Vag is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, confident crow.

Vag created a down quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vag, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vag, it will turn you into a worm.

Vag's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Vag's Holy Commandments

1. Vag loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

2. Vag must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Erect nine silicon sculptures of Vag on top of important buildings.

4. You must never eat strawberries.

5. Always treat monkeys with great respect.