Stigbemneg is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, selfish narwhal.

Stigbemneg created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stigbemneg, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Stigbemneg, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Stigbemneg's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Stigbemneg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record secrets concerning dwarf planets.

2. Do not travel during autumn.

3. Do not speak of ultrasonics near sacred fires.

4. Never think about dark energy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.