Metpoptig is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, duplicitous bear.

Metpoptig created everything that exists five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metpoptig, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Metpoptig, it will manifest in front of you.

Metpoptig's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Metpoptig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity near hamsters while wearing brown coats and balancing five zinc spheres on your head.

2. Never speak of order in the presence of children.

3. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.