Garpograg is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, uncaring cobra.

Garpograg created Europe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Garpograg, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Garpograg, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Garpograg's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Garpograg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity.

2. Never mention turtles.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never talk about stars.

5. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Garpograg in the centre of the settlement.