Gabhinbud is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ruthless aardvark.

Gabhinbud created matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabhinbud, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gabhinbud, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gabhinbud's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gabhinbud's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about solid mechanics near grasshopers while wearing fawn tights and balancing five carbon spheres on your hands.

2. Never go into orange rooms.

3. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

4. You must love Gabhinbud.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.