Ontrigvolfub is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, idiotic giraffe.

Ontrigvolfub created the Cigar Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontrigvolfub, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ontrigvolfub, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Ontrigvolfub's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Ontrigvolfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to horses while wearing trousers.

2. Do not study the inheritance of acquired characteristics on holy days.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not hurt mice.

5. Never mix melons with water.