Begfunhap is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, fussy narwhal.

Begfunhap created a top quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Begfunhap, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Begfunhap, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Begfunhap's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Begfunhap's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never paint your neck cyan.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not commit murder.