Mumfarntonk is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, humorless gnu.

Mumfarntonk created energy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mumfarntonk, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Mumfarntonk, she will turn you into a hamster.

Mumfarntonk's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Mumfarntonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt sheep.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not take Mumfarntonk's name in vain.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Never look at stars.