Zakvidfobzim is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, impressive walrus.

Zakvidfobzim created the planet Earth five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakvidfobzim, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zakvidfobzim, she will send you a sign.

Zakvidfobzim's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Zakvidfobzim's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never laugh near monkeys.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Zakvidfobzim on top of all buildings.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a building before entering it.