Gildaddiss is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthoughtful crow.

Gildaddiss created the planet Saturn eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gildaddiss, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gildaddiss, it will laugh at you.

Gildaddiss' most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Gildaddiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not eat strawberries.