Nurtrakbap Gubtofdot is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, impressive manatee.

Nurtrakbap Gubtofdot created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtrakbap Gubtofdot, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nurtrakbap Gubtofdot, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Nurtrakbap Gubtofdot's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Nurtrakbap Gubtofdot's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Nurtrakbap Gubtofdot nine times a day.

2. Never eat oranges.

3. Hide if eight sheep approach from the north.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near snails while wearing black coats and balancing seven iron spheres on your neck.

5. Never think about special relativity near hamsters while wearing pink rings and balancing five lead spheres on your back.