Tarpvadton is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthinking jaguar.

Tarpvadton created Asia two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpvadton, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarpvadton, he will be very unhappy.

Tarpvadton's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Tarpvadton's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always help cats.

3. Never jump near capybaras.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tarpvadton.

5. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.