Gutcidzag is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, ruthless warg.

Gutcidzag created vertebrates seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutcidzag, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gutcidzag, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Gutcidzag's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Gutcidzag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

2. Never write about archaea.

3. Always help mice.

4. Never feed peanuts to voles while wearing shorts.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.