Fithaktig Hatfebvan is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, self-assured goat.

Fithaktig Hatfebvan created energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fithaktig Hatfebvan, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fithaktig Hatfebvan, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Fithaktig Hatfebvan's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Fithaktig Hatfebvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.

2. Do not step barefoot upon fawn earth.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never whisper while facing south.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching aluminium.