Flamkarmid is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, dishonourable salamander.

Flamkarmid created snails five million years ago.

If you believe in Flamkarmid, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flamkarmid, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Flamkarmid's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Flamkarmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed strawberries to tapirs while wearing indigo scarves.

2. Flamkarmid loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.