Dan is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, staggering capybara.

Dan created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dan, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dan, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Dan's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Dan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your chest.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dan.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near capybaras while wearing purple shirts and balancing six silicon spheres on your feet.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.