Vagcinlam is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, smart aardvark.

Vagcinlam created bats eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagcinlam, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Vagcinlam, it will cry a lot.

Vagcinlam's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Vagcinlam's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn birds for they are unholy.

2. Do not speak about spinach.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

5. Run away if four hamsters approach from the west.