Larpnurmitjap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, slow cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Larpnurmitjap created the Sol system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Larpnurmitjap, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Larpnurmitjap, he will laugh at you.

Larpnurmitjap's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Larpnurmitjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Larpnurmitjap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not eat garlic.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always look after injured great tits.