Lopyarlcad is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, kind gnu.

Lopyarlcad created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopyarlcad, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lopyarlcad, she will turn you into a mouse.

Lopyarlcad's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Lopyarlcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics.

2. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

3. Always help sick great tits.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never talk about moths.