Ing is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unjust aardvark.

Ing created dark energy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ing, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Ing, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Ing's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Ing's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never leap near goats.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never sing in the presence of elders.