Dubgesslak is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, selfish raccoon.

Dubgesslak created oxygen seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dubgesslak, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dubgesslak, it will come to you in dreams.

Dubgesslak's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Dubgesslak's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Hide from pink ducks for they are unholy.

5. Retreat if eight dolphins approach from the south.