Naktunyam Cepwabtam is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciful squirrel.

Naktunyam Cepwabtam created a charm quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Naktunyam Cepwabtam, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Naktunyam Cepwabtam, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Naktunyam Cepwabtam's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Naktunyam Cepwabtam's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Never eat onions.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Never think ill of sick great tits.