Gumfotqueegcip is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, merciful crow.

Gumfotqueegcip created dark energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumfotqueegcip, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gumfotqueegcip, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gumfotqueegcip's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Gumfotqueegcip's Holy Commandments

1. Always help hamsters in need.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about optics near bats while wearing yellow boots.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.