shrew.

Pombonkvag Cintanged created the Black Eye Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Pombonkvag Cintanged, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Pombonkvag Cintanged, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Pombonkvag Cintanged's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Pombonkvag Cintanged's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare garlic while wearing coats.

2. Always count to five before sleeping.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never mix apples with blood.

5. Never talk about dark matter near goats while wearing yellow jumpers and balancing four silver spheres on your chest.

Taprullgun is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, humane camel.

Taprullgun created light four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taprullgun, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Taprullgun, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Taprullgun's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Taprullgun's Holy Commandments

1. Put Taprullgun first in all things.

2. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Taprullgun in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always help sick geese.

4. Retreat if eight mice approach from the north.

5. Goats are not to be trusted.

Bastonthot is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, irritating snail.

Bastonthot created the Sol system three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bastonthot, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bastonthot, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bastonthot's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Bastonthot's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never prepare bananas during summer.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near rats while wearing yellow shirts and balancing eight nickel spheres on your neck.

Nutfobpad is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, duplicitous chinchilla.

Nutfobpad created time and space eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nutfobpad, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nutfobpad, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nutfobpad's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Nutfobpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face turquoise.

2. Nutfobpad loves mites, so they must be honoured.

3. Nutfobpad loves birds, so they must be respected.

4. Never touch ash while tainted.

5. Always help otters.

Sidfabrut is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, fast gorilla.

Sidfabrut created snails four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sidfabrut, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Sidfabrut, he will turn you into a plant.

Sidfabrut's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Sidfabrut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate quantum mechanics during the night.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching silicon.

3. Never gather five sheep near towers.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Do not step barefoot upon indigo earth.