Nullaptik is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, humorless gorilla.

Nullaptik created vertebrates six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nullaptik, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Nullaptik, he will boil you in a big pot.

Nullaptik's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Nullaptik's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of aubergines to snakes while wearing pink shirts.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always wear turquoise.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Respect your elders.