Wodxinnurtkip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, narcissistic jaguar.

Wodxinnurtkip created the cosmos three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wodxinnurtkip, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Wodxinnurtkip, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Wodxinnurtkip's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Wodxinnurtkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near seals while wearing mauve rings.

2. Always help tapirs.

3. Run away from indigo nematodes, for they are unholy.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not hurt gulls.