Pitzimben is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, bad-tempered dog.

Pitzimben created a down quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitzimben, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pitzimben, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Pitzimben's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Pitzimben's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six voles approach from the north.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near great tits while wearing green scarves and balancing three tin spheres on your hands.

4. Run away from cyan foxes, for they are unholy.

5. Never eat green fruit.