Matquamarn is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, idiotic duck.

Matquamarn created the Whirlpool Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Matquamarn, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Matquamarn, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Matquamarn's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Matquamarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick goats.

2. Never feed peas to dogs while wearing cyan shirts.

3. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Matquamarn on top of all buildings.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near cats while wearing orange corsets.

5. Never think about nebulae.