Kabtadcit is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, cheerful porpoise.

Kabtadcit created the Cigar Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabtadcit, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Kabtadcit, it will boil you in a big pot.

Kabtadcit's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Kabtadcit's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of gooseberries to sheep while wearing green corsets.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching silver.

3. Do not prepare oranges while filled with joy.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.