Lagvolstragbisstersigtap Vadnabtail is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, stupid skunk.

Lagvolstragbisstersigtap Vadnabtail created a photon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagvolstragbisstersigtap Vadnabtail, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lagvolstragbisstersigtap Vadnabtail, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Lagvolstragbisstersigtap Vadnabtail's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Lagvolstragbisstersigtap Vadnabtail's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry seals.

2. Never write about spacetime.

3. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never mix garlic with water.

5. Never think about planets.