Bastwitzak is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, moody warg.

Bastwitzak created the planet Jupiter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastwitzak, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bastwitzak, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bastwitzak's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Bastwitzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Never jump near porpoises.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Retreat if three turtles approach from the west.

5. Do not skip in public.