Kadlenbot is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, emotional cat.

Kadlenbot created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadlenbot, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kadlenbot, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Kadlenbot's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Kadlenbot's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never bounce near ants.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.