Fetvogten is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, unfair crab.

Fetvogten created the Milkyway seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetvogten, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fetvogten, she will turn you into a slug.

Fetvogten's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Fetvogten's Holy Commandments

1. Fetvogten must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near swans while wearing cyan shoes.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

5. Never go into purple rooms.