Fitvolmon Popkabcum is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, unfair crow.

Fitvolmon Popkabcum created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fitvolmon Popkabcum, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Fitvolmon Popkabcum, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fitvolmon Popkabcum's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Fitvolmon Popkabcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat coconuts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Never mention eagles.

4. Worship no other gods but Fitvolmon Popkabcum.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Fitvolmon Popkabcum.