Lapvabwad is a god.

She takes the form of a small, prudent hamster.

Lapvabwad created matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapvabwad, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lapvabwad, she will make you grow a tail.

Lapvabwad's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Lapvabwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. You must pray to Lapvabwad three times a day.

3. You must love Lapvabwad.

4. Lapvabwad loves mice, so they must be respected.

5. Do not speak about bananas.