Tarnelpan is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, idiotic cat.

Tarnelpan created an atom two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarnelpan, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tarnelpan, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Tarnelpan's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Tarnelpan's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tarnelpan.

2. Tarnelpan loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.