Fumcimjap is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, smart tortoise.

Fumcimjap created a top quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumcimjap, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Fumcimjap, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fumcimjap's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Fumcimjap's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

3. Never wear orange shorts.

4. Never hop in the presence of sharks.

5. Never talk about ants.