Tigquimrul is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, tiresome swan.

Tigquimrul created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigquimrul, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tigquimrul, he will turn you into a mouse.

Tigquimrul's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Tigquimrul's Holy Commandments

1. Always share lentils with strangers, but never with pigs.

2. Never approach forests carrying bone.

3. Do not hurt great tits.

4. Never talk about chlorophyll.

5. Do not cook food in pots.