Ortbarnjan is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, dishonourable otter.

Ortbarnjan created the planet Saturn five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortbarnjan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Ortbarnjan, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Ortbarnjan's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Ortbarnjan's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Do not kill great tits.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Worship no other gods but Ortbarnjan.

5. Respect your elders.