Bonktipcad is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, dishonest mongoose.

Bonktipcad created a down quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonktipcad, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bonktipcad, he will turn you into a hamster.

Bonktipcad's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Bonktipcad's Holy Commandments

1. Bonktipcad loves ants, so they must be honoured.

2. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Bonktipcad in the centre of the settlement.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink alcohol.