Jonnibhasgep Midnellflab Besspidsaf is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, idiotic snail.

Jonnibhasgep Midnellflab Besspidsaf created a strange quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonnibhasgep Midnellflab Besspidsaf, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jonnibhasgep Midnellflab Besspidsaf, he will turn you into a plant.

Jonnibhasgep Midnellflab Besspidsaf's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Jonnibhasgep Midnellflab Besspidsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jonnibhasgep Midnellflab Besspidsaf's name in vain.

2. Never bounce in the presence of otters.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

5. Jonnibhasgep Midnellflab Besspidsaf must be the most important thing in your life.