Dapyamlag is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, conceited dugong.

Dapyamlag created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapyamlag, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Dapyamlag, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Dapyamlag's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Dapyamlag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about cherries.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Dapyamlag on top of all buildings.

5. Retreat if nine hamsters approach from the west.