Natlamtun is a god.

It takes the form of a large, unjust narwhal.

Natlamtun created the Sun eight million years ago.

If you believe in Natlamtun, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Natlamtun, it will send you a sign.

Natlamtun's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Natlamtun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of quantum mechanics near sacred fires.

2. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Natlamtun in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never adorn your hands with pink markings.

4. You must pray to Natlamtun eight times a day.

5. Never chant while facing south.