Dussbitcuss is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, loving fairy.

Dussbitcuss created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dussbitcuss, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dussbitcuss, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Dussbitcuss' most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Dussbitcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. You must pray to Dussbitcuss six times a day.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Dussbitcuss.