Hanponbad is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, blissful monkey.

Hanponbad created the Sombrero Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Hanponbad, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Hanponbad, she will turn you into a puffin.

Hanponbad's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Hanponbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about manatees.

2. Run away if eight snakes approach from the west.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never eat figs.