Guttettifunfat is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unjust zebra.

Guttettifunfat created the Cigar Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Guttettifunfat, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Guttettifunfat, he will turn you into a dog.

Guttettifunfat's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Guttettifunfat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt monkeys.

2. Do not dye your hair orange.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never feed rice to snails while wearing kilts.