Donlargman is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, duplicitous cow.

Donlargman created humanity six million years ago.

If you believe in Donlargman, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Donlargman, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Donlargman's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Donlargman's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

3. Hide from gray cats for they are unholy.

4. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.