Flabxucknan Arpyarlpang is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, selfish whale.

Flabxucknan Arpyarlpang created the Andromeda Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flabxucknan Arpyarlpang, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Flabxucknan Arpyarlpang, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Flabxucknan Arpyarlpang's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Flabxucknan Arpyarlpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to swans while wearing skirts.

2. Always wear plain dresses during rituals.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

5. Do not shave your face.