Rilltifjen Bonkvogtig is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, boastful mole.

Rilltifjen Bonkvogtig created the planet Venus nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Rilltifjen Bonkvogtig, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Rilltifjen Bonkvogtig, it will destroy your favourite star.

Rilltifjen Bonkvogtig's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Rilltifjen Bonkvogtig's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not keep nine tortoises in a large pit.

5. Always remove corsets before touching platinum.