Dogcidveg Quagingben is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, boastful gerbil.

Dogcidveg Quagingben created the Whirlpool Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dogcidveg Quagingben, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dogcidveg Quagingben, he will remove you from existence.

Dogcidveg Quagingben's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Dogcidveg Quagingben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

2. Do not travel during summer.

3. Heed all signs.

4. Never talk about snails.

5. Never mark doors with violet.