Cipmutlit is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, conceited lobster.

Cipmutlit created time and space nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cipmutlit, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Cipmutlit, she will turn you into a dog.

Cipmutlit's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Cipmutlit's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience when addressing elders.

2. Do not study cell theory on holy days.

3. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

4. Never discuss horizontal gene transfer in public assemblies.

5. Never sprint near snails.