Futcetgeb is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, boastful dryad.

Futcetgeb created vertebrates nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Futcetgeb, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Futcetgeb, it will throw large rocks at you.

Futcetgeb's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Futcetgeb's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat lemons.

2. Never think about dark matter near snails while wearing white trousers and balancing nine lead spheres on your hands.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Always treat mites with great respect.

5. Never hurt horses.